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Follow my head or my heart?


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Hi

 

I broke up with my girlfriend 2 months ago. We had been together for 1 and a half year. The reason I broke up was because I never really felt that 'spark' with her. It was more like we were best friends or friends on a really deep level. We developed from FWB and then into a relationship. I have now, for 1 month, been doubting if I made the right decision.

 

On one side is my head saying I could have a great future with her, because all the things we have in common, and what great of a person she is. We've have had so many great experiences together and I know she would never be unfaithful to me. This would be the safe and logical decision.

 

On the other side is my heart saying you never felt that 'spark' with her and deserve a girl that could give you that. However, this means losing her forever, losing my best friend, maybe being heartbroken along the way, and/or cheated on. This would be the riskier decision.

 

So my question is, in a scenario like this, is it always best to follow your heart or can my heart sometimes be wrong? What would be the right decision? Has anyone here gone with the safe choice (followed their head), if so, did it work out in the end?

 

Thanks!

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One thing that is risky with that "spark" is that in time that feeling does die.. Least for one of the parties. But I understand where your coming from you wanna feel head in the clouds in love. But it's hard to stay up on that cloud after time passes. They say the hottest loves end the coldest . So just take time and figure out WHAT YOU WANT TO DO. Logically it would make sense and sometimes following your heart gets you on wrong path. Don't rush the decision take the time to think long and hard because last thing you want to do is tell her "I made a mistake" to only break her heart again. good luck!

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I've been having this exact same issue and i'm in your shoes as a girlfriend. I love my boyfriend and we have a great relationship. We could be happy together for a long time, we have great communication, and he loves me and treats me better than I deserve. The only problem is I've never felt that chemical attraction, that I-need-you-now, cant-live-without-you thing that you hear about. I don't know if it even exists, and if it does i'm pretty sure that it doesn't last past the first few years of marriage. So should I stick with the man who is loving and constant and dependable and compatible? Or seek the butterflies and craziness? Let me know if you have any epiphanies, cause i'm at a loss too. Right now i'm thinking the long term potential outweighs the immediate rush of lust and love that seems to be missing. I'm thinking a deeper, more rooted connection is better than the initial chemical thing that fades after a few years.

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Thanks for your replies. I'm surprised by the responses. I would have imagined people saying 'follow your heart, it leads to long term happiness' or something like that. But I guess not.

 

Has anyone else had similar experiences, or maybe different?

 

Would appreciate getting a opinions from a few more people.

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In my opinion you need a modest mix of both. You need someone who is stable and dependable yet give you a slight spark. But that spark we all talk about means different things to each one of us.

 

I have followed my heart in a relationship and it did not end well.

 

I have followed my head in a relationship and that ended as well.

 

To truly sustain a relationship there needs to be a consensus from heart and head. Everyone saying that the spark dies off is to a good degree true. I think a spark is an on and off thing. I think it is fluid. It changes as time goes on. You may feel a different spark 10 years in a marriage. And I am not talking about butterflies and fields filled with flower. But then again I can't exactly describe what that spark is either.

 

I do believe, however that for a relationship to work a good friendship is a mandatory prerequisite.

 

If you get back with her on the logical basis maybe it will work but what is there to stop you from feeling that way again. It may good for a while and then the issue of spark may come back again and that would be unfair to both parties. Think long and hard on why there never was a spark and if you could change that. But as I said before, in my opinion, both are important to have a good relationship.

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Check out this excellent thread entitled "was breaking up with her a huge mistake?"

 

I read the entire post. It seems that it can go both ways. Anonymous82 learned quite quickly after breaking up with her that he had made the right decision, which certainly is not my case. You guys say follow your head, following your heart is too risky.

 

In my case I miss her terribly much. In many ways I just want to be back with so that we can be happy together, and continue our lives and journey together. But my other half says I should wait because maybe I'm making a decision based on emotions and longing, and that's why I want to go back to her. One other thing that I haven't mentioned is that we're both currently studying in different countries, and 1 year of the relationship was long distance (which has definitely put it's dents on our relationship).

 

Are there more people who have been in a situation like this (without the long distance, I think I can handle it if we get back together)? Would greatly appreciate it if you shared your experience. Thanks!

 

Someone once said (can't remember who) "Smart people learn from their own mistakes. Wise people learn from other people's mistakes".

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The spark your on about is just infatuation. Butterflies, excitement, lust, anxiety.. thats just the early stages of any new relationship which always fades with time. Theres a big difference between infatuation and real love. Your lover should be your best friend, someone safe that you trust completely, someone whos there no matter what..

 

sounds to me like you just threw away the best thing you could ever hope to have unless there were issues there that you forgot to mention.

 

Its v hard to find someone who ticks all the boxes.. strong emotional connection, affection, intimacy, good sex life, trust, someone who wants the same future, someone you can confide in or lean on through tough times etc, common interests..

 

if you had all that with her then you may never find it again... and most people would trade all the butterflies in the world for that..

 

theres no such thing as s "spark". It was made up by the media to confuse the living daylights outa everyone in love

 

if you suffer from the grass is greener syndrome then let me tell you its usually not...

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