Why do all women ignore nice quiet guys like myself?

[penelope13]

Do you want to talk about the last time you seemed to experience this 'injustice'?

[annie24]

I don't know what you mean when you ask what do I bring to the table? Are you talking material wealth which I have none or being at ease with myself in social situations and putting others at ease which I'm not and usually don't unless I'm around like minded passive people like myself who don't mind long silences and occasional intellectual discussion. I'm not an intellectual by any means (although I do try sometimes) but I like talking about things from a broad perspective I'm not interested in the mundane or trivial and don't know how to make small talk.

 

wealth can be part of it, but I mean what other qualities? Are you religious? Do you volunteer? Do you want to have children? What kinds of things do you like to talk about? Do you have an interest in politics or science? Do you play instruments or know other languages? I don't want to spend my time with someone I have nothing with in common. Are you funny? I'm an extrovert and get along best with a talkative man. But not over the top.

 

recently, I was on vacation and met a man. Very tall, muscular, very very handsome, and a gigantic flirt. It was actually so over the top, I questioned his motives and was thus turned off. If he dialed it back some, I would have been interested.

[nicequietguy]

Do you want to talk about the last time you seemed to experience this 'injustice'?

 

I don't know what you're trying to infer here but it isn't any specific event you seem to be reaching for just generally seeing people I disapprove of in relationships who don't seem to be nice or even good people. These people seem to get it all but someone like me gets nothing. I don't even think these people try that hard they just naturally have a confidence which seems to entitle them to 'life'. Also I think never having a partner all my life and growing up thinking I've unfairly missed out on the things other less deserving people have taken for granted.

[Doc Blaze]

I see a lot of finger pointing...

 

I think your mixing confident and cocky up a lot in these posts. I am a very confident person. but I am also very quiet.

you dont even have to say a word to anyone and still show your confidence.

[Doc Blaze]

I don't know what you're trying to infer here but it isn't any specific event you seem to be reaching for just generally seeing people I disapprove of in relationships who don't seem to be nice or even good people. These people seem to get it all but someone like me gets nothing. I don't even think these people try that hard they just naturally have a confidence which seems to entitle them to 'life'. Also I think never having a partner all my life and growing thinking I've unfairly missed out on the things other less deserving people have taken for granted.

 

 

you need to stop worrying about other people, feeling sorry for yourself and work on yourself and your life...why are those people less deserving ?

 

why are you owed something but they arent..because your a nice guy...?

[nicequietguy]

wealth can be part of it, but I mean what other qualities? Are you religious? Do you volunteer? Do you want to have children? What kinds of things do you like to talk about? Do you have an interest in politics or science? Do you play instruments or know other languages? I don't want to spend my time with someone I have nothing with in common. Are you funny? I'm an extrovert and get along best with a talkative man. But not over the top.

 

I believe in God but I'm not really religious, I don't volunteer, there are enough people in the world already and I like to talk about things which interest me such as Doctor Who, the past and speculating about stuff. I'm interested in politics to a degree and science less so. I don't play any instruments or speak another language.

[nicequietguy]

I see a lot of finger pointing...

 

I think your mixing confident and cocky up a lot in these posts. I am a very confident person. but I am also very quiet.

you dont even have to say a word to anyone and still show your confidence.

 

But in order to get noticed by women you do apparently have to say a word to them and show you're confident at the same time. Perhaps there are other forms of confidence but being confident and being able to express this in myriad ways such as cockiness or being proud or full of yourself does seem to be the natural progression of having confidence and from what I've seen these things are often inseparable.

[Doc Blaze]

of course you say Hi...

 

is anyone ever going to say hi to someone walking down the road with there head down>?

 

 

Thats how I start with people. One day its just a smile.. Next day a wave Hey Good morning..

 

Then Build upon it.

 

Nobody is going to come rushing to you unless its solely based on looks and even then some might not approach you.

 

If you want to meet and talk to fmales, at one point in your going to have to put yourself out there.

[penelope13]

I don't know what you're trying to infer here but it isn't any specific event you seem to be reaching for just generally seeing people I disapprove of in relationships who don't seem to be nice or even good people. These people seem to get it all but someone like me gets nothing. I don't even think these people try that hard they just naturally have a confidence which seems to entitle them to 'life'. Also I think never having a partner all my life and growing thinking I've unfairly missed out on the things other less deserving people have taken for granted.

