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I'm nearly 8 months post breakup and there are a bunch of things I want to do and I have my mind set on doing, this post really has nothing to do with the breakup in itself.

 

I still find myself missing my ex, wanting to get back with her, but I dismiss the thought as fast as I can when I find myself thinking about these things, it's all a fantasy.

 

There are many things I'm wanting / trying to accomplish to become the man I want to be but I just don't find the time to do it all, I'm working as hard as I can at it though. I tell myself one day at a time and I do see results (not physically because gym is sort of on the back burner lol, I have the least time for that), I am more self aware, I am becoming the wholesome amazing self I once was if not better.

 

But some days I just find myself lacking motivation, I feel tired during the day (people make fun of me because I sleep early and wake up early maybe this has something to do with it, or maybe its my diet even though it's pretty healthy no junk food).

 

I find myself pinning my lack of progress / slow progress in achieving my priorities on attending university (this isn't something new, my parents and my brother have struggled their whole lives with me and studies, it all comes naturally and too easy to me and I feel like it holds me back. My brother thinks university is a waste of time for me but since I have no better option right now to stick it through) though I do see some value in it (because companies want you to have degrees) so it is in my list of things to accomplish, it just feels like I lose so many hours for what it offers me in personal & career growth.

 

However disciplined I am when it comes to reaching my personal objectives, goals and missions, I can't help but get distracted lately. I see couples out on the streets and think "I miss being in a relationship with someone special" (maybe because I've only had one girlfriend so it's that much more "special"), though I promised myself I wouldn't even consider getting into a relationship until I've become the man I want to be and until I'm 100% over my ex. I see women checking me out (I was blown away on the train today, I had an intense connection with a woman I met), I feel the urge to talk to them during the day and flirt but I know how emotionally unavailable I am right now so I don't, or I try to avoid it (this applies mostly to day time, clubs are a different story, all rules are off there).

 

What I'm looking for I suppose is advice on how to get rid of my daily exhaustion, fluctuations in my drive / motivation and frustration in the slow progress (there is undeniable progress though), the yearning for a relationship. I do not want to be distracted from my mission.

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Hey man......

 

It almost seems like you're looking at this like some military deployment...your "mission" you keep referring to.....

 

This is life, there really is no mission........except be good to one another!

 

Just be yourself......say "Hi" to people....smile....there is no formula here.

 

What eventually happens, is you just learn how to be yourself...happy and on your own, no mission exists anymore except the one to simply live!!

 

One day, you'll be cruising down the street and say hello to a girl, you might not even really notice how awesome she is right away, but the "you" that is comfortable in his own skin, will exude a confidence and a vibe that will let girls know "Hey! I'm cool, confident and maybe available"

 

I'm a huge believer that when we really look and try to find..... we never do...

 

When we stop looking, and start simply living....the world comes to us on our terms!

 

Good luck man.....

 

This message will self destruct in 5 seconds......

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Don't overanalyze so much and start living life. Eliminate excuses. It sounds like you are basing too many of your decisions on needing to be in a relationship, or that your focus is a relationship, whether it is day dreaming about an old relationship, or wanting to be in a new one. Live in the moment more. Stay in school and finish. It sounds like you are lacking a sense of accomplishment and have trouble being motivated enough to do the hard work. Well sometimes you just have to pump yourself up and get something down, no matter how much it feels uncomfortable or frustrating. Don't let life pass you by. Reflect on the past but don't live in it. Set some goals that YOU control...not that depends on being with someone. Being independent will not only free your mind, but also make you more attractive to the right woman. Good Luck.

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It almost seems like you're looking at this like some military deployment...your "mission" you keep referring to.....

 

Not to be confused I'm using mission by this definition: "an important goal or purpose that is accompanied by strong conviction; a calling or vocation"

 

these are all things that are very important to me, it's a part of me doing things that I enjoy and love doing, it's a part of me living life. It's not some self-imposed torture assignment lol.

 

I will recognize that I have had an obsession though with "bettering myself" and "pushing myself" (in all the things I love) for the last 4 or 5 years maybe, I don't see it as a bad thing though, just trying to be the best me I can be (I enjoy everything I do though).

 

What eventually happens, is you just learn how to be yourself...happy and on your own, no mission exists anymore except the one to simply live!!

