How do you feel if your gf/bf goes helps another girl/guy? Need advice

[Moontiger]

What if you started going over to men's houses and cooking for them?

 

 

I'm a really nice guy, and sometimes burn my toast. Maybe you can help me with my toast burning issues? I'm sure he wouldn't see it so black and white as "helping."

 

Also don't invite your boyfriend...you know, he's not into toast.

 

I would bring this up to him. How would he feel if you were talking to a man every night about something that you did not have in common and planned to go over to his home, without your BF, to spend quality time with this other person?

[flowergrl80]

Hi all,

 

I just want to thank everyone for their responses and advices for my situation. I've heard all sorts of comments here and there. I will talk to my boyfriend tonight for a serious talk. I will get to the bottom of this situation. If all else fails, i won't have a boyfriend after tonight.

 

And all of our family thanksgiving dinners and vacation will be gone too. If that is the case, so let it be.

 

I will talk to him tonight about how i am feeling. We both need to make a decision on how to deal with this situation like adults.

[Moontiger]

Hi all,

 

I just want to thank everyone for their responses and advices for my situation. I've heard all sorts of comments here and there. I will talk to my boyfriend tonight for a serious talk. I will get to the bottom of this situation. If all else fails, i won't have a boyfriend after tonight.

 

And all of our family thanksgiving dinners and vacation will be gone too. If that is the case, so let it be.

 

I will talk to him tonight about how i am feeling. We both need to make a decision on how to deal with this situation like adults.

 

I think this is a good plan. If you want help figuring out what to say we are here for you!

[JA0371]

She has her eye on your man and he does not know it. I call those guys Capt Save A Hoe. They get suckered into helping all these women.

 

LMAO....capt Save a Hoe!!!! Hahahaha!! Stealing this one!!

[HeartGoesOn]

I'm willing to bet that if you insisted on going with him, the plans would suddenly change. Keep in mind that people who have nothing to hide, hide nothing.

[Moontiger]

I'm willing to bet that if you insisted on going with him, the plans would suddenly change. Keep in mind that people who have nothing to hide, hide nothing.

 

I bet when she bring up feeling uncomfortable he is going to brush off what she is saying or get very defensive. I am speaking as someone with a lot of male friends from college. If I were on the phone with them every single day I would assume we were making our way towards a bf/gf relationship.

[digiash]

Has the dynamic of relationship changed? You said you feel he has lost interest in you. How so?

 

If you feel in your gut something is off, I think you have every right to think that maybe he his new friendship might be a bit inappropriate.

 

Is it unlike him to just randomly start making a new female friend?

[Batya33]

I'm with the others- I think platonic friendships are fine but this arrangement doesn't sound right - my guess is the cooking together is an excuse for them to be alone together.

[SooSad33]

Well, at least he HAS told you this much!

But I dont think there is a 'need' to have to assist someone with 'cooking' a certain way re: foods/diets etc.

She may have 'conned' him into this.. the generous man he is

 

I'd be watching for ANY strange/different behavior from him after this. Can he look 'Right at you', without looking away or fidgeting? When asked questions about her? (nothing to hide.. being honest?).

 

If he does go there.. I'd just say, I hope this isn't going to happen EVERY week.

[Mesemene]

She has her eye on your man and he does not know it. I call those guys Capt Save A Hoe. They get suckered into helping all these women.

 

LMAO... Oh man this gave me a laugh.

 

I had an ex like this.

 

He fixed cars, escorted ones who were being "stalked," you name it.

 

Yes, OP, address how this makes you feel, and see if you can make a boundary for him for what you consider reasonable helping someone vs unreasonable.

 

Write down what parts are making you uncomfortable. Sounds silly, but there's nothing like finally talking and forgetting points you meant to address.

[pl3asehelp]

She has her eye on your man and he does not know it. I call those guys Capt Save A Hoe. They get suckered into helping all these women.

 

More like they would love their girlfriends or significant others to think they got suckered into helping these women when so as not to appear responsible for cultivating something on the side.

[pippy longstocking]

dip his penis in bread crumbs , if her eyes look like she did 10 rounds with bruno the next day then you have your answer ...

 

 

op I wouldn't be happy with this interaction either , I hope you resolve it when you have your chat x

[ParisPaulette]

Let us know how it goes. We are here for you and hopefully he'll realize he's gotten suckered into a bit more than he thought rather than it turning out to be something else. But at least you'll know one way or another, not months down the road when it's a sudden, "I'm sorry honey, but I don't love you anymore" then they're together the next day.

 

Also love the Capt. Save a Hoe line and penis dipped in breadcrumbs. If we can't at least have a sense of humor about it all then what's life worth right? Either way you will be fine as long as you maintain your boundaries about what you find acceptable and not acceptable. Remember he has to respect and deserve you too, not just the other way around only.

[ChellyV]

FOLLOW YOUR GUT! Your gut is telling you something that is why you are alarmed to the point of ENA.

 

Ask him for more information about this girl and tell him that you are not comfortable with it. He has the last say on what to do henceforth.

[flowergrl80]

hi everyone!

Thank you again for the replies and comments. I had a talk with my boyfriend over the weekend. I sat him down told him everything i was feeling. I told him i didn't like the fact how he talks to this girl everyday. How he brushes me off when i ask him something because he is too busy talking to her. I told him how i didnt like he put me down the list and put her up on the list thing to do. that is so not cool! I told him i didnt like the idea him going over her house to do the cooking even though if it is in a friendly level. I told him i feel as his mind is not with me but somewhere else. i told him i am feeling very sad and down about all of this.

