Is it possible to find love again?

[dt08]

So my boyfriend of three years is breaking up with me for the third time. I feel like it's the same story over and over - that he isn't ready, that he needs to "figure himself out", that he doesn't know what he wants. But every time, he tells me he loves me and is in love with me and then leaves for a few months and then comes back. Every time I tell myself that he's different, he's changed but it always ends up with me feeling this heartbreak again. It gets me to the point where I feel like I can't breathe, I can't sleep, I can't eat.

 

He yells at me, he puts me down, he says that I am getting in the way of him figuring things out, that even though he thinks I'm the love of his life, he is willing to risk losing me and any chance of ever being together. He says all the time that he doesn't know if he'll regret it but that he has to do this. It's so honestly frustrating that I love him. And despite all the mistreatment he's given me, despite all his inconsiderateness and lack of loyalty to stay in this relationship, I still can't help but think that he could be the love of my life. But why in God's name can't I see what my friends see? That he is no good for me. I honestly am scared that I won't move on this time - that I won't be able to find someone who loves me or that I love more than the one I'm with right now.

 

Has anyone been in my situation or something similar and ended up finding the real love of their life after being in such a crappy situation??

[lerenard]

I feel for you. Here is my story - I had that "love of my life" when I was still very young, and we were together for 3 years in total, and we were on and off for half a year after that, and its been 2 years after we finally broke up till I realized he was very bad for me. He had the same excuse for breaking up with me as you said - he wasn't ready, he felt jealous, he needed to find himself, then it was the fact that he moved to another city for studying and so on. First 10 times he left me I was so broken I wanted to be over with any men forever. But he always came back, and in the end I was so sick with his disrespect and his on and off, that I left. He then made a gigantic effort to get me back just to start it all over again with breaking up. I wont mention all the abuse I suffered with him, emotional and physical, all the hate and jealousy. He hated me, but he wasn't able to let me go and be with someone else so he always asked me back. It all ended when he was physically abusive with me the second time, because after the first I was too much In Love to dump him and I went back saying that if it happens again - I will be gone forever. When I left he harassed me for year, followed me everywhere, was threatening me and my friends, told everyone he will kill himself over me, but guess what - he is still alive. And after some time passed he found himself a younger girl that looked as much as me as possible, and he was with her, while still torturing me. Now, its 3 years since we were over, and not so long time ago (some months ago) he contacted an EX of my current boyfriends best friend (I mean - really? What are we in high-school now, he is 25 and still does sh*t like that!!!) and he told that girl that has NOTHING to do with me or my current BF (not to mention she lives 4000 km away) that we are bad people, and she should be on his side against us.

My advise to you - run away as fast as you can and never regret it. You deserve to be happy. That man will never give you that. I found my real love. And its so magical to have a guy that cares for you, and wont play these stupid games with you, and will never scream at you or put you down. Have hope! If you stay with that ass*ole you will never find that special someone.

[loveandlive]

You say you want to feel loved, but do you actually feel loved by him? It doesn't sound like it. You deserve to feel loved and happy, and in order to find that you actually have to be happy with yourself. I think it's best for you to let him go for the last time and move on with your life. You shouldn't be with someone that keeps taking these chances so to say by letting you go. Let this be his last chance and the one he actually regrets because you'll now be the one that got away (mostly because you are no longer allowing yourself to give him a 4th chance).

 

Focus on yourself and finding happiness, and trust me the guys will come knocking on your door because at that point, you'll be happy with yourself without "needing" a guy. That's the best type of happiness and guys like seeing a woman that is strong, independent and not needy. I've gone through relationships like this as well, the on and off, and quite frankly they never work. My best friend came out of something like that, and finally let the guy go and focused on herself... 3 months later she met her now husband. He is so amazing to her and she finally found what she deserved. It will happen for you too in time, but until then I would find happiness with yourself first and reconnect with friends, etc. Good luck!

[SooSad33]

You're being traumatized and now have anxiety. The can't eat/sleep thing.

He is NOT good for you, at all. He can't get a grip on HIS life, which is affecting YOU.

 

YOU have to put a STOP to all of this now- YOU BREAK UP WITH HIM- and leave it at that.

No more!

 

Time to leave this crap behind you- he's toxic to you. You need the strength to realize what it's doing to you and get away from it.

Afterwards, you need to look into some counselling for the after affects and work on healing from all of this.

 

You WILL find a real man out there.. someday, but you do NOT need/want one now.

You have to work on healing from what this guy's done to you.. over & over. No one needs this treatment. It is not 'love'. It's like emotional and mental abuse!

 

First things first, okay. Get away from him. Say enough, I dont want this anymore, and leave him alone

Go NC.. and look into taking care of YOU now.

 

It will be hard, you'll most likely go thru the stages of 'loss' even more reason to try some counselling. and ask your dr for something for your anxiety, for a few months, at least.. to calm down.

 

Someday, in the future, you will look back and understand how toxic this was and be glad you got out of it...

 

take care.. you're not alone

[dt08]

Thank you for your replies. I actually just broke up with him and it's been really difficult the last day. I should be proud that I stood up for myself and walked away with what little dignity I had left after what he put me through, but instead I just feel saddened. I feel like I've gone through this two times before and yet this time it hurts more somehow, like I know this is the end of the road. We had a long talk and he basically told me that he knows I'm right and that he needs to grow up and be a better person. I don't know - it just sucks when you spend years with someone and it doesn't work out.

