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Lately I had been going through the "I miss her" phase and now I am switched into the anger phase.

 

Before I was missing her and in a way wanted her back. Maybe I just wanted to be in a relationship. Regardless I did not pursue either option as I can see being single is best for me at the moment. And now I am just angry whenever I think of her.

 

I am angry because this was a person that I truly loved wronged me so many times. The thing is I don't doubt that she loved me back. I believe she did (in her own way I suppose). But yet soo many things she did to hurt me (I think or at least like to believe that they were not intentional). I feel angry because there are so many things I could have said to her but I refrained and decided to forgive. And I think she never really appreciated that. Never realized how much damage she actually did. I want her to realize that, not just me say it.

 

But then again I can not blame he completely because I stayed, stuck around when perhaps I should have left much earlier. So I feel mad at myself that I let myself get to that point where I feel week like I needed her and because of that tolerated more than I should have. I think I am upset because maybe in someways I still feel like that. If you ask me if I would like to get back with her my honest answer would be no. But if she were to call me right now and try to get back together I can assure the outcome in that situation. I just know that I will not go back on my own.

 

At the same time this feeling is much dimmer than it was when the breakup was fresh. So my days are relatively nice but at least once everyday I think about some topic related to her.

 

I know what I need to do to heal. That is not the issue. I am also actively doing this so motivation is not an issue either. But these thoughts are. I would just like to see how long it usually took different people to come to a point that even if they thought about their ex it did not bother them. I realize everyone is different and there is no deadline but knowing others people's situations is helpful

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Do not worry. This is a perfectly normal stage of grieving/healing. There are times we keep looking back and ask ourselves "what might have been". Also, you will get back to normal, believe it or not. You will.

 

Even after a year of BU, I was miserably identifying everything around me to my EX. And then one day I just got tired of it. It is like I am losing a lot because of false hope and regret. But then again, I will not be where I am now if I didn't give myself that time to heal and go through these things.

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I am much in your spot right now. I have all kinds of emotions. Same as well, about, would I take him back?

Then in an hour... I miss him so much

Next day, I'm in anger about his ****, then go cry in the shower as I have another 'memory' of things we did together.

It IS very sad..lonely..confusing..etc, losing one you came to 'love'.

 

This is also why it is HIGHLY suggested to NOT look at running into another relationship so quickly, so one CAN go thru these normal reactions/emotions for a time being... deal with it..let it out.. work on accepting.

But it all takes time.

 

Many understand you here. Take care.

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I can relate to your struggle. I too went through this and am 90% over it after not having any contact with her for close to 2 years. We stayed in contact and were on and off for a year after the official BU. I compromised a lot trying to win her back and only found myself more and more miserable and hating myself for not standing up for myself. Most of the residual anger is towards myself for putting up with it. I have been working hard to forgive myself and that has been the hardest part.

 

I have already in my heart come to terms with the BU and have forgiven her. She is just another person trying to get through life and did the best she could with the tools she had.

 

So to answer your question, I think you biggest challenge is to be your own best friend and forgive yourself for not standing up for what you knew you should do. Realize that you are human and learn from it. It will take time. All depends on how much you compromised yourself.

 

Best of luck in your healing.

LNL

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