Why do all women ignore nice quiet guys like myself?

[agent1607307371]

It's never just a basic conversation though it's 'casual banter' that women expect from men and constantly cracking jokes showing how confident and at ease with themselves they are. If it was just a polite exchange of pleasantries that was required I might have had some or any success.

 

I hate to break this to you, but a "polite exchange of pleasantrie" will only get you that back. If you want more, you have to give more. If you want someone to like you, you have to show them you like them. If you want intimacy, you have to be open.

 

Have you ever seen a nature show? Look at all the stuff male animals have to do to attract a good mate. Humans are not different at all.

[Blue Spiral]

You are nice. Because you are polite. Ya, very unique.

 

EDIT: Being polite is kind of like the English 101 of dating. Its pretty much standard.

 

It is now, yes. But some of us were raised in old-fashioned families that didn't adequately prepare us for the modern world. I had a grandfather who was a teenager during the Great Depression, and his father gave him advice that he later gave to me: if you can hold a job, don't hit women, and treat them well, you won't have any trouble finding an attractive wife. Obviously, that was back when women had fewer options/lower expectations in life, and people tended to stay in their hometowns. Honestly, I'm telling you, what you're reading as "entitlement" is often "culture lag". Women need to help men modernize in this area, because many of us were given antiquated advice. My parents are extremely religious, and the only things they told me were "be nice" and "find a nice Christian girl". They viewed things through a "the guy and girl won't have many other options, so just get them in the same room, have them pay attention to each other, and they'll fall in love" lens. Things are complex, now, and many of us are pretty much failing to deal with it.

 

(Of course, another factor is that men tend to have low expectations outside of attraction, so we assume that women do, as well. "I want a reasonably good-looking girl that's nice, and I don't care about the rest. So if I'm reasonably good-looking and nice, I'll do fine!")

[nicequietguy]

I couldn't even get halfway through the OP...my thoughts? Be a man....

 

Well you've heard it from the horses mouth there women expect men to be REAL men i.e. alpha male protectors and providers thus proving that women are instinctively attracted to aggressively confident (or just aggressive) alpha males and don't like quiet guys like me who go against the natural order. Women haven't mentally evolved much from primates they must still think we live in a hunter gatherer society being predominately attracted to the alpha male providers and protectors. Now you know why not many people (even women who are prepared to be honest about themselves) take women's lib seriously.

[Seraphim]

Here I will tell you what I like to talk about. It has to be of substance some meat and potatoes. It can't be fluffy cream .

My husband and I talk about religion ,politics ,geography ,history ,medicine ,science ,space.......ect ect ect ect we don't even have to agree. You don't have to just talk in general pleasantries. You don't learn anything about the person that way.

 

What are your goals? What are your values? What do you think about any topic there is to talk about?

 

Just today my husband took a surprise day off and took me out for lunch and for a walk by the river. What did we talk about? We talked about the prevalence of presence and polish in today's politics. Talked about if politicians in the past would've made it big today because they have to look like movie stars. That is just one of the topics we talked about. You have to get beyond the fluff topics.

 

Just being polite is not going to cut it. In fact have told us nothing about yourself other than you are polite.

[Moontiger]

It's never just a basic conversation though it's 'casual banter' that women expect from men and constantly cracking jokes showing how confident and at ease with themselves they are. If it was just a polite exchange of pleasantries that was required I might have had some or any success.

 

A women is not impressed/it simple doesn't standout:

 

W: "Hello, how are you?"

M: "I'm find, how are you?"

W "I'm good. I just got back from XYZ"

M "Oh, that's nice"

 

This stands out:

 

W: "Hello, how are you?"

M: "I'm find, how are you?"

W "I'm good. I just got back from XYZ"

M "Wow! Tell me more about that/Wow! I just (related thing)"

 

The second conversation shows interest and leads to a longer conversation.

[Seraphim]

Well you've heard it from the horses mouth there women expect men to be REAL men i.e. alpha male protectors and providers thus proving that women are instinctively attracted to aggressively confident (or just aggressive) alpha males and don't like quiet guys like me who go against the natural order. Women haven't mentally evolved much from primates they must still think we live in a hunter gatherer society being predominately attracted to the alpha male providers and protectors. Now you know why not many people (even women who are prepared to be honest about themselves) take women's lib seriously.

See you're not even really polite. So I'm going to call Bupkus on polite.

[Unreasonable]

That's funny, your view of yourself is pretty much an exact description I got on my last performance review at work. And I'm married. And I didn't 'settle.' Far from it.

