Practical tips for leaving baggage at the door in a new relationship?

[oitnb]

I'm looking for real tips / advice I can try to do and apply to my daily life.

 

My boyfriend is lovely, goofy, keeps me laughing, all of that. The same great guy he was when we were just friends.

 

But I can feel myself being paranoid that's it's all just a facade. That he's going to end up being some serial cheater, mean or something like that. I of course don't speak on this or anything because I know I'm being hysterical and he doesn't deserve to hear my pointless freak-outs, but it's no fun thinking this way.

 

Here's an example : when we first reconnected, about three months ago, he asked me to grab something from his glovebox and there was two condoms there. I didn't care, because at the time we hadn't moved past the friends level yet. I did tease him about it though, just my personality, I'm a ball-buster, and he said "they're in case of emergency condoms and if my boys ever need one and don't have one." Today I wanted to smoke and forgot my lighter. He told me he had one in his glovebox for me incase I ever needed one, (again, how thoughtful! He doesn't even smoke but did that with just me in mind. Even tho I wanna quit lol)

 

And the condoms were there. My now irrational - girlfriend brain started freaking out. I know I'm being insane. I know lots of guys keep condoms with them just out of habit.

 

It's just... Irritating. I hate it. Tips? Before I drive myself crazy?! Thanks all!

[mhowe]

Why was he supposed to remove them? I don't even know what you are concerned about?

What if he was at your house and you were ready --- and realized you were out of condoms. He has but to run down to the glove box.

 

Stop thinking that all men are built/react the same way. Would you want to be judged by what his previous gf did or did not do?

[Angler]

You should be more concerned by your own smoking habit than his level of preparedness.

[Angler]

At least there were the same number of condoms there

[Edmund Exley]

There's really no tips anyone can give you. It comes down to you learning to control your thoughts, fears and emotions.

[Angler]

Stop thinking that all men are built/react the same way. Would you want to be judged by what his previous gf did or did not do?

Yup.

 

My last two exes cheated.

 

While my own experience could lead me to believe that all women cheat, I understand that 2 women out of ~3.5 billion is statistically meaningless, and it would be beyond ridiculous to draw any sort of conclusions, or to predict the future behaviour of somebody else by this "pattern".

[mhowe]

Two out of 4 long term relationships ended for me due to cheating on their part (#1 and #3) ---- didn't stop me from trusting #2 --- and #4 (and our finalist!!)

[oitnb]

Why was he supposed to remove them? I don't even know what you are concerned about?

What if he was at your house and you were ready --- and realized you were out of condoms. He has but to run down to the glove box.

 

Stop thinking that all men are built/react the same way. Would you want to be judged by what his previous gf did or did not do?

 

Mhowe, I know all of this. I know I'm being cray cray. I'm asking for advice on how to stop these thoughts

[oitnb]

At least there were the same number of condoms there

 

Haha! True!

[mhowe]

Mhowe, I know all of this. I know I'm being cray cray. I'm asking for advice on how to stop these thoughts

 

Not to keep saying the obvious -- but by stopping thinking them. When it pops into your head --- acknowledge that it is a useless, unnecessary and

anxiety producing thought.

 

Thought blocking isn't magic. It is just not reacting to every thought that pops into your head.

 

Counter it with --- he is not "X". He treats me well. This is a stupid thought.

[DancingFool]

Sounds like the important message you are missing in this whole equation is that he is teaching his sons to be responsible and trying to make sure that he doesn't end up with one who is a baby daddy. Take that as a good thing. Life isn't always just about you and most men have better things on their mind than finding ways to cheat on you.

[journeynow]

And the condoms were there. My now irrational - girlfriend brain started freaking out. I know I'm being insane. I know lots of guys keep condoms with them just out of habit.

 

It's the story you attach to the condoms that is freaking you out. You can change the story with practice or the image that pops into your imagination. Make the image a positive one about you. However, I'm not sure I would recommend using those particular condoms. Don't gloveboxes get pretty hot when the car sits in the sun, and condoms break down when stored near heat? Over time, those condoms might lose their effectiveness.

 

EDIT: I found my answer.

 

link removed

 

Tell him those condoms should probably be tossed for everyone's benefit.

[Edmund Exley]

It's the story you attach to the condoms that is freaking you out. You can change the story with practice or the image that pops into your imagination. Make the image a positive one about you. However, I'm not sure I would recommend using those particular condoms. Don't gloveboxes get pretty hot when the car sits in the sun, and condoms break down when stored near heat? Over time, those condoms might lose their effectiveness.

 

EDIT: I found my answer.

 

link removed

 

Tell him those condoms should probably be tossed for everyone's benefit.

 

Exactly. When you should simply be seeing condoms and thinking "condoms used for birth control", you are actually thinking "condom's used to cheat on me"

 

As mhowe stated, you have to learn to control your thoughts by removing them immediately when they occur.

[oitnb]

Sounds like the important message you are missing in this whole equation is that he is teaching his sons to be responsible and trying to make sure that he doesn't end up with one who is a baby daddy. Take that as a good thing. Life isn't always just about you and most men have better things on their mind than finding ways to cheat on you.

 

He doesn't have any children? ...

[oitnb]

Exactly. When you should simply be seeing condoms and thinking "condoms used for birth control", you are actually thinking "condom's used to cheat on me"

 

As mhowe stated, you have to learn to control your thoughts by removing them immediately when they occur.

 

I'm going to try. My very best. I like the idea of immediately thinking of something positive instead.

[Angler]

He doesn't have any children? ...

 

I think "boys" was misinterpreted as sons, when it meant buddies.

[journeynow]

He doesn't have any children? ...

 

Ah, his boys are not HIS boys..." he said 'they're in case of emergency condoms and if my boys ever need one and don't have one.'"

[mhowe]

It think boys was not sons, and not buddies...but sperm. Just sayin'.

[oitnb]

Ah, his boys are not HIS boys..." he said 'they're in case of emergency condoms and if my boys ever need one and don't have one.'"

 

yeahhh, he meant his friends when he said "boys". Guy-language lol.

[journeynow]

I'm going to try. My very best. I like the idea of immediately thinking of something positive instead.

 

Good. It's a simple idea, and although not always easy to retrain yourself, it is well worth it. Google Thought-Stopping and Thought-Switching for some ideas to help.

[Edmund Exley]

I'm going to try. My very best. I like the idea of immediately thinking of something positive instead.

 

It takes more than just thinking something positive. It also takes being able to fully trust your partner and know he wont hurt you. That's the real problem you are dealing with.

[Dcgent]

Are there any other reasons to believe he might be cheating on you?

[Me82]

Ok, let me get this straight.

 

Are you concerned because the condoms are still there?

In other words: He didn't use it!!

 

Why are you concerned because he didn't use it?

its just me? I really don't get it.

[oitnb]

Are there any other reasons to believe he might be cheating on you?

 

No. I honestly know he's not, I just have a lot of insecurity issues from past relationships.

[oitnb]

Ok, let me get this straight.

 

Are you concerned because the condoms are still there?

In other words: He didn't use it!!

 

Why are you concerned because he didn't use it?

its just me? I really don't get it.

 

That's it. It doesn't make sense I know lol. I guess I'm concerned because they're in his car as opposed to in his wallet or something? Who knows. It's all me being paranoid anyways.