 

I've been struggling with the fact that I feel like this really is the end. And I keep thinking of all the dreams we had together for our future is now gone. How will I move on? How will I love someone more and have someone love me more? And even through all of this, I keep thinking he put you through hell and you still find it in yourself to feel so sad instead of relieved that you no longer have to put up with that mental and emotional roller coaster?

 

I just feel like every time before I went NC and I grew stronger but I never really gave up the idea of him and me working out one day. But this time I feel like as each hour passes, the more I let that slip from me, which is a good thing, but it doesn't feel like it is.

 

Will I move on? Will I love someone else? Will it just ever work out in love for me?

[AutumnBorn]

Well, if I found love again, you will, too. And I did. Therefore, it's certain for you.

 

Is it the same passion I felt for my ex-husband? No. It's better than that - it feels stable and mature, comfortable and warm, peaceful, genuine. I have a sweet, kind, caring, romantic, very attractive, semi-famous artist who's well-respected in his professional community...and he adores me.

 

So, yes, if I can find love again at my age (old), you will.

[dt08]

I think it's hard to believe that right now but you're probably right. It's just I invested so much of my heart into this and now I feel like all the dreams I had are gone. The mornings are especially hard, once again, because I wake up without a practiced mindset. I usually tell myself throughout the day that I did the right thing, I'm going to move on, I'm going to be happy, and that everything happens for a reason but the moment I wake up I feel scared and alone and that initial wake up can be quite hard.

 

It sucks to miss him and know that not only can I not talk to him, but that I shouldn't and I won't.

[Ms Darcy]

It's hard to find love when you stay in a back and forth with someone who does not truly love you. I suggest you read this: link removed

 

In it, the author mentions that life keeps throwing lessons at you until you learn them. Maybe it is time for you to learn.

[Notagoodninja]

I had severe PTSD from my own abusive relationship I was on and off again for 6 years

Finally I picked a couple tiny pieces of self respect I had left for myself, a tiny piece of what was left of my very broken heart & feebly walked out of his life forever

Finding love is hard and not easy, I have not found it again yet. I have dated and it hasn't turned out well at all so I did give up temporarily but I am open to finding love again some day. You cannot turn your heart off to love forever.

It's not healthy actually! It just makes you angry, bitter and cold. It does not help you to become a better more caring person when you shut your heart off to LOVE.

 

But that being said you need to leave this crazy nut job like I left mine, and just be single then. I have been trying to go to the gym as much as possible. Live there kinda, haha. Feels good to just work out and be in that environment.

[Zuri]

To answer your original question:

YEEEEESSSSSSS!!!

I gazillion times: yes!

OMG YES!

[Shainet]

I know i will find love again. But i know it will be after a couple of years again. It took me more than 3 years to be in a 2nd relationship. And im 27 now. All my friends are married. Hmmm..

[dt08]

So it's been a couple of days since the break up, almost a week and I just can't seem to let go of this faint hope that maybe we could work out but all my friends tell me that how would it ever work out right now if he needs time to grow and be a better person? Even if he came back he would still be the same ungrateful, mean guy.

 

How do you let go of the hope that there could be a happy ever after for you two and move on to bigger and better things in life?? Has anyone felt this way and got through it? I need some encouragement....

[dereitis]

So it's been a couple of days since the break up, almost a week and I just can't seem to let go of this faint hope that maybe we could work out but all my friends tell me that how would it ever work out right now if he needs time to grow and be a better person? Even if he came back he would still be the same ungrateful, mean guy.

 

How do you let go of the hope that there could be a happy ever after for you two and move on to bigger and better things in life?? Has anyone felt this way and got through it? I need some encouragement....

 

Why would you want to be with someone who is ungrateful and mean? Your friends are right in telling you it wont work out. Just go a few months with no contact and you'll probably wonder why you ever even wanted to get back together.

[itsjustkate]

I think you did the right thing. You deserve better. I was in your situation once. A while ago and he finally left me. it was the best thing that has ever happened. I have found a love I never expected to find: ME! I used the time to get to know me and really get in touch with who I am and be proud of myself. I have done so much in a sort time and I now see what everyone else saw when they looked at me. I am just starting to venture out into the dating world now, 7 months later. I'm still apprehensive but I know at the end of the day I have me and that is comforting.

 

Best of luck to you!

[dt08]

Honestly, I feel even though I haven't been crying that much since we broke up a week and a half ago, I'm so unmotivated to do anything. I wake up and I dread that I have to go through the day again. And it sucks because logically I see how blessed I am with everything and everyone that I have but I am seriously so unhappy.

 

Did anyone else feel this way?

[dereitis]

Honestly, I feel even though I haven't been crying that much since we broke up a week and a half ago, I'm so unmotivated to do anything. I wake up and I dread that I have to go through the day again. And it sucks because logically I see how blessed I am with everything and everyone that I have but I am seriously so unhappy.

 

Did anyone else feel this way?

 

Yes, I felt that way for about 2-3 months. It really does go away. I thought I would be in that funk forever. I could never get motivated, etc. Just go with NC and you'll be fine.