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Common sayings/advice about relationships do you hate?


Moontiger

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Hey All,

 

I thought this would be an interesting topic of discussion. I was inspired by the pet names thread a while back. What are some common sayings/advice about relationships you think are untrue/hate?

 

For me there are two,

 

1)"Nice guys finish last." It just such a cop-out IMO. What? Is it impossible that you have serious flaws? Impossible that you picked the wrong person? No dude, grow a pair and own up to your stuff.

 

2) "Love Conquers All".....No. Just No. I'm sorry, if one person is $250,000 in debt and the other is looking to buy a penthouse in New York it doesn't matter how much you "love" each other. It's not going to work.

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(Laughs) Oh boyyyy, have I got a few but my favorites are:

 

1. Love conquers all--yep, I'm with you on intensely disliking that one. It will conquer alot BUT it won't conquer lying, cheating, mistreatment, addictions and other red flags no matter how much you love someone and want it to be otherwise.

2. Love means never having to say you're sorry--what does that even mean? I had someone once tell me it meant he shouldn't apologize for cheating on me, because I loved him and he loved me. I already didn't like the saying and that was the final straw.

3. You only hurt the one you love--no, you hurt plenty of other people too. And you shouldn't be hurting the one you love in the first place for corn's sake. Or anyone else either.

 

Also I am going to take this opportunity to bag on two film lines that I personally think have done more harm than good to both women and yes more than a few men. Chief among those being the line "Some day my prince will come..." implying that we all must wait for that magical day when life truly only begins after the perfect guy (and gal too, let's not leave the guys out of this) sweeps in and rescues us from a fate worse than death--being alone. How much happier would everyone be if we were taught from the time we were babies that you can just be happy, just because you seek out and live a good life for yourself regardless of who else is in it. And that anyone sharing your life is just an added bonus. I see alot of bad behavior on both sides of the gender equation set around this little myth--guys with white knight complexes, gals who think marrying and being cared for is the be-all/end-all and both putting up with way too much in their mistaken belief over this ideal.

 

Don't even get me started on the "You complete me" line. A phrase I find truly insulting, maudlin and more than just a wee bit lacking in self-esteem. "Ooooh, gosh honey. I was just half a person before you got here. And if you leave me I'll just be half a person again." No, no, not true, not true, not true. You are your own whole person from the beginning of your life to the end. The other person may make you happy, may be a good fit, but you are not a half a being just because they aren't there.

 

Okay, I am going to back away now. Good thread though and one that lets me say something that's been on my mind for awhile. And yes I am in a happy good relationship right now, not bitter and alone like some may think. I just really dislike sugar-coated sayings that make people think they should put up with mistreatment in the name of (air quotes gesture) love. Real love should just enhance what you already have and are, nothing more or less.

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Ha! I forgot all about that one. I'm curious about why you feel so strongly about this saying?

 

Love equals respect and ownership, accountability. You are bound to occasionally inadvertently hurt your partner(or loved one) in a disagreement, misunderstanding, etc. Love means apologizing, learning, rectifying.

 

It's just so grossly idealistic. You can love your partner bigger than the sun, moon and stars, and as well thought out and orchestrated as your behaviors are, sometimes you're just going to butt some heads.

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2. Love means never having to say you're sorry--what does that even mean? I had someone once tell me it meant he shouldn't apologize for cheating on me, because I loved him and he loved me. I already didn't like the saying and that was the final straw.

 

Haha! What a gross misuse of an already ridiculous saying.

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Don't even get me started on the "You complete me" line. A phrase I find truly insulting, maudlin and more than just a wee bit lacking in self-esteem. "Ooooh, gosh honey. I was just half a person before you got here. And if you leave me I'll just be half a person again." No, no, not true, not true, not true. You are your own whole person from the beginning of your life to the end. The other person may make you happy, may be a good fit, but you are not a half a being just because they aren't there.

 

LOL I used to see this on dating profiles all the time. "I'm looking for someone to complete me." Click next. Thank you but I'll take one whole entire man, not half or incomplete....

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I was listening to Nazareth of all things the other night (Best Of: and was really enjoying it) and when this played ...I was actually listening this time...

 

 

 

and I said out loud to my buddy "No it doesn't".

He laughed and said "well they were looking to get laid a lot. Of course it is twisted."

 

I have always listened to a tonne of music and been surrounded by it. If you want to find a lot of sources for this thread; look there. lol.

 

There are some really terrible messages and sayings out there grounded in this basic thing: convincing ourselves it is nobler than it is.

 

Love has never hurt me. Dysfunctional stuff has though. Romanticizing it has too.

 

Also when someone says things like "well what are you going to do?!" - in that way that says "there is nothing you can do about it". Actually, we do have control over to love or not. It's not something that possesses us or not.

 

And yes to what Batya said - "when you meet the One, you'll know" and variations such as "when you meet someone you REALLY love, you'll want to marry them!". That is a stupid message about love. And how many dumb marriages as a result of that thinking ? !

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You'll find someone you just haven't met her yet, (6 years of being single in the past and now over 2 hmmmm)

You'll meet someone and you'll just click, ( grrrrrr)

Love will come to you when you're not looking for it, ( behave like I said add 6 years +2 of not looking and love it never came to me)

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was listening to Nazareth of all things the other night (Best Of: and was really enjoying it) and when this played ...I was actually listening this time...

 

I clicked on the link and shrieked with laughter. My friends and I couldn't stand that song, we'd just skip the record (yes, I am that old shhh) and go back to playing Hair of the Dog. Probably because we all thought it was daring and cool that there were swear words in it. Also check out this one by Abba and listen to the lyrics. Not so great once I realized what they're actually singing about. LOL

 

 

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I clicked on the link and shrieked with laughter. My friends and I couldn't stand that song, we'd just skip the record (yes, I am that old shhh) and go back to playing Hair of the Dog. Probably because we all thought it was daring and cool that there were swear words in it. Also check out this one by Abba and listen to the lyrics. Not so great once I realized what they're actually singing about. LOL

 

]

 

Ha ha!!! Hair of the Dog!!!! You're dating yourself! In college, my roommate and I wore out the grooves on that album!!! "Now, you're messin' with a...."

 

I, myself, prefer Heart's version of "Love Hurts"

 

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Awesome thread [Moontiger]!

 

I agree, I hate the "nice guys finish last" axiom, because it's not true (and it contradicts the well-known wisdom about good things coming to those who wait).

 

I wince when I hear anything about Prince Charming.

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The "unconditional love"line drive me up a wall.

 

Me too. My boyfriend has outright told me that he doesn't love me unconditionally. I'm fine with that but when I told my mom she was sad. She wants me to be with someone who loves me unconditionally like she does. I think only parents can do that. I wouldn't ask it of a partner.

 

Someone who loves their partner even when the person takes a dump in their mouth (literally or figuratively) to me, that is not love.

 

I do struggle with the idea of my parents being gone because I don't think anyone will love me as much as they love me, but I think it's wrong to ask a partner to love me like my parents do. It's just not possible.

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Agree with the whole unconditional love thing. I've only ever loved my kids like that, not any man. In fact I'll be so blunt as to say to anyone that if it's my kids' lives versus those of my SO then the SO had better be prepared to sacrafice himself, because I am. The kids come first, because they have my heart in a way no one else ever will. And that's the way it should be.

 

Besides "unconditional love" tends to be one of those things that get used as another excuse for letting someone mistreat you, because you just lerv them so darn much you'll take them under any circumstances, no matter how rotten.

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