things changed from Day 1!!!

[Borken Heart]

Hello everyone, I'm not used to sharing my personal stories on forums, but I'm really confused, and would appreciate to hear your opinions, or your stories if similar things happened to you.

 

I've been with my boyfriend for 5 months, the relationship was a roller coaster because his situation was a little complicated, but we really loved each other. He was very passionate at first, and wanted to speed up things (moving together having children, etc.). But I preferred to wait, because he was in the middle of a breakup, and still living with his ex at that time.

 

A week ago he moved to another continent for work. He was a little cold before leaving, but I tried to be understanding and supportive because I didn't want to be an extra source of stress for him.

We said we'd keep in touch but did not talk about the practical aspect of things (calling, Skype, etc.).

He sent me an e-mail two days after arriving, he said nothing special, "I made it safely, the weather is great here, I'll be doing this and that blabla how are you?"

I was a little disappointed when I received the e-mail, there were no emotions at all although he's very good at expressing them usually (unlike me). I said nothing about it, told him it was very good to hear from him, I was glad he's having fun, I was fine and was also doing this and that, and I asked him about work.

He answered 5 days later!! literally saying "How are you? I have met so many great people already!!" WOW, this answer is just too much for me. I though of all the possible answers I could give.

1) pretend everything is normal, and answer nicely (won't work for me).

2) play games, and answer a week later saying I'm fine, great for you! (but I don't feel like playing games).

3) be open about it, and say that I don't like the way things are evolving. But I know he can communicate better than that when he really wants to and I can only assume that he's doing it on purpose, so I don't feel like talking about it would have any positive effect.

4) just don't answer. It will hurt (probably both of us), but may be some things are just not meant to be!

 

Help please!

[SpottiOtti]

Just be honest. If you want to try and make the relationship work, tell him you need more communication and Skype now and again, etc. And tell him you are pissed and hurt that he waited five days to email you back. If you want to cut your losses, then send him an email and tell him you've decided long-distance isn't for you. But, you sound ambivalent about what you want. Do you know what you want?

[Borken Heart]

Thank you for your reply SpottiOtti! I really love this guy and used to feel great with him. We used to talk a lot about the future, and I could totally see myself with him forever. But now I can no longer feel his passion, and I don't want to settle for this kind of relationship, especially when it is Long Distance!

[offplanet]

He doesn't seem very interested any more. It's good that you don't want to settle for it, as so many people do.

[ParisPaulette]

Just be honest and tell him it's time to end things. A huge problem is that you were essentially the rebound and you haven't been togethe that long. Now to add to that, which is already going to be tough there's a physical long distance. LDRs are tough as it is, but you two don't even share much of a history and he wasn't that invested to begin with since he wasn't totally free of the last relationship at the time. I think it's time to end things and move on to find someone who is really ready for a full relationship--and you can see that, not just that they claim they are when it's kind of obvious they're still embroiled in the previous relationship--and who is there with you.

[DancingFool]

Communicate honestly that a casual e-mail once in a week is not working for you and suggest frequency of communication and alternatives, like skype, etc. You'll know soon enough if he was just genuinely caught up in a new environment and temporarily neglected you or if he is moving on.