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Advice needed.. long story


cupcakegirl9

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Ok so I need some advice on what to do with this guy.

 

We had been acquaintances for probably two years, we had mutual friends and were friends on Facebook and I'd sometimes see him out and say hi and we'd talk but there was never any flirting. We didn't have each other's numbers and we didn't hang out. In January of this year I posted a status asking if anyone wanted to go and see a movie with me as my boyfriend (who is now my ex) refused to go and see this particular film. This boy, we'll call him Robert, responded to my Facebook status saying he'd go with me. Incidentally, my best friend ended up coming too and we had a pretty good night and myself & Robert exchanged numbers.

 

After that, Robert and I would text every day and we found we had a lot in common and liked some of the same bands etc. My relationship with my boyfriend at the time was okay-ish, we had been together for 2 years however he had broken up with me 3 times but always changed his mind the next day. So I never really felt truly secure with him and I was always worried he was going to break up with me again.

 

Anyway I'm sure you can see where this is all going, after a few months of texting all day every day and hanging out, Robert confessed he was in love with me. I had feelings for him but because of my boyfriend I was scared and confused and didn't know what to do. Myself and Robert kissed a few times over the summer and I drifted further and further from my boyfriend.

 

In September, Robert moved away for University and before he left I asked him if he wanted us to be together. He said yes and I said I wanted to end things with my boyfriend and move to the same town that Robert was going to for Uni (this town is actually where all of my family live so I had another reason for wanting to move).

 

About a week after moving, Robert said coming to Uni had made him think differently about me and that he was no longer in love with me and had moved on. I was understandably upset and tried to get him to talk to me about it but he refused. I decided that Robert had been bad news from the start and that I wanted to stay with my boyfriend and work on our relationship. I then found out a few days later that Robert had met another girl at University and they had been kissing and having sex, I was distraught and angry that Robert hadn't been honest with me and I told him to never speak to me again and that I hated him.

 

A month later, things with my boyfriend broke down and we split up; this time for good.

 

2 weeks after that and about 6 weeks after I told Robert never to talk to me again, he sends me a text saying he is still in love with me, that he misses me and wants to be with me. We began texting again and I felt something for him although not as strongly as before and I was confused and worried.

 

Robert and I met up on Tuesday of this week and ended up kissing a little bit and cuddling in bed but that was all. He told me that being with the girl at his University made him realise that he wasn't over me and that he truly loved me and only wanted to be with me. I spent a lot of time feeling upset and angry about this girl, so when he said this to me I burst out crying and said I needed some time to think and that I wanted to go to sleep so he left my house.

 

We have spoken since and he has said he wants to give us a proper go and to work things out and he doesn't mind how long it takes or how much effort he has to put in, it will be worth it to be with me.

 

I honestly don't know what I think or what to do. In the summer, I felt like I loved him but now I feel sad and also angry at him for being with another woman at Uni when he was telling me a few days before that he loved me. I know I will always be worried and jealous of this girl and it will be hard to be with him, knowing they are still friends. I feel like he had his chance and we could have made things work but I had 6 weeks to get over him and I was nearly there and now he's come back into my life and I don't know what to do. I do have some feelings for him, but right now I just feel so mad and let down.

 

Help me

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I can only tell you what I would do. I wouldn't take him back. The way he went about things (just a week after moving saying he didn't love you, wouldn't talk about it, slept with someone else on top of that) would make me lose all my trust in him. The fact that he's still friends with that girl makes things even worse. You deserve better.

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Well....a guy who will cheat with you will also cheat on you.

 

You really shouldn't be surprised with his behavior and should correctly expect more of the same. In your shoes I would put this entire mess behind me and try to do better, be better in the future, including a clean slate relationship with someone else. And....ummm....don't cheat on the next one, ok? If things are not happy, just walk away clean.

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University life is different than HS. The only reason he is back is that new gf didn't work out.

Take some time to be alone instead of ping ponging around from one guy to another. You were bored with your old bf, hooked up with Robert, dumped old bf, hung out with Robert and.planned to move to be near him. He left... and now is back.

 

I don't see anything of note to pursue. What if his old gf sees you and decides she wants him back? Bye bye you.

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I think you need to work on your own integrity before you try and figure out what to do with Robert or anyone else. That is my advice. Don't worry about Robert, worry about yourself and you have yet to learn respect, both to yourself and others.

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Well....a guy who will cheat with you will also cheat on you.

 

You really shouldn't be surprised with his behavior and should correctly expect more of the same. In your shoes I would put this entire mess behind me and try to do better, be better in the future, including a clean slate relationship with someone else. And....ummm....don't cheat on the next one, ok? If things are not happy, just walk away clean.

 

Not entirely true. I know of a few relationships that started out from infidelity and ended up happy and secure.

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YOU, are very confused. This is like a 3 -way. I feel you need to take some time away from ALL guys for now and deal with yourself. Your losses, your emotions.. your pains.

You've had involvement with your ex over & over.. then onto Robert..then back to ex. This is like rebound type behavior. It's not good. You are only going to confuse & ruin yourself in many ways in the end.

You do not want/need this over men.

 

So back off both. No more contact with the ex. He IS history (breaking up over & over..)

Back off Robert, he's mistreated you so quickly already, which has affected your trust with him. Also, I dont believe that is 'love', in any means- just 'lust'. He'll get over it. Now you should take some SERIOUS down time.

 

You need to work on your loss of your relationship with ex and deal with your emotions. You can't 'give' into anything really, when you're this messed up.

You will feel empty, confused, pain, denial etc. This is good and this is needed in order for you to accept & deal with these losses & break ups.

It's affecting you in so many ways now..emotionally/mentally. See where I'm going? Could I be right?

 

Work on yourself for a few months, get yourself grounded again and 'happy' about yourself and your life.

 

tc

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I haven't had contact with my ex boyfriend since we broke up and I don't plan on contacting him. I'm relieved it is over as the whole relationship was a mess and I wasn't happy.

 

I didn't cheat on my ex, I only kissed Robert twice, both times after my ex had broken up with me (he did this a total of 4 times over the course of our relationship). Although I will admit I did have feelings for Robert, I never acted on these whilst I was in a relationship with my ex.

 

I do feel pressured into being with Robert again and feel like I cant trust him. I think I need to be alone. Thanks all for the advice.

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