 

I know I'm not ever going to be a senior manager with that kind of description. I can be a good worker, but not a good leader. At least I RECOGNIZE that, and realize that I need to take additional steps in order to get there.

 

Your argument that quiet polite shy guys can't get women is utter bulls_t, I'm sorry, but it is. The fact is your self-description is only true on the most superficial ways, what you like to project in public. Get behind the safety of anonymity, and your true self comes out. That true self is NOT quiet, passive, humble and retiring. Quite the opposite! You are ranting, aggressive, not humble (it's everybody's else's fault), and hard-headed. Not to mention your general attitude towards women is freakin horrible.

 

When there is a gross mismatch behind what you are trying to project, and what you TRULY are, this can come off in an unsettling way to people 'in real life' and you need to recognize that.

[Moontiger]

You keep saying men have lower expectations but I think that is flat out wrong. Men can over-weight, bald, drink to much etc and STILL expect women to fall all over them. Anytime a woman objects she is told to "love a man for who he is" AKA lower her standards. That is never asked of a man.

 

Here is OP is asking women to lower their standards instead of improving himself to standout. This is entitlement.

[nicequietguy]

I would say though that women have always naturally gravitated toward the strong and dominant men as opposed to the passive and timid ones like myself but certainly in previous decades qualities such as politeness and good manners were valued more so even a quiet guy back then might have had a chance unlike now and people in general were probably more unassuming, less selfish or caught up in their own trivial little worlds.

[Blue Spiral]

You keep saying men have lower expectations but I think that is flat out wrong. Men can over-weight, bald, drink to much etc and STILL expect women to fall all over them. Anytime a woman objects she is told to "love a man for who he is" AKA lower her standards. That is never asked of a man.

 

Men that expect that are idiots, obviously. Also, both genders are stuck lowering their standards (unless they get out of the game entirely, as I'm trying to do). As for men never being asked to lower their standards...um, is there a skyrocketing of weight-related divorces that I'm not aware of? I don't think that millions of husbands suddenly decided that they like heavier women more.

 

Here is OP is asking women to lower their standards instead of improving himself to standout. This is entitlement.

 

I may have missed it, but I never saw OP asking women to lower their standards. I saw him being mystified that their standards are much higher than he realized. Again, in all honesty, no one ever told me that, in order to get women, I'd need to have an entertaining personality, or that I'd need to lead an exciting life. The picture I was given was "you marry your first love before you know much about anything and you don't have to worry about anything after that".

[nicequietguy]

I may have missed it, but I never saw OP asking women to lower their standards.

 

That's because I didn't people seem to be getting hysterical now and making stuff up as they go along. For instance just because I have an opinion about women that is deemed unacceptable the people here don't have the flexibility of mind to reconcile this with me being a friendly, polite and quiet person which I am. Much good it has done me!

[Seraphim]

Calling women " not evolved" is polite is it? I must've missed that when my mommy taught me politeness.

[Unreasonable]

I would say though that women have always naturally gravitated toward the strong and dominant men as opposed to the passive and timid ones like myself but certainly in previous decades qualities such as politeness and good manners were valued more so even a quiet guy back then might have had more chance than now and people in general were probably more unassuming, less selfish or caught up in their own trivial little worlds.

Men have always been expected to court women. Stop blaming recent societal ills, "alpha males", shallow women, biology, evolution or whatever else on your inability to have a relationship.

 

God, its off-putting and I don't even know what you look like.

[nicequietguy]

Calling women " not evolved" is polite is it? I must've missed that when my mommy taught me politeness.

 

Well the truth isn't polite as I've found out. And in defence of that comment I would call most people in general (not just women) not very evolved or civilised. As Oscar Wilde said 'the truth is never pure and very rarely simple' and if I am misogynistic it's because the truth is.

[Bunney]

Ahaha. Reading your posts really makes it clear to me why nobody wants to date you.

 

Maybe if you didnt have this pathetic attitude and thinking that simply being "NICE" should be enough for a girl to fall in love with you, you'd have a little more success.

 

Didn't you know that being NICE and POLITE is pretty much expected of everybody? You are talking about it like its some kind of special trait.

 

Women like guys who are nice, but confident at the same time. Is it that hard for you to understand? And since when is confidence a bad thing?

You may be "nice" (your posts prove otherwise...) but MOST people are nice. The question is more, how well do you connect with girls, how well do you converse, do you make them feel special, blah blah.

 

Maybe if one day you stop drowning in a sea of self-pity, you still slowly start to accept and understand what people here are telling you.

