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My boyfriend wants me to be on a diet


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Okay, so I've been with him for about a year now. He's been working out and dieting for years...he used to be anorexic. I used to be anorexic as well, but never became an actual skeleton (like him). He weighs all of his food and suffers from extreme OCD. He didn't do this in the beginning of our relationship, but started counting calories and weighing his food again after a couple of months. I was a healthy eater, but would skip meals, then eat a big meal and didn't exercise. I weighed 133 lbs at 5'8.5" when we met. We had a lot of problems early on...he tried to control everything about my life. I even went on his diet and exercise routine (he would freak out if I missed a day at the gym or ate over my calories). I felt suffocated, so I started to binge eat and gained 10 lbs putting me at 144. Mind you, I wasn't fat then, but it disgusted him and freaked him out. Since then I went back on his strict diet and starting working out 6 days a week and lost all of the binge weight in one month. I've been doing what he wants, but he is still being so obnoxious about it and making it feel more like a punishment than a positive thing. I've asked him to please be happy with my slender frame at 133, but he wants me to look the best I can. He thinks that without his diet I will get fat. He's RUINING MY LIFE AND SELF-ESTEEM. He's made me cry about my weight...so many times. The last time I went off his diet he found out that I ate a delicious organic kale salad at the restaurant where I work and SCREAMED at me because he couldn't believe I would eat their salad dressing!

 

ANYWAYS, I have told him today that I am no longer on his diet. I am doing my own thing, and it's none of his business. For our relationship to survive, he needs to accept me and leave me alone. It's MY BODY. I just know that he will torture me for it, but this is the LAST STRAW. What do you all think of this?

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I think your boyfriend is in an incredibly unhealthy place and is dragging you back into it. You need to guard your emotional and physical health against him. He is using his eating disorder,and yours, to control you.

 

 

This is sadly, definitely what I would call an abusive situation. I'd advise you to leave. He is not safe.

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ANYWAYS, I have told him today that I am no longer on his diet. I am doing my own thing, and it's none of his business. For our relationship to survive, he needs to accept me and leave me alone. It's MY BODY. I just know that he will torture me for it, but this is the LAST STRAW. What do you all think of this

 

this is what you have to keep reminding yourself ...this is your answer ..mean it and stick to it .

 

no pun intended here , but if you know about OCD then you know not to " feed" his OCD by agreeing to his rules , it is enabling .

 

one of the things any partner/family member always gets told is NOT to play along with the requirements of their particular OCD .

 

You are doing the right thing ...believe me

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I am sorry, but he will never be happy with you even if you try & stick to his rigid rules.

Do you really want to live like this for the rest of your life? It sounds pretty miserable to me.

I think you need to leave and work on yourself for a while, build your self esteem back up to a place where you are happy with yourself and then find someone who will love you for you, not try & change you.

Good luck......

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I think you should break up with him... honestly!

 

The problem is if he has been anorexic in the past and has really negative attitudes towards food and is totally phobic about thinking even normal weight people are fat, you do NOT want to be with him and participate in his craziness. Really, even at 144 lbs you are perfectly normal, and HE is the one with the mental problems related to his food issues. He is trying to make his issues with food be YOUR issues with food, and really, he has a very unhealthy approach to food it sounds like, so don't cave to this behavior.

 

But honestly, I think it will not work out in the end because he is so controlling and OCD and seems to not care about that or think it is a problem he should fix, and is instead asking you to participate in his own craziness.

 

So I think you will be better off finding a normal man rather than spending your life living with the food police!

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this guy will never be happy with your body, and it isn't about him wanting you to be healthy, because at your height/weight/and level of activity you sound like you are at a healthy weight, he just wants to control you and is projecting his own body insecurities and issues onto you. It's not healthy, this is abusive. I think you should walk away from him TBH.

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ANYWAYS, I have told him today that I am no longer on his diet. I am doing my own thing, and it's none of his business. For our relationship to survive, he needs to accept me and leave me alone. It's MY BODY. I just know that he will torture me for it, but this is the LAST STRAW. What do you all think of this?

 

Given the situation, your reply was right on target, as well as making it obvious that you respect yourself. I agree with others, there is nothing glamorous about a control freak, and this does go hand and hand with an abusive relationship.

 

Well done!

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If you want to lose weight, do it for YOU.

 

Honestly, your weight is just fine, if anything might even be a little slim.

 

You need to find someone who loves you for you. He does not deserve you.

 

The only thing you need to lose right now.. is him.

 

Good luck!

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While you both have problems with eating disorders I think you've conquered a majority of your demons in that arena. Your boyfriend however hasn't and worse he extends his emotional and mental issues not only to controlling himself, but to those closest to him as well--i.e. you. The guy has major control issues in general and unless he actually decides to get therapy for it, which would first mean he has to acknowledge he even has a problem, you can only expect more of the same behavior you've already gotten all along.

 

And why on earth would you want to stay with anyone who will "torture you" for refusing to do something that puts you at risk physically and emotionally???

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As a former anorexic myself, I want to encourage you to save yourself and get out now.

 

Once you're completely healthy, you'll be strong enough to immediately laugh in the face of anyone who has the audacity to insist you change anything about yourself. And you'll find someone who loves you as you are, no matter what that looks like. Your ex doesn't value you enough to want you to be healthy and happy with who you are. He values your insecurity more. You are worth so much more than the number on a scale.

 

Your, hopefully, ex needs serious help.

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I think your relationship sounds dangerously toxic. To say that your boyfriend is failing to manage his OCD effectively would be an understatement. His compulsions are not only torturing his own mind and body, but yours as well. What disquiets me most, however, is how normal this seems to be to you. I see nothing in your post about wanting to leave him - about needing immediate and sweeping change - and this troubles me. Why do you find this behaviour to be acceptable? Make no mistake, OP, enduring it is accepting it. Perhaps you're too habituated to your circumstances; you're not seeing how bad it's gotten.

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