What am I doing that is repelling women my age?

[happpybear]

I agree that you should probably stop the veg diet (unless it's about personal values) eating meat, lots and lots of delicious meat will really help you gain and keep weight on (and make you healthier in general--just my opinion!). Most guys I know need to consume protein powders in order to bulk up, so do that too.

 

I also agree that you should tone down the bright colors, and aside from the colors, what is your style? If it is anything other than conservative you will attract young girls. Honestly, pick up an LL Bean catalog...dress like that, muted colors, nothing tight or too lose, corduroy, sweaters.

[junebug123]

I'm about as genuine and considerate as I could possibly be.

 

Does this include going in for gropes, kisses, and feels. Because if it doesn't then maybe that's the problem. Excuse me for the vulgar language, i am just trying to make a point.

[Ginger1]

don't worry about your looks that much. you are probably self conscious about that which will affect your personality/confidence. Just be YOU. I have been attracted to both buff guys who look like they could knock you with swipe of the arm and nerdy skinny guys! lol.

On the same token, I don't put much effort at all into my appearance. I'm a normal weight and all, but clothes/makeup, I don't give a darn. And honestly most guys don't really seem to care that much, a smile is good enough! lol. Now some guys I have dated have told me that they sometimes wish I dressed more girly on occasion, but it didn't stop them from asking me out in the first place.

So I think the same kind of goes for guys....

[abitbroken]

Women are not fickle and flakey. Most of us know what we want and what we are attracted to - but you have to find the right woman. And not look at them as a big flock of geese that you need to wade into and they all flap around randomly. I still say join meetup groups, etc, and you will meet enough women who share your interests and among those, you will find someone attracted to you. If you are counting just people who come up to you as a stranger or you go up to as a stranger, you will get nowhere

[elsenyor]

Gaining weight was also very difficult for me, my whole life i weighed ~145 pounds, I started working out like a mad man, and eating a LOT of food that my trainer suggested... took me 5 months to gain 7 pounds, but I lost it just as fast when I stopped hitting the gym and following the diet. (Did it mostly to help get over the ex, now that I'm almost there the drive sort of disappeared but hey, I'm getting back into it for my sake now)

 

It takes lots of discipline, lots of time, and you can lose it fairly easily if you don't follow up on it, like mentioned it really takes a year for 5 - 10 pounds of lean muscle per year.

[abysmal]

Alright, I do not expect myself to be able to commit to exercising again long term, as I have a job and school, but I think over the holidays I might have some time opening up to plan a routine. Happpybear, I basically just wear long sleeve, oxford style button-up shirts and khakis, sometimes jeans. That pretty much rotates every day and no deviation, really. I'm not a fan of those collared shirts and I also am not comfortable with just wearing basic shirts, etc. I think it might be a good idea to look into getting blazers or some sport coats, perhaps.

 

Delacrank, are you suggesting I be more physical with these women? It might be a good idea in some instances, but I rarely am in a situation, like at a party or club, for example, where physical touch or being more forward with flirtation is acceptable. It's pretty much just work and school that takes up the majority of my time. And I've had some dates with coworkers and such, but I've never crossed any boundaries. Maybe I am too restrained in my demeanor.

 

I'll try not to take my looks into too much consideration. But I have this checklist of reasons why I am single and why I am not approached. Narrowing it down, It is either related to appearance, being too boring/nice, or because I too often make myself seem uptight, unapproachable and unfriendly (ie no eye contact at times, stare at the floor, keep to myself). One of those three factors. Female platonic friends and acquaintances give me the explanation that I need to talk more, that it is because I am unapproachable. Logic tells me, though, that aesthetic beauty is a major factor, and if I'm just not what they're looking for physically, it might deter them. I mean, I read all the time on this forum about girls trying to get the shy crush in their life to open up. So I figure some girls might therefore be interested in me for that shy aspect of my personality, that I would present a challenge. I don't see that anyone is chasing after me, though.

 

Thank you all again for reading and for the support!

[agatha]

I'm a girl who's always loved skinny guys. I've dated football players, alright, but if I can choose, I go for the runner body, always.

