My partner is in serious debt

[sunshine68]

My bf to whom I live with is in serious debt with the revenue agency. he owes close to $250,000

he is older, in his 50"s

he probably will need to claim bankrupt.

my question is if I came into a lot of money do I pay off his debt. this scares the crap out of me because of the what ifs...

 

this also puts a lot of financial stress on me.

 

any ideas...

[pl3asehelp]

I would certainly not pay his debts under any circumstances.

[SooSad33]

Why do YOU need to pay off HIS debts? You're not married- how long have you two been involved?

[faraday]

No.

 

I was in a similar situation...my ex owed $150,000....the equity in my home is slightly more than that. We were talking about getting married and starting a family...but there's no way I would EVER pay off someone's debt. What is he learning from that? Don't marry him or live him...wait until he gets his finances sorted....he's impulsive...don't let him take you down with him.

[MyNinja]

Why would you pay off his debt?? Relationship or not that is HIS responsibility. My sister had been in a situation where she had debt to pay off from carelessness in her spending. When she got married she wanted to then straighten everything out financially to start "fresh" she asked me to consign for her.....HELL NO!! I love her, but that would have messed up my credit instantaneously and I have no debt. You shouldn't have to feel the burden to help him pay it off. Don't mess up your finances to help correct his otherwise you'll both be screwed

[NorthDallas40]

I have a significant amount of credit card debt (nowhere near $250K though!) that I've been paying off very steadily over the past year, and I'm very cognizant that it could be an issue with my next LTR.

 

But there's NO WAY I would make my partner responsible for it, and I'd gladly sign a pre-nuptial agreement to that effect.

 

DO NOT take on his debt under any circumstances. It's HIS mess... so HE needs to fix it, not you.

[ParisPaulette]

He's just a boyfriend, you have zero financial obligations to settle his debt unless a) you're married or b) you own joint financial accounts together--i.e. a shared bank account or credit card. Make sure to keep your finances separate and don't make it a habit of bailing him out. And if you think he'll use you to get to that money end things now before it happens.

[savignon]

What do you mean by "if you came into some money?" Are you anticipating coming into $250k or is this more of a "what if" question?

I would urge you not to ever consider mixing business with pleasure in that respect....under any circumstances-friend, boyfriend--whatever.

[shellyf62]

I was dating a guy once and came to realise he never seemed to have much money to spend. After a weekend away where I pretty well paid for everything I asked him to come clean.

He had been a house husband for most of his married life, then unemployed for a year and had actually only been working for a year. He was 42.

He owed his Mother a lot of money, didn't have car insurance & had an accident so owed $5000 to the owner of the car he hit, and his income was not going to cover any of it.

His reason for dating was to find a financial lady to help him pay these debts off. I declined and broke up with him on the spot. It took me a long time to get myself into a good financial position after my divorce, and I am never going backwards every again.

Get some legal advice about protecting your assets if you decide to stay with this man, as if you marry they could be deemed as joint assets.

[IAmFCA]

If you came into allot of money, you could buy yourself somewhere to live, in your name ONLY. Not because you need to dump him, you don't. Buy you DO need to protect your financial health, and he can't do this for you. He could then live in your house, if you so choose. (Unless this is already the case? In which case, you pay off your mortgage, or put up money for your retirement savings).

[octour]

It's sooooooooooooo much easier to spend a lot of money than it is to earn it. Get the crazy idea out of your head this instant. The only help you should give him, if at all, are ideas for him to EARN money and moral support. Other than that, do not commingle your finances in any way. What you're thinking about doing is a recipe for disaster, FOR YOU. Don't do it, don't do it, don't do it. Oh yeah, don't do it.

[rmoheban]

My relationship advice to you is you aren’t married to your boyfriend yet and it is not your responsibility to take care of his debts. It’s important to keep your finances separate at this point in time. You also don’t want to pay off his debt and have resentment creep into the relationship. I’m not sure how solid your relationship is or how long you have been together but try to find out why he is in such deep debt. If you want to develop a healthy relationship keep the communication lines open, be supportive, and make sure these financial issues aren’t part of a bigger problem.