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How do you feel if your gf/bf goes helps another girl/guy? Need advice


flowergrl80

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Hi All,

 

Here is my little story. I am here because I need few other advices.

 

My boyfriend and I have been together for over an year. We both live together too. We get along very well. We don't really fight or argue. If we do, its just small things.

 

I met my boyfriend at this company I use to work for. There was this girl who came to give the company supplies for stuff. I met this girl too at my job before.

 

Well, my boyfriend and her has been in contact. I have no problem with that.

 

Lately, he has been talking to her every day after we have dinner. He is helping her with some health issues that she is going through. I guess she can't eat certain type of food or ingredients. Anyways, he is going over her house this weekend to discuss about this issue and also cook together to see what they can cook and with what stuff. And my boyfriend told me that once everything goes well, they are planning on helping other people who has similar issues as this girl.

 

It doesn't sound too bad if you ask me. But I can't help the fact that he is helping her. He said there is nothing wrong with helping people.

 

 

The reason I feel this way is because I feel as if he is loosing interest in me. I ask him about it and he said no.He still loves me he says. I know I should take his word for it and not to worry. But I can't help the way I think. It's really bugging me.

 

Everyone is different on how they think and stuff right? No one is identical of how they feel~

 

I do trust him that he is helping her with the food issues.

 

Am I suppose to be okay with this?

 

Please give me some positive advice! I have been feeling very negative for this whole month.

 

 

Thanks !

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Yes on the surface, sure it sounds all fine. We don't know for sure either way. Is he a nutritionist that he must go and help this girl?

 

 

I will add a little story, and it won't help you feel any better but anyway...

 

My EX went to go help her "friend" move, this was a close friend of hers. I didn't offer to help since I ALWAYS help everyone move, and he wasn't that close to me. I had an argument with my conscience that I should be helping him since my GF was helping, but I said screw it.

 

She spent a lot of time with him, 3 months later we break up, I ask her if there is someone else, she says no... she gets together with him immediately

 

 

Could I have done anything? Ehh...maybe, possibly...

 

the intention titled from me to him after that...I didn't think much of it. (I was convinced he was gay so I didn't consider him encroaching on my GF) I could of shown her more attention I could of done a million things, but there were things about her that I didn't like. The biggest one was our lack of communication about all the petty little things, that would slowly eat away at her (I slowly found out)

 

So my only piece of advice is communication...

 

 

talk to him.

 

 

In my PERSONAL opinion, why the hell is he cooking for a co-worker? Unless he's a nutritionist or some kind of trained chef I don't think it's in his scope to be doing that. What is she gluten intolerant, lactose?

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Hi Moontiger,

 

No, he has no food issues. Only she does.

 

No he didnt invite me either. Because they will be doing is talking about the food issues and experiment on cooking.

 

I can't say he has hidden any communication. He just talks to her on emails. I dont even know if she knows we are living together.

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Hi BigKK,

 

I am sorry to hear about!

 

No he isn't a nutritionist or a chef.

 

Yes she is gluten intolerant, lactose and other stuff. Basically she cant really eat of anything!.. So my boyfriend has been researching and helping her.

 

But now , he going to her house to talk about it and experiment on cooking. I just don't know how to take this that's all.

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Hi Moontiger,

 

No, he has no food issues. Only she does.

 

No he didnt invite me either. Because they will be doing is talking about the food issues and experiment on cooking.

 

I can't say he has hidden any communication. He just talks to her on emails. I dont even know if she knows we are living together.

 

Ok, this is a bit of a red flag for me. Not only is there no common ground which would explain their connection he has more or less asked you not to come with. I cannot say what he is thinking or what his intent is, but to me...this doesn't feel right.

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Ok, this is a bit of a red flag for me. Not only is there no common ground which would explain their connection he has more or less asked you not to come with. I cannot say what he is thinking or what his intent is, but to me...this doesn't feel right.

 

Yeah i feel the same way too. I don't know what he is trying to do. He saying not to worry. But his action is just not looking like it I guess.

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Help someone every day? That is a NO. Helping once in a while is no problem.

 

yeah they are talking more than before. Now that they are going to meet and discuss about the food issues and cooking. I mean I know my boyfriend won't do anything wrong but who knows right? She lives with her mom so I think the mom will be there as well.

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If he were a professional or if he also had the same food issues then yes, but just to go help her because he has been researching. NO

 

She could research for herself, she could find a group of people that have the same issues and why can't he invite you? Nuh-uh......sounds fishy to me. Tell him you want to go to help them research, see what kind of fight he puts up.

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yeah they are talking more than before. Now that they are going to meet and discuss about the food issues and cooking. I mean I know my boyfriend won't do anything wrong but who knows right? She lives with her mom so I think the mom will be there as well.

 

She has her eye on your man and he does not know it. I call those guys Capt Save A Hoe. They get suckered into helping all these women.

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If he were a professional or if he also had the same food issues then yes, but just to go help her because he has been researching. NO

 

She could research for herself, she could find a group of people that have the same issues and why can't he invite you? Nuh-uh......sounds fishy to me. Tell him you want to go to help them research, see what kind of fight he puts up.

