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I feel alone and desperate and just hoping for someone to listen..


Zeb

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Hey,

 

I'm just putting this out here for anyone who will listen..

 

This summer I met the most amazing girl of my life, we instantly hit it off we dated, became closer and we got into a relationship..

 

The problem, was that she was only here in Liverpool, UK on a short term placement from a Malaysian university so when September came around she had to leave and this broke my heart...

 

We decided to stay together in a long distance relationship and I have my tickets booked for 2 weeks at the end of January.. the only problem is after that..

 

its has been 8 weeks and the distance is killing me, she works as a singer in a hotel bar and frequently has men propositioning her and inviting her back to their rooms, I trust her completely but I feel utterly powerless to protect her or be there for her..

 

She says she wants to be here with me and find work in the UK, but she is passionate about her career which is hotel management, in a lot of ways I think I come second to her career which also brings me to the point of despair.. she has been offered a hotel management placement in a hotel in Dubai which she says will be for a year and then after that she will go back to Malaysia and try and find work in the UK...

 

I'm just trying everything in my power to help her get to the UK but the visa application process is near impossible.. and whilst I've hinted at getting engaged she isn't as keen as I am..

 

I dont know.. I love her with all my heart and this is the hardest thing in the world.. I dont know how to deal with all the anxiety, emotions and the shear desperation I feel at the moment..

 

...just putting it out there for anyone who'll listen..

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I've hinted at getting engaged she isn't [keen.

 

That's kinda normal; how long were you together previously?

 

Honestly, your (collective) plans just appear to make a relationship between the two of you unworkable. With no end to your separation in site it's very difficult to recommend an LDR. I think you'll both be far happier if you break it off and perhaps pick up again if your paths are able to cross again later.

 

Welcome to ENA.

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You need to make your peace with the fact that

-her work is important for her

-she is from another country, and you knew that from the day 1, so there are literal borders between you and things can get complicated

-you are in a LDR, so you either trust her and don't stress about her job, or you let her be and find someone closer to you

-she seems to have a plan for her life, so if you love her - support her and wait, but don't forget to have a plan too

-she had her career before she met you, and no matter how much in love you are now - she is following her life plan and is happy about it - be happy for her

 

and don't push the engagement thing.

you will see her soon, hold on! good luck!

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you are on two different pages

 

yes it's the same book

 

but

 

her page is life , excitement , career , travelling and you

 

your page is her

 

and it is going to be a long time before you are both on that same page .

 

you know as women we don't need protecting , yes its very nice to have your man stood beside you giving you support , but we can get through life on our own you know , and she managed before you met her ..she will manage again .

 

for you the decision is can you wait ? and we are talking years here

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whoah.. you may being getting yourself into more than you can handle.. Obviously, the woman is not going to drop her life for you (which she shouldn't).. She had all this going before you appeared in the picture.. I think you agreed to something that seems not doable.. You all are like worlds away.. The question you need to ask yourself is if you can wait for her, which (like others have mentioned) could be a long time..

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That's what it is... your 'desperation'. To already mention 'engagement'? Whoaaa... ease off.

YOU need some stability in your life. I understand the emotions going on..fears etc, since she is so far away, but you also can't lose yourself in this.

 

Your dilemma sounds quite challenging. Not sure if you can handle these complications? Distance.. travelling etc.

You can just do your best... to keep at it, if you can.. but I hope it doesn't totally ruin you in the end.. you sound majorly stressed right now. Should you be?

 

I think you shld calm yourself down.. take it with stride. Do NOT act out this way with this 'marriage' idea. WHY rush it? It will NOT work out that way.

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Zeb --- do you have a job, a home?

 

She was an entertainer before she met you --- I don't think she needs you to guard the door at the hotel.

 

She has a life plan --- do you?

And as SS pointed out --- her priorities are much different than yours.

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