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Need some advice for my life up to this point


Ljion

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Hello everyone,

Thank you for taking time to looking at my thread.

 

I been really struggling lately and although I have plenty of people in my life who do care about me and would try to give me advice, I feel like I need a 3rd party's opinion on things. This year has been very eventful to say the least. I'm American but have been living in a different country for the past 3 years. I left America when I was 17 straight out of high school to go to a college out of country. I moved back to America 6 months ago. I am 20 now.

 

The beginning of this year was a great time for me. I was making alot of money doing part-time work, I was living with my gf and we were in love, my social circle was enormous from causal drinking buddies to till we die best friends and I was attending the best design school in the country. The future looked very bright.

 

Then my gf moved back to Hawaii and we were in a Long Distance Relationship. I have done a couple of these before and they all ended badly for me. But of course being so much in love I believed this time it would succeed. At first it went well, in fact if anything it made me fall more madly in love with her. But after weeks of staring at a computer screen and weeks of cursing at Skype for being so unreliable our relationship started turning for the worse.

 

As my relationship fell apart so did my life back at home. I began missing so many classes I couldn't keep up with the subject and I started to do drugs and selling drugs to support my drug habit. The people I began associating myself with slowly changed and eventually the only people I hung around were people I did drugs with or sold to. I had a drinking problem even before my gf left but it came to a point where I began drinking everyday in the morning,afternoon, to work, and to school. All my money went into drugs and going out. I started to get intensely depressed and was not very fun to be around. Stress was a daily occurrence for me and before I had held it in check (I lived in the heart of a city that had over 13 million people) but it started to become overwhelming. I started missing work and I dropped out of school. Soon there were times when I didn't leave my home for days. The final nail on the coffin was when my long distance relationship came to its nasty bitter end. Such a bitter end in fact that we are no longer on speaking terms.

 

The day my long distance relationship ended I called my sister who lived in America and told her I couldn't do this anymore and that she needed to help me get out of here. Two weeks later I fitted 3 years of my life in a suitcase and went back home to America.

 

It definitely was not easy at first. I experienced an intense re-entry shock along with the sudden restriction of having to live with my parents again after living alone for the past 3 years. The people I knew around where I lived weren't people I wanted to hangout with, but because I didn't know anyone else I had to. No job. No school. No future. But slowly I began to improved my life. Now today I have a great part time job where I could easily make full-time if I wanted, going to school full time(Community college), and have quit drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, AKA anything fun haha. I even have a car, which I drive way too fast for my own good haha...

 

But im still not happy

 

And I think the main issue is that I don't see a purpose to my life. I'm pushing forward but for what reason i'm not sure. I bury myself with school,work and hobbies(i might have too many hobbies) but doing these things doesn't make me feel fulfilled just keeps my mind off the question that I have been wonder for a long time now. What's the point?

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What's the point?.....

You're still 'not' happy. Give it time. Maybe you're too stressed to be able to lay back and just 'enjoy' life?

I think you need to give it 'time'. You say you're happy with the position your in now.. work, a car etc.

That's good!

We have to learn how to be happy with ourselves - as many aren't, so they run off into relationships and are still not sttled or happy.

Go for nature walks.. how about a sport? I liked volleyball, soccer, swimming. Something else for you to do.

Life is.. life and we try to make the best of it. Are you trying to understand your purpose? Maybe that'll come a lil later as you finish your schooling.

We never know what tomorrow will bring. Not sure what more i can offer.

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It sounds like you have a lovely life and great job getting clean!! Perhaps seeing a therapist would help? perhaps you are clinically depressed and need meds? If possible try seeing a therapist to help sort out if it's just a temporary unhappiness due to stress and life events or if this is something deeper. As an addict I can tell you it's a struggle to learn to live w/out using or drinking. Try some 12 step meetings and absolutely make time for service work, volunteer! Serving others brings meaning to our lives. Best of luck!

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Hi thank you for replying.

You say you're happy with the position your in now.. work, a car etc.

that's actually the opposite of that im saying. I'm doing all the right thing and everyone is telling me my life is going in the right direction but im not happy with my life right now at all haha.

 

It sounds like you have a lovely life and great job getting clean!! Perhaps seeing a therapist would help? perhaps you are clinically depressed and need meds? If possible try seeing a therapist to help sort out if it's just a temporary unhappiness due to stress and life events or if this is something deeper. As an addict I can tell you it's a struggle to learn to live w/out using or drinking. Try some 12 step meetings and absolutely make time for service work, volunteer! Serving others brings meaning to our lives. Best of luck!

 

Yes completely haha honestly after I stopped drinking it almost feels as if my personality has almost deflated. I sometimes wonder if I can be even have fun again without alcohol or maybe I will be boring for the rest of my life haha... I'm open to volunteer work but I would have to make time for it from my already crammed schedule.

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