 

Yeah that is what i feel too. I guess I just have to see what this situation will bring for us. Either bad or good.....something will happen...

 

You think he is helping this girl because he feels he has no feelings for me at all? Like he doesn't care!

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How about this, NICELY insist on coming alone. "It sounds like fun! I wanna experiment with food too!" If he reacts badly you know what you need to do.

 

Yeah it would be nice if I said that to him. But he knows i have no interest of helping. Because he was the one helping her not me. Honestly, I don't want to go. Its not my business to be at.

 

If things happen between them. its on them. If we need to break up because of it. then we will need too.

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Yeah it would be nice if I said that to him. But he knows i have no interest of helping. Because he was the one helping her not me. Honestly, I don't want to go. Its not my business to be at.

 

If things happen between them. its on them. If we need to break up because of it. then we will need too.

 

I get that. Your other option to to express that this makes you uncomfortable. No blaming, finger point, or anger. Just a, "I feel uncomfortable when you help another woman every single day. Can we talk about this?" If he get mad or defensive you know what you need to do.

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I get that. Your other option to to express that this makes you uncomfortable. No blaming, finger point, or anger. Just a, "I feel uncomfortable when you help another woman every single day. Can we talk about this?" If he get mad or defensive you know what you need to do.

 

We talk about this before. Because he help another woman with her business set up. He helps her once in awhile. At first I was very upset because he was helping. But I think I am more upset now because He is helping another woman!

 

He just says there is nothing wrong helping people who needs help. I guess that his views. I guess its hard for me to understand it because I dont really do that. If if its family member friends or relatives I dont mind helping.but strangers?

 

It just seems a little weird to me

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We talk about this before. Because he help another woman with her business set up. He helps her once in awhile. At first I was very upset because he was helping. But I think I am more upset now because He is helping another woman!

 

He just says there is nothing wrong helping people who needs help. I guess that his views. I guess its hard for me to understand it because I dont really do that. If if its family member friends or relatives I dont mind helping.but strangers?

 

It just seems a little weird to me

 

 

I guess I just need to see how this goes. Maybe I am overreacting with this situation.

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I guess I just need to see how this goes. Maybe I am overreacting with this situation.

 

There is a huge different between helping someone every now and then and helping them all time on an issue they have don't have in common. Just be careful and don't let yourself be trampled.

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yeah they are talking more than before. Now that they are going to meet and discuss about the food issues and cooking. I mean I know my boyfriend won't do anything wrong but who knows right? She lives with her mom so I think the mom will be there as well.

 

No, you don't know that because he's not inviting you to accompany him.

 

To me, that's a huge red flag. Would be different if he invited the girl over to do the cooking at his place and you're there, too. That's not what is going on.

 

I would have a huge problem with him doing this on a consistent basis and I wasn't invited at least once.

 

If everything is on the up and up, then neither of them should have a problem with you being there.

 

When you see her at work. let her know that you two live together... and ask her how the cooking is going--and what recipes they've come up with--that you'd like to try it out, even if you don't have any intention on cooking anything. That way, you can see if it's true that they're doing what they say they're doing because she can tell you exactly what she's cooked. If she can't come up with anything, then they're screwing.

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Yeah it would be nice if I said that to him. But he knows i have no interest of helping. Because he was the one helping her not me. Honestly, I don't want to go. Its not my business to be at.

 

If things happen between them. its on them. If we need to break up because of it. then we will need too.

 

you need to change your interest with a quickness if you want to keep your man, hon... even if you have to fake the interest, you'd better change it.

 

However, if you're this disinterested in your relationship, move out now and let it be done with.

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What if you started going over to men's houses and cooking for them?

 

 

I'm a really nice guy, and sometimes burn my toast. Maybe you can help me with my toast burning issues? I'm sure he wouldn't see it so black and white as "helping."

 

Also don't invite your boyfriend...you know, he's not into toast.

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I agree with Moontiger. This would be normal if they had a common interest, but since when does her having food problems become his concern? Why does he and she think he's the one to help her when she should be going to a trained nutritionist or doctor about these things--not some guy she met at work. You also indicate you don't even know if she knows about you, which is another big red flag. Personally if it were me I'd be upfront and tell him it's weird that he's suddenly become this girl's nutritionist and doctor when he has no training in it and that telling you to not come along is a big red flag. And yes I would say it like that, but I've learned to not keep my mouth shut about these things hoping it isn't what it looks like. So insist you get to come too.

 

You could also try the whole, "Wow, I have always had an interest there," and just sort of interject yourself into it all by emailing her yourself and inviting yourself along. Insist you come, because you want to know this all too and see what happens. If it's all upfront he'll be happy his GF is taking an interest as well and the other girl and you can be friends. If it's something else though he and she will have a far different reaction and at that point you'll know something is afoot.

 

And yes, I've had the whole "But I'm helping her" routine pulled on me by my ex and it turned out not to be so innocent. I'm sorry to say that and it may all be okay, but even if it's fine on his part it can't hurt to let her know you're there since she may be doing it all thinking she's getting a boyfriend out of the deal. Either way, you are either a part of his life and he's willing to bring you places and meet his friends and it's all good. Or he isn't and you need to find out what the truth is.

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