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She's busy all the time and possible workaholic. Am I too attached?


Mr_LFA

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So I've been dating this girl for about 6 weeks now. We knew each other for a while beforehand and hit it off really well, have similar interests and saw each other a few times a week at the start. Now I know things moved pretty fast as she was staying overnight at mine and vice versa within the first couple of weeks. So I have naturally become quite attached quickly which doesn't normally happen for me this early. I'll also mention that she's recently out of another relationship since August.

 

Anyway just the last two weeks she's been very busy with her work and study (two jobs and finishing a master's) to the point where we've briefly only seen each other for maybe a couple of hours at best. We will also make plans to see each other, which is usually her coming to my place but often it doesn't end up happening for some reason or another because she'll suddenly have to work back late or study to an unearthly hour. Now I feel as we've just been getting to know each other and now it's all been reduced to basically texting (she doesn't seem to mind) but I just find it frustrating and feels a bit like a long distance relationship. She says she wants to spend time with me but "way too many things get in my way". Also, just last night there was a misinterpretation by text where I was waiting for her the entire night as she said she'd let me know when she finished work but didn't and that left me feeling horrible. All I really want is to go out and do 'normal' things with her and not just see her occasionally which is often just her coming over to mine because she is so busy and has not proper place of her own yet.

 

So I'm not sure what I should do as I've been feeling very frustrated lately and all I want to do is see her. I've been trying to stay relaxed and keep busy myself but I'm finding that very difficult at the moment. I want to pursue a future relationship with her and I understand she's going through a busy and stressful time but I can't see that happening anytime soon.

 

Any advice would be much appreciated.

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Typical rookie mistakes here. Spending a bunch of time together early. Communication over text.

 

It has only been six weeks. You are seeing the best she has to offer. I am not going to say she is not over her ex because if you thought that you never should have gone there in the first place.

 

Busy or not I have learned people make time for what is important to them. Even if that means making a phone call and setting up plans.

 

Her behavior shows she is not as invested in you as you deserve.

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How long was her previous relationship? August isn't very long ago and if it was anything more than very short term I would say there is a strong chance she is not yet ready for another relationship....

It was about 7 months which doesn't seem long but I know it was a very serious one. She'll sometimes talk about her ex and she's cried in front of me a few times too. I think you're right but I'm not sure how to handle this right now.

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It was about 7 months which doesn't seem long but I know it was a very serious one. She'll sometimes talk about her ex and she's cried in front of me a few times too. I think you're right but I'm not sure how to handle this right now.

 

Yeah that's really really bad. She's obviously not ready to date. She shouldn't be crying on your shoulder over her ex. is let her go.

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It was about 7 months which doesn't seem long but I know it was a very serious one. She'll sometimes talk about her ex and she's cried in front of me a few times too. I think you're right but I'm not sure how to handle this right now.

 

Definitely definitely definitely move on. She's crying in front of you over her ex she is NOT over it. You deserve better. Sorry.

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Typical rookie mistakes here. Spending a bunch of time together early. Communication over text.

 

It has only been six weeks. You are seeing the best she has to offer. I am not going to say she is not over her ex because if you thought that you never should have gone there in the first place.

 

Busy or not I have learned people make time for what is important to them. Even if that means making a phone call and setting up plans.

 

Her behavior shows she is not as invested in you as you deserve.

I understand that we've made mistakes and that I'm more invested than she is, that's why I'm trying to correct it early. To make matters more complicated, her ex is a friend of mine and he doesn't know about anything yet.

 

She's told me that she's under a lot of pressure from her family which I can understand given her cultural background and she's also just purchased a house.

 

Yes I want her to make time but I feel like I'm on the 'back burner' right now which is hard for me to handle.

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I understand that we've made mistakes and that I'm more invested than she is, that's why I'm trying to correct it early. To make matters more complicated, her ex is a friend of mine and he doesn't know about anything yet.

 

She's told me that she's under a lot of pressure from her family which I can understand given her cultural background and she's also just purchased a house.

 

Yes I want her to make time but I feel like I'm on the 'back burner' right now which is hard for me to handle.

 

Ugh, this is a mess. Just reading the OP, I was going to say, "give it more time"...but crying about her ex in front of you...and that you're friends with him...this is not good.

 

It's true that she is incredibly busy. She has a lot on her plate...but I think this is more a case of actions expressing priority.

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really, just move on? I was honestly prepared to give her the time and space she needs.

 

How long is a piece of string? You don't have to close the door completely but I would not for one second rely on her becoming what you need any time soon...you also have the issue of her ex being your friend to deal with...get out there and date and socialise and leave her to it and don't put your life on hold. Are you sure that part of the attraction is that she is unavailable (as she is). All too common and one of own personal habits

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Thanks for the replies. I feel like everything that's been said is true but I keep trying to deny it for some stupid reason. She says she's over "him" but I know they're just words and that she's not really.

How long is a piece of string? You don't have to close the door completely but I would not for one second rely on her becoming what you need any time soon...you also have the issue of her ex being your friend to deal with...get out there and date and socialise and leave her to it and don't put your life on hold. Are you sure that part of the attraction is that she is unavailable (as she is). All too common and one of own personal habits

Good point, her unavailability could add to the attraction, which I haven't really thought about before.

 

If you are looking for a serious relationship, she is not the right person for you. She needs to be single to get over her ex and once it is done, she has to have time to build a relationship. Texting does not build anything.

Yes you are right. Texting is all she seems to have time for.

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So she called on Sat asking to meet up for lunch. I agreed but we didn't end up having lunch due to another issue and the usual time constraints with her work so just met up briefly. She looked like a wreck though, I really don't know how people can work this much.

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