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Why is my ex of 4 years doing this :(


Tonyy11

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Ok.. So me and my ex were together for 3 years and 8 months, totally head over heels in love.. No doubt about that, we were also bestfriends I could tell her anything and it was the same for her, I feel like I made her the person she was and same goes for me.. In a good way. it's like we were meant to be always talked about our future, having kids, she stayed over sometimes, even had a wonderful relationship with my parents we went on dates every Friday and Saturday. I treated her with respect were both into all the same things she was like my letty and I was like her dom , we were on and off sometimes but we both knew that we'd just get right back together and we did, we met when I was 16 and she was 14 were the first for Everything, love, virginity, kiss, real relationship. Ect. But in august I broke up with her for 3 weeks I was really going through a lot with something's that I just didn't know how to tell her about, then we ended up getting back together in September everything seemed fine.. But come to find out she's been hanging out with my old bestfriend.. I caught her in his car one night and then after we didn't break up.. So September 30th she tells me she wants to break up.. And now her and my old bestfriend are dating like really ? How does this happen. Me and the guy that was my bestfriend had stopped being friends in august due to him lying to me about a situation.. Now she's this totally different person, when she was with me she never went out to paries much, or out drinking, smoking ect. Now that she's with my old bestfriend and yes they date.. Sad I know.. she sneaks out she drinks heavily.. Smokes.. Ect and it's like who is this girl I love her so much and think about her every secound, I know she loves me too we literally had our whole future planned with eachother and it's a huge slap in the face to me, why is she like this. I mean I went 12 days straight no contact then I broke when I did text her it was like she was this cold, heartless person that I had no clue who I was talking to, she deleted my number blocked me off Instagram.. Facebook ect. But now I'm not blocked on her phone or facebooke anymore ? Hmm.. She told me she's happier without me in her life 3 says ago. but just 4 weeks ago she told me she's realized that I push her to do better in life and that' she doesn't want to see me with anyone else and how it hurts her, and she also said that she wanted me to help her get her life back.. Obviously she knows she changed for the worse. I just don't know what to expect anymore.. If she's going to come back or not I don't know I'm just so lost, I just wish she would talk to me and ask how I'm doing she doesn't care about my feelings anymore, why am I still trying to get her back, I know she loves me still and thinks about all out good times cause we had ALOT. Ugh I miss her so much.. Any advice would be nice. Thanks guys for listening..

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I think you have to go back and look at the fact that you pushed her out of your life back in August instead of finding the courage to tell her what what going on in your life so she could still feel a connection. Did you for one minute think of the pain that caused her? Everything was supposedly going to great in your relationship and then boom! you toss her out.

 

So she took your hint. She got out of your life and went on with hers and one of your boys saw the effect of your actions upon her and he slipped in to help her through it.

 

I'd say to you to move on. 3 days ago she told you she's happier without you in her life--doesn't matter what was said 4 weeks ago. That water is 500 miles downstream of the bridge.

 

Next time you're going through some difficult things, don't throw your girlfriend out of your life if you dont' want to lose her. Some women aren't going to wait for you to get your stuff together.

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You're both still emotionally involved with each other- this is why she's going hot/cold.

She's going to be quite confused eventually, i'm sure.. rushing from you to another guy- probably like a 'rebound relation'.

 

Now, YOU should back off and let them rumble on. Do NOT give in to her.

Stop ALL ways of communication- she's moved on.. let her.

 

You two have also broken up once already.. I dont think things will be back to the way they were again.

So, I think it's time to accept this is done.. Im sorrry.

Time for you to work on 'accepting this & healing'. It will hurt, we understand. Not easy to do...

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I didn't "throw her out" we broke up and yes we still talked again I was going through a lot I know i still wanted her, talked to her the same and everything. So nothing changed.

 

This is rather vague. Hard to give advice without the pertinent details.

 

From what your shared, I think Kendake's theory sounds plausible. You hurt her a lot when you pushed her away (did you ever explain to her why?). You were broken up and your ex friend got closer to her. When you sever emotional ties to your partner it leaves room for them to form a connection with someone else.

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I didn't "throw her out" we broke up and yes we still talked again I was going through a lot I know i still wanted her, talked to her the same and everything. So nothing changed.

 

and I quote:

But in august I broke up with her

 

That's not "we broke up" as you're trying to walk it back now.

 

She apparently took that at face value and moved on. Your boy slipped in and now she's with him. She doesn't see a relationship with you as of 3 days ago.

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I never really had the chance to explain to her why, I'm on a mission to get her back. I don't contact her anymore, and am not going to if she wants to talk to me she can contact me.. The way I see it he's a rebound and once she realizes it's wrong to even date my bestfriend and that she really does miss me she will contact me, I don't know when that will be though. I just miss her and I'm sure it's the same for her.

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I never really had the chance to explain to her why, I'm on a mission to get her back. I don't contact her anymore, and am not going to if she wants to talk to me she can contact me.. The way I see it he's a rebound and once she realizes it's wrong to even date my bestfriend and that she really does miss me she will contact me, I don't know when that will be though. I just miss her and I'm sure it's the same for her.

 

Now she's this totally different person, when she was with me she never went out to paries much, or out drinking, smoking ect. Now that she's with my old bestfriend and yes they date.. Sad I know.. she sneaks out she drinks heavily.. Smokes.. Ect and it's like who is this girl

 

And when she wont' give up doing the above for you?

 

Giving you false hope is not productive. He may be her rebound, but that doesn't mean that she will come back to you. Chances are, she will keep moving forward, since she already knows what you're prone to do and got burned by it.

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You want her to realize she's wrong? Then you go No contact. You don't let her know how you feel, you don't answer her calls her texts... Nothing.

 

She is taking her time and has you on hold because she knows she can have you whenever she wants. It's time you turn the tables...

 

Pick yourself up, be confident, go out, meet new people and don't let her know what you are thinking.

 

Try this for a month, I know a month seems likes forever but you will see in a month how different things will be. It's not a game I want you to play... But it's to show her you're a great catch and no she can't just talk to you whenever she wants, she can't just appear whenever she wants... Show her don't just tell her, show her you want respect and want a good girl. Once she sees you are no longer there whenever she wants you to be that's when she will decide very quickly what she wants to do.

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Why would anyone go back to someone who dumped her out of the blue? MAYBE if you had some understanding of the pain you caused and were deeply remorseful, but your attitude is to brush it off and make light of it!

 

You think this is a rebound? Maybe, maybe not.... but I agree she's more likely to move on than go back to someone who's already shown so little regard to her feelings, my friend.

 

Best to accept this and move on! Here's a guide that will help you: link removed

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