 

One day, you'll be cruising down the street and say hello to a girl, you might not even really notice how awesome she is right away, but the "you" that is comfortable in his own skin, will exude a confidence and a vibe that will let girls know "Hey! I'm cool, confident and maybe available"

 

Definitely what I expect to happen unexpectedly (if that makes sense) and I know it will happen eventually. I'm not the least worried about that, it's just the yearning for a relationship really, which maybe is normal / isn't I don't know.

 

Don't overanalyze so much and start living life. Eliminate excuses. It sounds like you are basing too many of your decisions on needing to be in a relationship, or that your focus is a relationship, whether it is day dreaming about an old relationship, or wanting to be in a new one.

 

Yeah it's the yearning for one, I'm looking for advice how to overcome that.

 

Stay in school and finish. It sounds like you are lacking a sense of accomplishment and have trouble being motivated enough to do the hard work.

 

If it's coming off that way it's possible I am lacking it, though I'd say I believe the opposite. Uni is the one that is bothering me (which I mentioned in the original post), that's where "hard work" needs to be placed and that hard work is overcoming the lack of motivation because the material is just .... *sigh* .... I study a fraction of the time most students do... there are alumni that take notes for me so I can just xerox and then teach it to them. It still however consumes time that I can be focusing in other aspects of my life which I value more.

 

Set some goals that YOU control...not that depends on being with someone. Being independent will not only free your mind, but also make you more attractive to the right woman. Good Luck.

 

They're definitely all goals I have set and that I control, no one has imposed any of it on me.

 

And thank you to you both more advice on overcoming fluctuations of motivation, the yearning for a relationship and overcoming my exhaustion would be much appreciated.

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It sounds like you are very bright and school is easy for you. It also sounds like you have this idea in your head that it should be hard, should involve more work and you are kind of trying to make it so, but it's not working and you are feeling bored and lost.

 

You are not alone when it comes to being bright and a bit bored with classes. Instead of getting bogged down in your perceived "I need to work.", enjoy the benefits and the freedom that your brain gives. Embrace who you are and use it to your advantage.

 

I was like that in college myself in that I did not need to study. I had a lot of friends who were like that as well. So we did other things - asides from parties and socializing, we organized a lot of community events, one of them became a huge yearly tradition where we started out with just a couple of hundred people and next year we had over a thousand in attendance. Imagine how that looks on your resume or when talking to recruiters? You know x,y,x event? Yes! Well I am one of the founders. You are hired and how much can we pay you....eh...here is a blank check, please write in whatever you wish. Not really exaggerating either. The thing is that we didn't even think about that, we were just bored and thought it would be kind of a fun thing to organize and do some good, but mostly it would be fun for us.

 

My point is, don't get bogged down in depressing things and gray stupid work. Socialize, join some clubs, reach beyond yourself and do something positive for others. Enjoy the fact that you don't need to work at studying and use the time it frees up to accomplish something that gives you satisfaction at the end of the day. Also, don't be blind and shut off to opportunities that come your way.

 

As the other poster was trying to point. Don't focus on some vague future point in time when things will magically be right - that never happens. Live in the present. So if a pretty cute girl smiles at you, you smile back and say hello to her. That's how friendships and relationships start. It's how you will never find yourself feeling alone and desperate and obsessing over being alone. You have to not only reach out and seek things out, but also pick up opportunities thrown your way.

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Ohhh I'm guilty with the junk food. you're doing better than me, there.

 

It takes time to get over a loss... things will pop up again.. rehash themselves, which'll bring us down again. I'm 7 months in, myself. It's still very much there.

You can end up 'tired' and unmotivated, due to stress or anxiety. I'm having it too. Do your best to work it out.. or talk to dr about something to 'help' with this problem?

 

You have to work into these changes in your life gradually. It's been difficult so you can't expect to have everything turn out alright in a month.

Don't be frustrated because it's not all working out for you... take your time with the changes and accepting them.

 

Good for you to know better than to rush into something new when you're not over your last loss, yet.

It's okay to lean on some friends though. Have you got a few decent friends you can do this with? always best, than to head into something you can't handle emotionally at this time...

 

All in all.. just keep going on your progress. The main mission is to work on YOUR happiness. Dont expect a woman to 'give that to you'. YOU are the one who has to be able to 'feel that' being on your own. Dont think you're all there yet.

So just carry on.. some days will be rough.. we know it.

you're doing well.

 

tc

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This is somewhat similar to my situation. I'm nearly 9 months post breakup. I also have and set goals for myself.

