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Am I just overthinking it? Helpful advice needed.


penguin22

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Hi everyone,

So here is my current dilemma. I've been married to my husband for 1.5 years. We're both 26 without kids and I think honestly that I am just a worry wart. My husband works security at a corporate office (they make touch screen phones) anyway, he used to work a swing shift from 4pm-12am Monday thru Wednesday. So while I was at work 8:30am-5:30pm on those days, he'd be home so he would text me i love you sweetheart every morning. Now that he works M-F 8am-5pm. I'm lucky if I even get a hello throughout the whole day but at least I have the weekends to look forward to. Some days he'll call me on his lunch, some days no. He tells me that there are cameras everywhere and he can't be caught on his phone. Also, he has his phone on silent because if he is talking to someone in the office and it goes off, he'll get reamed for it. He has also been trying to brown nose his supervisor (who apparently is a 40+ lady who still lives with her mother) that's on a power trip.

 

Now just yesterday, he was telling me that the receptionist (who he tells me is not attractive to him) has a jealous husband who believes that the receptionist is fooling around with my husband. Both my husband and the receptionist say nothing is going on, they are only interacting with one another when he gives her her lunch. He's also shown me his phone and texts to prove that nothing is going on that the guy that the receptionist is married to is just crazy. I believe my husband in that sense.

 

My dilemma here is I'm so used to hearing from my husband throughout the day, that its driving me insane with worry and my mind is coming up with insane stories of what might be happening, whether its him getting hurt, or maybe he's just in a meeting, or sometimes the complex has a special event going on that he has to guard. So while I'm at work, I'm checking my phone 100+ times and frankly I think it's starting to effect my performance. I don't know what to do

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the receptionist told her husband about her day, and said she was happy that she will be getting her breaks and lunches on time because before they didn't have a morning guard to relieve her. Then her husband asked if the guard was male or female. She said male and he went off on her and made her sleep on the couch.

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Relax, get a grip. I think you are way over reacting. Your husband is trying to be forth coming with you and you are stressing over something which should not be a problem.

 

I work in a job where I am not allowed to have my cell phone. When I get to work, I park my car and leave the phone inside my auto. I have to pass a metal detector and no one is allowed inside my job with a cell phone, Some jobs have these type of restrictions.

 

Besides, you have no reason that someothing is going on between him and someone else. The only thing you have as evidence to the contrary is an illusion of your imagination.

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the receptionist told her husband about her day, and said she was happy that she will be getting her breaks and lunches on time because before they didn't have a morning guard to relieve her. Then her husband asked if the guard was male or female. She said male and he went off on her and made her sleep on the couch.

 

I suppose that could be a legit story but the pessimist in me wonders if there was a little more to the story.

 

Either way, you don't have really anything to go on other than he doesn't text you as much as before which could be because of the shift change. Some shifts are far busier than others.

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Relax, get a grip. I think you are way over reacting. Your husband is trying to be forth coming with you and you are stressing over something which should not be a problem.

 

I work in a job where I am not allowed to have my cell phone. When I get to work, I park my car and leave the phone inside my auto. I have to pass a metal detector and no one is allowed inside my job with a cell phone, Some jobs have these type of restrictions.

 

Besides, you have no reason that someothing is going on between him and someone else. The only thing you have as evidence to the contrary is an illusion of your imagination.

 

Thanks for this, I needed someone to reassure me just a touch. The schedule change just changed on Monday so its only the end of the first week. Its not like its been going on for a really long time.

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When he was working a shift when no one was around, he could text you. Now, he works a shift where people are always around.

 

Focus on the good news...he is working normal hours and you will get to see him more!

 

Thanks mhowe! I'm trying really hard. We have a good relationship at home, he's not a very big fan of PDA but he's very affectionate behind closed doors. When we're out if I hold his hand its not like he shoos me away. He reassures me when I have a bad day, I just don't wanna push him away with my senseless worrying.

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You need to realize that relationships are not about texting from work and texting really means nothing.

