Should i take her back?

[jds1990]

Thanks to anyone who reads this and anyone who offers me advice/thoughts. Im really confused at the minute and just think its a good time to get all my feelings out to see if anyone can make sense of what im thinking.

 

I broke up with my girlfriend almost a month ago, we were together for 2.5 years. The last 3 or 4 months i wasnt happy and the break up was coming, what finally did it for me was that she lied to me one day of her whereabouts and still to this day wont admit where she was. I was fed up of her being around me 24/7, she had lived with me and my family for the majority of our time together due to her not having a stable place to live, she has no father and doesnt get along with her mum. I kept telling her for the last 3 or 4 months that i felt she had to move out, find anywhere in order to give us some space, she didnt listen to me and it just got worse. She hasnt worked for the last 6 months either and that didnt help one bit, id come home from work and she would always be there, we liked being around each other but it got to the point where i couldnt breathe without her being there and i had enough.

 

Since the relationship she has moved in with her mate, she has quit smoking, she has told me she is trying really hard to find a new job and is endlessly telling me how things will be different now not living in each others pockets like we were. The first 10 days of the break up was hard, she wouldnt listen to me when i said i wanted to go no contact for at least a few days give me time to think, she spoke to me every day for almost the first 2 weeks saying how difficult she was finding it. This is my second break up, first time however being the dumper so i know how she is feeling, my first break up hurt me a lot too.

 

Im just not sure what it is i want more, im 23 and have had two serious relationships lasting over 2 years so part of me feels like im young and wasting my young years being tied up with someone, but on the other hand i have recently started missing my ex. Other then the no space thing we get along really well. I do believe things would be better now that she has moved out, but on the other hand its only been a month and im not sure we have been on our own enough yet, im just not sure if its worth another try or not?

 

Not quite sure what else to add but if anyone can give me there views on this would be helpful, thanks.

[Twidom]

My 2 cents? If you're not sure don't do it. You'll just hurt her more.

 

But if you really want things to work between you two, go for it. Tell her "I'm willing to try but I'm not promising anything". If she's ok with that why not?

[Edmund Exley]

Did she have reason to lie about her whereabouts?

[jds1990]

I was at work and she told me she was down her cousins for the day. However, when i got home from work i spoke to my sister who asked me where my ex had been that day. I said she had been down her cousins and my sister told me she briefly saw her for 10 minutes and that my ex even told her she will be back home in half hour. I brought this up with my ex and she is adamant she was down her cousins all day, what i really need to do to resolve this is sit them both down and just get to the bottom of it because i believe my sister, she has no reason to lie where as it sounds like my ex is keeping something from me which happened that day, very strange and until i know 100% what happened i dont think ill trust her.

 

I do want things to work, but maybe give it a little more time.

[Edmund Exley]

I don't see how there is any proof of a lie there. It sounds to me like you are very insecure about her ability to tell the truth. Which may be warranted, but nothing here demonstrates that. Couldn't she have went to her cousins after she saw your sister?

[blitzkrieged]

It could be innocent... Do you think maybe she wanted to make it seem like she was getting out of the house when she was really just being a potato at home? You make it sound like she's there all day and she knew it was getting to you, so maybe she just felt embarrassed telling you she wasn't up to anything that day, and now that you figured out it was a lie, it would be mega embarrassing to just admit that. That, Orrrrr she was cheating...

Obviously if you get back together you're going to have to get the truth out of her first.

[pl3asehelp]

I don't think you're a match if it was so awful for you to live with her. Most relationships progress to that point and if you were there and unhappy, why waste any more time?

[jds1990]

Ok lets explain it properly. She left around 10am for her cousins where she said she was going to be all day. I left for work at midday, before work she told me she was with her cousin. My sister told me when i go home that she saw my ex at my house around 4pm. Yet my ex didnt get back home from her 'cousins' that day till 7pm. So my sister is telling me that my ex came home at 4pm and didnt come back till 7pm when my ex is telling me she was out all day from 10am till 7pm, im going to believe my sister, my ex is just obviously hiding something.

[jds1990]

Bottom line is i care about her, can see it working again now she has moved out but the one thing left to sort out is the trust issue, she lies at the silliest things if she feels she can get away with it, we broke up before due to her lying which i eventually forgave now i find myself going through trust issues again with her.

[blitzkrieged]

What are you going to do though if the relationship does work with the two of you apart? Fast forward a year or two... You're young but women usually want to know that if they're devoting 2+ years to someone that they at least have some kind of solid commitment and future with that person. It hurts terribly to break up but even more so with someone you've been with for ages. If only so it doesn't feel like it was all a waste of time. So let's say it does work for you apart and this continues, you will either be expected to propose after a reasonable number of years have passed (or at least move in) so she's confident you're serious about her, or, you will just break up... again. Am I right?

[Edmund Exley]

No sense being in a relationship with a person that you never fully trust. Continue to move on.

[jds1990]

Im 23 im not looking to propose to anyone anytime soon but i get your point.

 

Im just trying to imagine being back with her now, i think the trust issue is too much, if she can lie to me whilst living with me then i will just feel she can easily lie when she doesnt see me half as much as we used to. We both really care about each other, but maybe i wont ever be able to trust her again. She gets so upset about it and thats when i start feeling sorry for her, i got back with her last time because i wanted to give it another go and felt sorry for her but dont know if i should this time. Its only been 3 days with no contact i suppose i better wait and see what its like over the next coming weeks to see how i feel.

[SooSad33]

I'd leave it all alone for now. A person hasn't had much change to do any decent 'changes' in a month.

Sure, she's said, I've done this and done that- but she can also very much turn and go back to her old routine.

 

Don't rush that..

 

Also, look at your last paragraph..> "Im just not sure what it is i want more, im 23 and have had two serious relationships lasting over 2 years so part of me feels like im young and wasting my young years being tied up with someone, but on the other hand i have recently started missing my ex. Other then the no space thing we get along really well. I do believe things would be better now that she has moved out, but on the other hand its only been a month and im not sure we have been on our own enough yet, im just not sure if its worth another try or not?"

 

YOU sound confused, so UNTIL you are completely agreeable with everything do NOT go there.

Sure, you two may be getting along again, because of a few issues, YOU are still thinking on wanting to take 'your own time' in the single world, right?

 

Maybe you should..... Maybe stay in this 'break' you're on now for a while.

See how you both feel in a few months? If things stay on an even course.

[LatinBarbie16]

Why does she have to move back? Why not stay where she is, find a job and see you now and then. Obviously you will get annoyed if you're working all day and she's just sitting at home doing nothing. That's not really fair .... She should be trying to better herself ... I think you did the right thing by asking her to leave and ending it. One month is way to soon ...

[SofiaMz]

i think you should talk to her, i mean think about this if you did not care you would not be posting this to get advice. Tell her everything you felt badly about in the relationship talk it out. If she really has missed you this time for her for sure has been like a living hell so if she has even the smallest chance to make things right im sure she will do it. Give it another chance and if things turn out to be the same the you will know that is truly it you can find closure and then truly move on. People normally don´t give second chances you owe to yourself and to your 2 and half year long relationship. Think about this the last 3 months were bad yes but why are you forgetting the other 30 months? Relationships always go through bad places is only normal you will never find someone with who you never fight.