 

Actually, right now I'm having a fling with this guy I know from college, and though he's a bit taller (I'm 5'8", he's 6'), he's barely past the 150lbs mark - I myself am barely past the 110lbs. Curious is how it started, he's 20, I'm 27 - and we've known each other for quite some time now (both musicians), but this semester we became classmates at this course, so every now and then we had to talk - he lent me a book for a test, I gave him a couple of rides when it was raining, friendly stuff like this. A couple of days ago I was idling, waiting for the school director to return from this meeting so I could sort out some administrative issues regarding a concert, and we had a bite to eat at the cafeteria - I ended up watching his private coaching session, he watched mine, and we were headed the same way after class, so I offered him a ride. There is a 7 year gap there, so I always only thought of him as a friend and potential professional partner, though I'm generally attracted to guys like him.

 

Well, thing is I've been having chance encounters with my exes pretty often for the last month, and it's been bugging me, so I randomly started talking about relationships and stuff, and he asked me what were their signs - I've mostly dated pisces, aries, cancer, and virgo. Then he turned to me and "ever dated a scorpio? How do you think that would go?". And we started pondering pros and cons (we are both scorpios), and talked about music, politics, the universe and more in between - and I never realized he was flirting with me until he grabbed my hand and said "how cold your hand is! Are they always like this? Here, let me warm them for a while.", and as he held onto them, he kept his eye contact all the time, until there was nothing left to say, so he kissed me (to the sound of crickets and a classical guitar spanish song far in the distance - it couldn't get any more romantically casual than that).

 

He dresses as an average guy, he looks like an average guy, he is pretty "green" in many aspects, absolutely shy, and still I'm looking forward to dating him (a 20yr old whose first date idea is 'dinner and a theater play', how can I not want him?). His big bold move was to reach out and show me he was interested. I know pretty well what I want, but if he didn't let me know he wanted me, we could have gone forever as friends. The trick is not to go ahead and pour your heart out, like many do after trying to hide their affection and protect their egos for a long time - the right thing to do is to plant that seed in the other person's heart, and cultivate it. The smallest gestures count. Girls don't approach you? What about you? Have you shown anything besides friendliness? Have you stopped to pay attention and look for the cues girl give? Guys complain a lot about being put in the friendzone, but more often than not, when we talk about relationships and their perks we are looking for a fresh start - as if we'd be saying 'you see, I'm single, this is what I'm looking for, what do you think about it?'. Even if we, ourselves, are mostly oblivious to that subtext (moment of self-consciousness here o.O).

 

Btw - most girls don't chase, they offer guys opportunities to show their interest. It's subtle, and there are those very, very shy girls who make people's life harder by being so shy that they can almost convince you that they would rather die than have any contact with you, when in truth they are strongly infatuated. Women are pretty complicated... but the average girl will go for some eye contact, will let you hold their hands, and eventually hug you a little tighter when saying 'hi' or 'bye'. Maybe that's what you are missing...

[junebug123]

Delacrank, are you suggesting I be more physical with these women?

 

yes

 

And I've had some dates with coworkers and such, but I've never crossed any boundaries.

 

boundaries are for women who like aren't attracted to you or have already say no to an approach, you can't simply put walls up or create boundaries when you have no idea what the other person is thinking. This is how i felt when i was in the 7th grade, I always thought that women didn't want to be touched and that it was considered sexual harassment if you did touch or tried to get close to a girl. I didn't actually learn that certain women didn't want to be touched and others did, until i hit about 17 and even then i was really cautious about it.

 

Now at 27, i have a much more lax attitude about the whole boundaries affair and know when enough signals have been given for the go ahead.

 

But I have this checklist of reasons why I am single and why I am not approached.

 

It's simple, women don't normally approach men period. Even good looking guys rarely get approached and when they do approach you, you might not even realize it. They will ask you for directions or find some convenient way to talk to you without being forward so you might not even notice. Work and school is fine, but what do you do with your time off. If it doesn't consist of finding ways to get close to women then chances are that your possibility of meeting one is going to drop significantly. Also, you may not realize that school and work our opportunities to meet women.