 

He told me not to worry. he was just going over there to do a food experiment with her. they are trying to cook foods with special ingredients and then help other people. so he went over there to discuss about it and the about the food. he said nothing happened. i told him on sunday that i wanted him home before 8pm to watch a tv show. he did came before 8pm. but i noticed that he wasn't very happy. that was my impression.

 

i told him when we had the talk saturday if he feels he doesnt love me anymore he can just leave me. he said he does love me and doesn't want to leave me. he said they are just friends. he said this was probably the last time he will meet with her about cooking the food. since the food experiment turned out good, the next step is for them is to find people who needs these kinda of food and work from it.

 

after i talk to him i felt good but not yesterday. i stayed home called out sick and just kept thinking about it. i even saw his text message with her. how he says thanks for washing the dishes and she says thanks for everything and the creative food. he then says whenever her mom needs a break that he is there to cook anytime and he puts lol. then she says, aww that is sweet and that he will be cooking forever. and that was the end of the message. am i reading too much into this line of text message?

 

why do i keep feeling he likes her and wants to be with her not me. why do i feel he isnt happy being and living with me.

 

 

(for many out there wondering , this girl i met her few times. she use to be a vendor for a company where me and my boyfriend use to work. )

[flowergrl80]

This weekend, we have plans for thanksgiving dinner with my family tomorrow and his family this thursday. also, were going on a mini vacation for the weekend. honestly, with all this mind and feeling sad i just dont have any interest of doing anything. i am seriously out of it now. =(

[metrogirl]

So after all of that, you spilling your feelings and concerns to him he still went and you were ok with it and he's still snowing you. He must be a genious in the kitchen, that short of time experimenting with food and everything was perfect and now they are prepared to help others. Of course they are.

[flowergrl80]

So after all of that, you spilling your feelings and concerns to him he still went and you were ok with it and he's still snowing you. He must be a genious in the kitchen, that short of time experimenting with food and everything was perfect and now they are prepared to help others. Of course they are.

 

yup that is what he told me. he did take a lot of food items to her house to cook. so i guess that one thing is sure of cooking. he printed out recipes for it too. so i know that is not a lie.

[flowergrl80]

i mean if you dont love someone or have no interest the right thing to do is break up with them. that is how i see it. ive been telling him this too i said if this happens again making me feel this way then i am out of this relationship for good.

[dangletsbang]

I just would not be okay with the fact that you voiced your opinion and how you felt about the entire matter...and he still went regardless. Blatant disregard.

[flowergrl80]

I just would not be okay with the fact that you voiced your opinion and how you felt about the entire matter...and he still went regardless. Blatant disregard.

 

since he said it would be the last time he went to go see and talk to her. i believe him and let him go. i told him not to stay there too long and to come home early. he did came home early. he wasnt happy about it that what strucks me now.

 

regardless of what he is doing or not. from now on i will keep my eye on him and see if i see any changes of behaviour. if he does then i will end the relationship for good. why bother staying with someone who doesnt feel the same way as you right?

 

anyways, i will play this by ear. i dont have anything to loose at the end. if he keeps doing what he does, then let it be.

 

thank you all for listening. i really dont have anyone to talk to about this. i am alone on this. i just felt that i needed to know what others feel. i dont know what will happen in the future for me and my boyfriend. whatever happens happens.

 

=)

[metrogirl]

yup that is what he told me. he did take a lot of food items to her house to cook. so i guess that one thing is sure of cooking. he printed out recipes for it too. so i know that is not a lie.

 

That doesn't mean anything. Yes he took food so he could cook with her and spend time with her. I don't think anyone here is saying that he didn't intend on cooking with her, it's the bonding that is taking place while he is cooking with her.

[flowergrl80]

That doesn't mean anything. Yes he took food so he could cook with her and spend time with her. I don't think anyone here is saying that he didn't intend on cooking with her, it's the bonding that is taking place while he is cooking with her.

 

so what do you think i should do then??

[Moontiger]

yup that is what he told me. he did take a lot of food items to her house to cook. so i guess that one thing is sure of cooking. he printed out recipes for it too. so i know that is not a lie.

 

My impression of the situation is he likes this girl a lot and if he were single he would be hanging out with her all the time and trying to get a date. But he is with you and feels comfortable in the relationship.

 

I would find it very disrespectful to pour my heart out like that and have my BF go ahead anyway with something that made me feel so uncomfortable.

[Mesemene]

since he said it would be the last time he went to go see and talk to her. i believe him and let him go. i told him not to stay there too long and to come home early. he did came home early. he wasnt happy about it that what strucks me now.

 

Honey, he's giving you lip service.

 

He just told this lady he WOULD HELP HER COOK ANYTIME. Regardless of what he told you, he's just told her if she says "jump," his likely response will be "how high?"

 

Even if he's not "doing anything" with her - it sounds like he's either perilously close to an emotional affair - or addicted to playing rescue hero. Either one is leaving you as a non-priority. And this is the issue.

 

Take a giant step back. Given everything you know - what do you HONESTLY think will happen the first time you want to do something with him, and she calls him to help?

 

Is he going to tell her "sorry, plans with my girl, so I can't - maybe another time" or is he going to tell you "sorry Pink, but she needs a hand, so we'll have to do dinner another night."

 

From what you've said, he's enjoying whatever he's getting from helping her to turn her down.

 

Sit him down. Tell him the words he says don't matter unless he can make you feel he really cares with his ACTIONS, and actually put you first and MEAN IT.

 

If he can't do that, I'd seriously consider what you're gaining from staying in this relationship.