 

I'm not trying to infer anything, but I'm trying to LISTEN to you and what is behind the anger. Unfortunately my skill set is very limited and I can't change the way the world and people around you act to make you more comfortable and at peace with the world. However, what I can do is taking the time to listen to you.

 

I believe you have more things on your mind than all these other people who by your esteem are not deserving people, thus why waste your time and energy on them rather than on you?

[valerie25]

If you ever are in a relationship, how are you going to sustain it if you describe yourself as quiet and passive? Will you magically become talkative and will put effort into making plans, decisions etc?

[nicequietguy]

If you ever are in a relationship, how are you going to sustain it if you describe yourself as quiet and passive? Will you magically become talkative and will put effort into making plans, decisions etc?

 

No I won't I can be talkative about things which interest me, I never make plans and I don't like making big decisions. Anything for a quiet life.

[annie24]

No I won't I can be talkative about things which interest me, I never make plans and I don't like making big decisions. Anything for a quiet life.

 

Does this mean you'll let the woman make the big decisions, or you just live your life to avoid big decisions??

[valerie25]

No I won't I can be talkative about things which interest me, I never make plans and I don't like making big decisions. Anything for a quiet life.

 

But relationships DO require communication not only about interesting things. They also require making decisions,plans and putting effort. So maybe what you are looking for is not really for you...

[Seraphim]

So really what you're saying is I want to talk about Dr. Who and sit on a park bench and talk to old folks. I don't want to actually have to talk to a girl. I don't want to actually have to make a decision. I want to put no effort into a relationship. But I deserve a relationship god damn it. And she had better put all the effort into it and I want to have no responsibility for it whatsoever. I want to be a bump on a log but get everything I feel I deserve just because.

 

I hate to tell you this but that doesn't work.

[agent1607307371]

Maybe it's just me but I happen to think being polite and quiet is more important than being confident and trying to impress women and should automatically get me noticed.

 

And hows that working for you so far?

[Bunney]

I think you are so stuck in your mind-set that you fail to realize that in order to have relationships with people, whether it be romantic or platonic, you have to OFFER people something (no, NOT money/materialistic things...).

You are correct in that simply being "nice" and "polite" is not enough. A million other people are "nice and polite", sure, these qualities will help you in every day situations, but certainly not in getting/keeping a girls interest.

 

 

There is a post from another forum that I thought you might relate to and help you get some insight...

 

"It has long puzzled me why most people didn't like me. Apart from the obvious that people don't always like each other, I have come to understand that I lack several qualities that would make people want to spend time with me.

 

1. I'm miserable and pessimistic. Most people want to be around persons that give off a positive vibe.

2. I don't really like people. I can't get myself to care about them. Even though I'm too spineless to be impolite, most people can see through my fake manners. I've been told that I never say "how are you?" or "good morning" in a way that I mean it.

3. I'm not interesting or exciting. My interests are limited and peculiar and most people don't care about them or find them off putting.

4. I'm quiet and meek, which most people take as a sign of either stupidity, peculiarity, hostility or weakness.

5. I'm so out of practice and unempathetic that I usually give off completely wrong body sings and offer the least appropriate words for a given situation.

 

That should cover the most basic points. All in all, in order to get people to like you, you should offer them something.

Comfort, entertainment, familiarity, empathy. If you can't give them that, they will never want you to be around. People just want to leech out other people. Cut them off the good stuff, and you're a pariah. "

[Unreasonable]

Your attitude is just an offshoot of a prevalent mindset of too many millennials a.k.a. "Generation Me." You've been raised in an "everybody's a winner" world, where kids are rewarded for the mundane and there is little motivation to be exceptional. If somethings not going right for you, blame somebody else. No personal accountability. Entitlement. This has become a problem in the workplace because people are expecting raises and promotions for complete mediocrity like showing up on time. They get out into the "real world" and are in for a rude shock.

