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Mixed feelings about guy friend


lyoung92

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I have been close friends with a guy for over a year now. Last year, he was very friendly towards me and wanted to hang out excessively to the point of it being almost possessive (I don't know if he liked me as more than friends or not). He also dated this girl for a couple of months but then broke up with her. This year, we have been hanging out a lot as well, but he has started coming round to mine and sleeping in my bed at night (This has happened 3 times) and he would be very intimate and affectionate/cuddley. We never talked about this, but it just happened several times. I also started to develop feelings for him, which started a little before he would sleep in my bed, but this made them stronger. However, he told me that he wanted to get back with the girl he dated last year. At first, I thought he said this to make me jealous, but now it seems they have been spending a lot of time together. Last week, the two of went away for a 2 day trip, but he was acting quite distant with me and it didn't feel like our normal friendship. On the way back, we were in a car accident where we were almost killed, but were very lucky in the end. Afterwards, I was frustrated at how he was trying to continue as normal and pretend nothing had happened. He slept in my room for a couple of nights after this, but he insisted on sleeping on the floor with a sleeping bag rather than in the bed with me. I then sent him a message saying that I thought it would be better if we didn't see each other for a while because I was getting confused about my feelings for him, and he said that he was sorry and if that is what I want, then he will abide by it. Now I miss him a lot and can't stand the fact that I have lost a friend that I would normally see every day, and I am also very frustrated at the thought of him dating the other girl again. Not really sure what to do next.

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Yes, I think it's best you give that distance. I wonder if he's just been 'hanging' with you- but has turned back to the other gal. Either way, you two haven't been totally involved, have you?

 

I think you shld only look at him as a 'friend' and not cross that line anymore. Sounds like that's in a way how he's been seeing you. Kind of like a buddy.. a shoulder to lean on? Which is okay- as long as it stays that way.

 

Best not get things all screwed up with emotions. He is with her again now. So, look the other way.

IF you can't that's b'cause the feelings you've already had for him... in that case, give a little while to work on distancing yourself for the better.

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Unfortunately you've ended up in that friend zone area where they like that you're attractive, they like that you're attracted to them, but they don't like you enough to want to cross the line from friend to boyfriend/girlfriend. It's a really frustrating place to be one and it's one that usually stems to some degree from the unattainable one being a bit of an attention hound who likes that someone is pining for them secretly. In other words, these people aren't really friends and they can do alot of damage with their "I like you, I'll ask certain things of you a boyfriend/girlfriend would, but then when you ask for more I'll whip out the we're just friends card so fast it'll put an eye out" come here-go away mentality. And the second they feel "safe" enough around you to talk about another boy or girl it's time to bail if you have feelings for them, because that is a clear sign that they do not see you in the same light.

 

I know it hurts and yes it hurts to lose a friend. But the truth is if you want to hold on to a friendship then never let them do boyfriend/girlfriend things with you like sleep in your bed unless you have zero expectations of it ever going beyond a bit of FWB. In this case you're doing the righ thing by going NC and just moving on. He's chosen the other girl in spite of chances he could have had with you, so take it as a clear sign it was never meant to be and find other friends to hang out with. And a guy who won't want you in the friend zone at all.

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