[faraday]

Wow, you added a lot of extra words to what I said lol. I tell women to "put on their big girl panties" too. The context I meant it in...is suck it up dude, you're talking like a whiny 14 year old.

 

 

 

Well you've heard it from the horses mouth there women expect men to be REAL men i.e. alpha male protectors and providers thus proving that women are instinctively attracted to aggressively confident (or just aggressive) alpha males and don't like quiet guys like me who go against the natural order. Women haven't mentally evolved much from primates they must still think we live in a hunter gatherer society being predominately attracted to the alpha male providers and protectors. Now you know why not many people (even women who are prepared to be honest about themselves) take women's lib seriously.

[pippy longstocking]

and if I am misogynistic it's because the truth is

 

 

that's very clever ...but very wrong

 

well actually no , it's your truth and that is all that matters .. your opinion and distaste towards women is whatever you choose it be ...

[Seraphim]

Well the truth isn't polite as I've found out. And in defence of that comment I would call most people in general (not just women) not very evolved or civilised. As Oscar Wilde said 'the truth is never pure and very rarely simple' and if I am misogynistic it's because the truth is.

Ahhh well dear now you know why women are not knocking on your door because the truth is you think we are lesser people than you. That belief stinks to high heaven and women can smell it. Smart huh?! I think it's smart they don't want to be emotionally biatch slapped and told that they are lesser than men.

[nicequietguy]

 

Women like guys who are nice, but confident at the same time.

 

 

Well that's another nice example of female hypocrisy because I've seen women like guys who are confident but not nice at the same time.

[Bunney]

Sure, Ignore the rest of my post! Only reply to stuff that suit your self-pity, angry mind-set.

[pippy longstocking]

Well that's another nice example of female hypocrisy because I've seen women like guys who are confident but not nice at the same time.

 

 

but we all like different things don't we ...just as you fella's do ....I bet not two of us ladies on here could write the same list of "requirements" when looking for a mate ...

[Bunney]

And there are always going to be immature young girls who like a**holes, but you aren't trying to date 17 year olds, right??? Gosh, rarely seen a person that annoying on these forums!

 

edit to add: the same could be said for men, a lot of them go for women who are b*tchy, hell isn't there even a book called "Why men love b*tches"? So much for hypocrisy

[journeynow]

Don't give up, you haven't met and gotten to know ALL women yet. Be friendly and kind to ALL of them, gradually get to know them, find out about their personalities and interests, share some of yourself, more than your shyness and manners so that they'll know you are interested. Be careful that you are not coming accross as disinterested if you are very very quiet, or judging/condescending if you are overly polite. I'm not saying you are, but sometimes shyness can be misinterpreted as arrogance or reclusiveness or snobbery or anger, etc. Quietness and politeness can creat a wall that other people may not know how to get past. You have to open the door, keep it open, and have a welcome sign.

[Unreasonable]

By the way, the assertion that you have to be an "Alpha Male" to get a mate is laughable. It doesn't work that way in social animals. It's not like the alpha gets all the females and everybody else gets nothing. From a strictly scientific viewpoint alphas, betas and gammas have similar mating success. You're acting like the world is full of alphas and there are very few subordinates. That is simply not true, or possible. If that were the case than the concept of an alpha would have absolutely no meaning. Now, alpha FEMALES, on the other hand, typically go after other alphas. You do not seem to be isolating this to alpha females, and are painting all females with a broad brush and that is just wrong.

[nicequietguy]

By the way, the assertion that you have to be an "Alpha Male" to get a mate is laughable. It doesn't work that way in social animals. It's not like the alpha gets all the females and everybody else gets nothing. From a strictly scientific viewpoint alphas, betas and gammas have similar mating success. You're acting like the world is full of alphas and there are very few subordinates. That is simply not true, or possible. If that were the case than the concept of an alpha would have absolutely no meaning. Now, alpha FEMALES, on the other hand, typically go after other alphas. You do not seem to be isolating this to alpha females, and are painting all females with a broad brush and that is just wrong.

 

I would say that all women are attracted to the confident call them alpha males if you like and because of the disparity of men having to make the first move women in general have more choice than men even if they are quieter or shy. Most men settle for whatever they can get unless they are exceptionally good looking and ridiculously confident and even average men still have to have at least something bordering on confidence or be able to feign it whereas women can just sit back and wait for something to come along and make no mistake it will do (barring any major abnormalities of course). However if you're a quiet guy who lacks confidence and is unable to approach women you're basically stuffed!