 

You seem to pine for the days where being polite was more appreciated. That's fine, but I want to impress on you that at no point in recorded history has being "polite" and "nice" been enough, unless you were born into wealth. In fact, before there were government safety nets, if you didn't DO, you starved. Literally. You were not entitled to ANYTHING. Unfortunately for you, as of now there are no government mandates that women must approach men that are just "there" and initiate relationships with them. But who knows, with the nanny state becoming far more real, maybe they will. Since it's the world that's wrong, and not you, maybe you should get into politics so you can actually make a difference.

 

You don't need to be a scumbag, bad boy, alpha male, or whatever other thing you disapprove of to ask a woman (as many as it takes) for coffee. You just don't. It's not a competition man, and the world isn't out to get you.

[Moontiger]

To summarize this 22 page thread:

 

The OP feels:

1) The world/every woman "changed the rules" with consulting him. Ladies, do you remember that memo? I never got one.

2) He should NOT have to exert any effort to be notice. Just existing should be enough.

3) He should NOT have to talk about anything that isn't interesting to HIM or make small talk.

4) Women are responsible for the violence in the world. I find that strange, I always thought it was the people who acted violently who who responsible for violence in the world.

5) He should NOT have to do any self improvement. Apparently because he is so happy with that way things are in his life....

6) Women should complete change what they what, what they are attracted to, and how they respond to men. All the please to OP.

7) Women have conspired to lie on this thread about their personal lives (Rats! He caught us! Abandon the secret base!)

[Moontiger]

Going off of this I offer this: link removed

[superfan]

I believe in God but I'm not really religious, I don't volunteer, there are enough people in the world already and I like to talk about things which interest me such as Doctor Who, the past and speculating about stuff. I'm interested in politics to a degree and science less so. I don't play any instruments or speak another language.

 

I am obsessed with Doctor Who. Look at that! Something in common. Why can't you talk to women about that interest? I will let you in on a little secret. MOST of the men I know (guy friends as well as my husband) are not "overly confident" loud, obnoxious alphas. They aren't. They are socially awkward, shy, sci fi geeks that (like me) attend science fiction conventions and dress up in cosplay.

 

I challenge you to go to a sci fi convention. I PROMISE you that 95% of the guys there will be (in some way) socially awkward and will not identify as "alpha". These are the guys I know and interact with and by and large most of them have had no trouble meeting girls with similar interests and finding a relationship.

 

The photo there of me and my husband was taken two New Years' ago at a convention in Toronto called "Futurecon". My husband (as you might have noticed) is not a muscle-bound conventionally attractive guy. He is a tall, skinny, red headed science fiction nerd. (He is ginger the way the Doctor always wanted to be). There are tons of other sci fi nerds I know who are overweight/underweight and still date.

 

You need to work on YOU. Period.

[pippy longstocking]

I think you are enjoying this interaction ..no matter how harsh and volatile the content has got it is still attention of a kind .

If you didn't respond with an argument against everything then the thread would come to a stand still ...and you would once again be alone with your anger .

[Unreasonable]

Going off of this I offer this: link removed

 

OMG, GREAT article. Thanks for sharing.

 

OP, please read this. And don't read it thinking "Well, this is talking about work, I'm talking about women." Relationships take WORK.

 

Also, don't read this thinking "but I'm not asking for flowers and unicorns." Yes, in fact you are. Your expectations are about as realistic as wishing magic was real.

[Edmund Exley]

I wish I could enshrine this post in gold and make it big enough to see from space...

 

Why don't the 2 of you just hang it on your walls and webcam each other. You're about the only 2 people around that feel that way.

 

You're so embittered about the advantages women have. Why not have a sex change and join them?

[nicequietguy]

It's not a competition man, and the world isn't out to get you.

 

You say it's not a competition but you make it clear that there are winners and losers in life so don't contradict yourself.

[Unreasonable]

The photo there of me and my husband was taken two New Years' ago at a convention in Toronto called "Futurecon". My husband (as you might have noticed) is not a muscle-bound conventionally attractive guy. He is a tall, skinny, red headed science fiction nerd. (He is ginger the way the Doctor always wanted to be). There are tons of other sci fi nerds I know who are overweight/underweight and still date.

 

Obviously photoshopped. You are a woman after all, so you MUST be lying.