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This is how I feel today :(


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I want to hate you. Sometimes I do. Sometimes I feel like I hate you but I never say it because I know it’s not right to hate someone and I don’t want God to know that, but he knows. Do I really hate you? I don’t know. The way I feel…I don’t know how to explain it and I’m just tired of feeling this way. Julius. I hate seeing your name. I hate to even say your name. Your name is something that disgusts me, that hurts me to even say, hear, write or mention. I hate it. I hate you. You did me so bad and sometimes I find myself still having feelings for you and thinking about you all the time. Why should I have feelings for or think about someone constantly who did to me what you did to me? I beat myself up for that. I don’t want to have feelings for or thoughts of you. I want to be rid of you. I’m rid of you physically because I don’t see you anymore or hear from you anymore, but I’m not rid of you in my head or my heart. I hate that. I hate holding on to it, what you did to me and having side thoughts of you may be reaching out to me. I know it’s stupid of me to think these kinds of things. I disgust myself even thinking these things. Am I really that low? Do I really think that less of myself to the point where I’d still think about being with you? It’s embarrassing and disgusting to think about because I know my parents would be ashamed of the things I did after the fact and disappointed and would ask why I did that and went so low, my friends…they would ask why and I would be so ashamed. I am so ashamed now of myself. I hate the way I feel. I hate the way that you make me feel. I hate the way I make myself feel.

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ugh, right?

 

i gave him all of my heart even though i know he didnt deserve it. hoped he would change. he didnt, but it by then it was too late, i stayed way too long and then he changed me. now its a huge mess in my head. love isnt supposed to make me so sad.

 

i would give you a big hug, friend.

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I understand you and those mixed feelings & frustrations... keep letting it out.

Do remember though, even if it's in anger today, you're still giving energy to the 'broken relation' and to his way.

Tomorrow it may be sadness.. again, it's draining you.

 

Keep working on these emotions.. and of letting go, it is painful with the way we got treated and the aftermath.

It all takes time as well though, to recover and be able to move on again.

 

It will ease of, over time. Keep going and it'll improve, slowly.

All the best. You're better off without him.. right? YES, you probably are.

So don't kick yourself about it.. we all have to learn from our 'experiences' in life.. although is VERY hard sometimes.

 

One day at a time...all we can do.

tc

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Oh dear, chin up sweetie. Remember, storms don't last forever. You will get through this, it's just gonna take time and I'm not gonna lie, along the way it will really hurt you but you've gotta keep going and don't look back because you're better than that.

 

I thought I hated my ex, everything you're going through right now I went through. Hearing her name would cause me pain, huge amounts of pain. But I got through it and here I am!

 

Keep smiling and karma will get him, you can be sure of that.

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Hey don’t worry what you’re feeling is completely normal. I went through the “hate him” phase myself..hell, I even wanted to hurt him physically LOL but then you get over it as the days progress. Your strong just know that. Then one day you wont even care about him. Its funny cuz right now if I was to see him I would be ok to catch up and have good convo but I know I NEED to give him cold shoulder. But I really could just chop it up with him like nothing. Its my pride thing that makes me imagine giving cold shoulder. Lol You’ll be good. Next time just guard your heart and always follow head. Good luck! (((hugs)))

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