 

More and more employers are banning cell phones and have increasingly strict policies against cell phone use at work. Many places nowadays will discipline and fire you if they see you playing on your phone too much. You need to stop being obsessed about stupid meaningless things that can get your husband fired.

 

As others said, when he was working at night and nobody was around, he could get away with it. When he was home alone trying to rest or get some sleep, he could text you. Now he is working normal hours and is constantly under the eye of his bosses who probably do not have a high tolerance for employees playing on their phones. So unless you want him to lose his job, I suggest you get a grip, because you are obsessing over nonsense. Besides, you will lose your own job if it comes to light that you are on your phone instead of working. I would suggest that you start leaving your phone in the car because it's turning into an obsessive compulsive addiction from what you are describing.

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I think it’s best to arrange a system with your husband where he texts you during a lunch hour (if he can) or breaks, before and after work, which can hopefully make you, feel more relaxed and safe. I understand him and the difficulty of using the phone at work when you are being watched. If this doesn’t make you feel better you may need to seek out counseling and try to figure out what is triggering these feelings for you. You also need to spend more time with him and schedule at least 1 date night a week. Date nights and time alone together can make you feel more secure and allow you to develop a healthy relationship.

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the receptionist told her husband about her day, and said she was happy that she will be getting her breaks and lunches on time because before they didn't have a morning guard to relieve her. Then her husband asked if the guard was male or female. She said male and he went off on her and made her sleep on the couch.

And this fascinating little story about what a jealous whack-job the receptionist's husband is - may I assume that's the story your husband told you?

 

Here's a little life advice you learn when you get older and wiser - where there's smoke, there's fire. If her husband thinks your husband is up to no good, there's a reason for it.

 

Your husband's story sounds 'off.' It sounds contrived, self-serving, and it's fishy as hell. The reason you can't sit still is because your gut is SCREAMING to you that something is off even though you believe everything your husband keeps telling you. Your gut knows differently.

 

There's a little bit more to this story than your hubby is letting on. And yup, I'd bet my right arm on it. He's painting himself out to be some kind of innocent saint whose wrongly being accused by some deranged, overly-jealous husband and he doesn't deserve it - no sir! He's innocent!

 

Sorry. Your husband is lying. And when you eventually find out the truth (and I don't know when that will be) you'll remember this post.

 

Good luck to you.

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Why would your husband randomly say to you out of the blue for no reason without you asking "the unattractive receptionists husband thinks were up to something-here check my phone so you know were not"

 

Hes covering his a**. The chances are, he IS up to something, someone found out and is threatening to tell you so he got there first and tried to get you to believe him first... it sounds awfully fishy to me.

 

When my ex was cheating on me-he made a point of calling her fat, ugly, saying she looks like a man etc.. he was trying to make me believe he hates her and thinks shes horrible so if i found out-i wouldn't believe it.. i'm not naive though or stupid and i caught on to what he was trying to do fairly fast and gave him the boot.

 

If i were you, id start snooping. Say nothing to him right now. Try to get a hold of his phone when hes asleep. Check drawers, the car for a secret phone, check computer history (even download one of those tracker things so you can view deleted history) go to his work place and have a look at the receptionist yourself. See how "unattractive" she actually is. Say to her "ive come to see my husband, its important" gauge her reaction-is she awkward? Is he being in the same place as both of you?

 

I know a lot of people will disagree with me and say its wrong to spy on him or snoop but hes not going to tell you the truth if you ask him and hes just going to try and cover his tracks more. Never ever confront someone without decent proof/evidence. If you do you'll never get the truth.

 

Your instincts are telling you somethings not right. If you wern't seriously worried you wouldn't have posted on the infidelity part of this thread.

 

Keep calm, keep a level head, don't accuse him of anything or even mention this receptionist again. Just get sneaky and see if there is anything to find. Id search everything now and again once a week for a month or two till your sure there's nothing going on. He gave you his phone so if he his hiding something-hes already doing a good job of trying to hide it

 

he cant call you at lunch is very very suspicious. I dont know anyone whose not allowed make personal calls on their lunch break

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