Kissing me was a mistake....?

[bluebell29]

I met this guy online last Sunday - we had our first date the next day. It was great - intense, deep conversation. He texted me straight after to say he had a great time and usually dates from the website are so boring. The next day he texts me a cute message in the morning. Then in the afternoon he texts to say that he should probably wait 2-3 days but he doesn't care and wants to see me again soon. We decided to go out that Thursday. I suggested karaoke which initially shocked him but we had a really great time and he said thank you for a great night. He said during the date that I was beautiful and even lent me his jacket coz I was cold. We were joking about it all day the next day on text. He texted me around 11 on Friday night asking what I'm up to but I didn't reply and replied next morning saying I was tired and went to bed early.

Later that afternoon (Saturday) he asked if I was free Sun afternoon and he said we could do coffee at his place and a movie. So I went to his place but he didn't really seem to want to go to a movie. We just hung out and chatted a lot - a lot of personal stuff. He then said that he's scared if he kisses me, I will project too much into it (bear in mind, we have major cultural differences, I'm conservative and he doesn't really know my culture well - I come from a different country). I said I wouldn't and said he could kiss me which he did. It was really nice and we made out for 1-2 mins and then I pulled away as it was too much for me and I was feeling a bit shy/awkward not having known the guy very well. I just felt incredibly relaxed after the kiss and said I just wanted to sit with him and was playing with his hands. He tried to initiate more and asked if I wanted a massage but I said no.

We then went to get some dinner and I could sense the mood was a bit off. He wasn't being affectionate. I was feeling a bit awkward.

He then dropped me home on his bike and also lent me his sweater coz it was cold.

Neither of us texted each other that night. Next morning he texts me really early saying that 'kissing each other yesterday was a mistake. what do you think? hope you feel the same way'. I replied saying 'yes i think it was...' and 'sorry, i should know better what I want'. He said 'cool, i'm relieved you feel the same way. I think we're both curious and are not convinced until we try something'. Later that day I needed his help on something and asked if we could be friends to which he said of course and called me at night to help me. I haven't heard from him since Monday. He hasn't even checked up on how it went with what I needed his help with.

He had told me that he hates when women chase him or ask for answers and he also mentioned once that he thinks he's cowardly.

 

Any advice on what I should do? I do like him but I think we just moved too fast. Should I text him to say 'just wanted to clarify that my reason for thinking it was a mistake was that it was too soon for me.' or should I ask why he said it was a mistake? or should I ask him to come pick up his sweater and talk to him then? Or should I text him to say we should talk?

 

Thanks!

 

p.s. he's 34 and looking for a relationship and I do believe it.

[Kendahke]

No. Do not text him.

 

You're dealing with a coward, so leave him be.

 

Keep dating other men. Find someone who doesn't play stupid games like this.

 

You want a man who is not scared of his own feelings, not a boy who takes the lead in acting impulsively then attempts to blame the woman for following his lead.

[abitbroken]

I wouldn't have told him it was a mistake to kiss him. Maybe too soon, but not a mistake. I mean, i wouldn't agree with him. A kiss is a kiss. And it was nice. and you didn't read more into it. He was hoping you would agree it was a mistake so he doesn't have to invest feelings in you. I don't think a kiss is too fast on a third date as long as it is just that and not sex.

 

I honestly think that you blew it a little bit by asking him to be friends (if there was something to be blown). At that point, he is no longer considering a relationship with you and that is why he is not calling. You friendzoned him. You can't expect that he will call you again after that. And he is probably relieved.

 

But you could have dodged a bullet. I mean, if he is saying how worried he is about you getting all weird after a kiss - he is getting all weird, putting conditions on how you can feel about the kiss, etc. or that you can't feel anything. At 34, he should know how he feels.

 

You are not chasing him by calling. You have a choice to leave him alone completely or contact him and ask him out and if he freaks about that, whatever.

 

I honestly would date other guys and not think too much about him. I am good with people sharing relationship history but I am not good with people telling me up front up that i am basically being tested.

[ParisPaulette]

What Kendahke said. Believe him when he says he's a coward and move on. He had a part in pursuing you too and is now making it sound like you all but forced yourself on him. Give me a break. (rolls eyes) Find a guy who isn't afraid to pursue a woman and more importantly, be honest about his own motives and actions.

[bluebell29]

Thanks for your replies.

 

The only other reason I can think of of why he would say that is if he thought I didn't like the kiss. I mean I was holding back a bit and pulled away. I didn't text later to say I enjoyed it either, nor did I tell him at the time. So could it be he anticipated me dumping him and so just did it first? Just a thought....I'm not fully convinced though. Guys, would you feel insecure if the woman is not totally passionate on your first kiss?

 

That's why I thought of texting him to at least be open and honest about my feelings if he can't be - maybe say that for me it was a little too soon and that maybe the reason was different for him but i don't need any explanations.

 

He does seem like a coward though, you'll are right...it's just about me not being the same!

[Hazyillusions]

Do you feel he was testing the waters bc he wanted to get u into bed?

[Kendahke]

This is the issue right here to me:

 

 

He was trying to screw you on your third date.

 

This had nothing to do with a kiss. It had to do with you didn't put out.

[DancingFool]

This is the issue right here to me:

 

 

He was trying to screw you on your third date.

 

This had nothing to do with a kiss. It had to do with you didn't put out.

 

lol exactly what I was thinking too. I think you dodged a bullet, so don't over think this.

[Ms Darcy]

I also think he was interested in much more than hooking up. Don't overthink this. He is not interested so let it go.

[bluebell29]

You all are so right! I just realised the same thing. Phew really dodged a bullet there!