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Practical tips for leaving baggage at the door in a new relationship?


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Ok, let me get this straight.


Are you concerned because the condoms are still there?

In other words: He didn't use it!!


Why are you concerned because he didn't use it?

its just me? I really don't get it.

I was thinking the exact same thing, I would be more concerned if they were gone actually...

this type of thinking is very destructive, but you can change it, just takes time and effort, try turning each negative thought into a positive one, keep doing that, eventually the bad thoughts will become less...

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Don't worry about!

This example might help you..

I went out with my bf 2 weeks ago, and when we were hugging, I open the zipper of his leather jacket just to play around and found a condom. (I've known him for only 3 months) it was the first time I saw his wearing that jacket, so I assumed he kept it in the pocket for a long time, since it's the beginning of winter and the jacket was probably locked inside his closet for a year. He left the condom at the table's bar, and we were laughing. No big deal.

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Unfortunately there is no magic formula that can change a pattern of thinking. It's not like you can just do a couple of exercises and "boom" negative thoughts are gone. The problem is that bad experiences are generally more memorable and we are generally more eager to avoid them and so we carry them through and allow them to negatively impact the good experiences.


I think the only real way to combat this type of thinking is for you to really examine these thoughts when they pop into your head. Using the condom example, ask yourself: Why does this bother me? What do I think this means? Why do I think that? Is it because of a past experience? Does he deserve to have that projected onto him? I know it seems silly, but by asking yourself that in your head hopefully you can manage to decide what is fear talking and what might be a genuine concern.

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If you are 'insecure' from your past relationships and it's spilling into this one.. then maybe YOU have some things to deal with? Not good to 'question or assume' something already, that might not be there.


Simple enough- do you trust him? Doesn't sound much like there is...Therfore, how can you deal with this?

Or- can you?


Can it be dealt with? Or is it going to be the end?

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