Yes I do find myself missing my ex at times. I used to miss her like crazy!(since I'm the one that ruined our relationship)

I've been there. Few months back, I found myself lacking with patience and motivation but I never gave up. People(haters, downers, etc) will come and go. All you have to do is ignore and keep going. I understand it's easier said than done. It will pay off! My priority right now is school. The past 2 years I cheated on myself with studies. I let people down. I dropped classes here and there, don't go to class, and the most important was I wasted my parents money. To be honest, my focus that time was my ex. I know..I won't regret since I knew I chose it that way. Things change. People change. I know it's not too late to change and switch things around. I've been doing good with school. I'm really happy about it. I'm majoring in Kinesiology. I love fitness and health. I'm competing in a bodybuilding Men's Physique category next year and I'm excited and can't wait! On the other side, I also have that feeling "yearning for a relationship" everytime I see couples. I don't know if this funny or not but all my homies/boys 2 of them just got back with their ex's. We all started brokenhearted and we motivated each other each and every day to just keep going. By the end of the day, it's all about YOU. Right now, deep inside I know I'm ready to start dating again and be out there but at the same time I'm scared because I also still have feelings for my ex. I don't want to hurt anyone really. That's why I'm being patient(one of the the things I messed up with my ex and myself) because I know the right girl will come along. It's hard at first but after everything we've all been through, it will just hit you one day and change things around. Maybe it won't be in a fast phase but just go with the flow. I know this not much help but I hope it did in a way!

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DancingFool, thanks lots of solid advice!

 

 

 

I do some community work already too it's a non profit organization that crowdfunds existing charities through athletes that receive donations for completing an event (a marathon, triathlon, iron man, etc). I soon may branch off because I'm not content with their work ethics / seriousness and create my own NGO or an affiliate of this existing one but exams and other projects do eat up time.

 

 

 

That's true but I figure if I set some objectives, the future me will be in much better shape + have more opportunities. Though I end up in a vicious cycle of "oh look I finished X,Y,Z" then set myself up another set of goals. In my house if you're not doing something constructive (working on yourself, improving your abilities, making money, etc) you're seen as lazy and are frowned upon (I started programming at the age of 8 and working freelance here and there at the age of 13, my brother and I have spoiled our parents)

 

 

 

That's the thing though, internal conflict, I don't want to miss an opportunity but I don't want to hurt someone else because I'm still "emotionally unavailable". Though it's possible I'm at the point that the final bit of pinning / thinking about the ex will only go away when I find someone else.

 

I'm now also saving up to buy a beach house so I can enjoy the present just a little more and I will be moving out as soon as my brother comes from the US, getting away from the parents and pressure will help a bit I think with the present situation.

 

 

lol, well I do have popsicles and chocolate + crackers as desert, but that's as far as I go

 

 

 

I am on anti-depressants but I'm weaning them off, every 3 weeks I take 1 pill less, I'm down to week 2 of taking it 4 days a week. So I have about 3 - 4 months more until I'm completely off of them.

 

 

 

Yep, as a matter of fact all my friend's gfs left them when my ex left me, the girls "lost hope" (and they weren't even friends) according to them because if she and I couldn't make it what chance did they have? lol (excuses, funny how they pin it on me and my ex though) one friend refuses to talk about his emotions, the other though we text / call each other pretty often. at first it was to talk about the ex's (the first ~4-5 months) now we just talk about random stuff, new prospects, opportunities for work, new activities, and sometimes about how down we felt on a given day. if anything we were good friends before and now it's just strengthened it more, though sometimes I think, maybe we're tricking ourselves and looking to substitute the SO with a really close friend.

 

 

 

 

Working on it thanks for chiming in on the thread!

 

 

 

Spot on, I cheated myself too, I dropped out last semester because classes bored me too much and I was totally depressed, the last thing I could do was stay in class. My ex always texted me while I was in class so it was a huge trigger for me not being able to do anything to distract myself. I suffered a lot and still do sometimes in class (not because of the ex, simply because time goes by so slow), it's my kryptonite. I now always just use my phone to text others, use my tablet to surf the web and read articles, and leave class early, it's difficult. It really feels like it stunts my growth.

 

 

 

Awesome keep at it!

 

 

 

when I hear / see that I wish it was me instead of them (cruel on my part lol).

 

 

 

exactly, thanks for taking your time to post your story.

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