Why do all women ignore nice quiet guys like myself?

[nicequietguy]

But there's a lot of single and unhappy women, though, too. Isn't that just the nature of life in general? Some people get what they want and some people don't.

 

The difference is that most single and unhappy women will have ample chance of having a relationship (especially the better looking ones) because men are always competing for women so they will have an opportunity that is denied to quieter guys like myself who can't approach women. There is an obvious disparity between men and women here which most people don't acknowledge. Women for the most part can pick and choose the men they want out of what is offered to them if they remain single it will probably be out of choice more than anything else the same can't be said for men though. Never underestimate how desperate the average man is who will eventually settle for anything.

[Blue Spiral]

But there's a lot of single and unhappy women, though, that can't get a date either. And many of them them are wonderful people that really do have a lot to offer and have no anger, bitterness towards men etc.

 

Trust me, I know a lot of them. And they don't have unrealistically high standards, either.

 

I agree, actually--I've known a lot of them, as well. I feel bad for them. But, even though they're mostly ignored, they still get "approached" more in a year than I've been in my entire life, because men do the initiating/pursuing. I've known grossly overweight women that had multiple men to choose from; whereas I was honest about my height in my online profiles, and could send a hundred winks and get ignored.

[Unreasonable]

Dating is a numbers game.

 

Quiet men with no confidence are not going to approach women with the frequency required to attain a relationship in a timely manner.

 

It's not about "bad boys" and "idiots" and whatnot - its society that expects men to make the first move, not the woman. You're the man.

 

Chances are, unless you are hideous, that there's been a woman or two that found you attractive and it never went anywhere because you didn't make the first move.

 

You need to be prepared to get shot down by DIRECT propositions for phone numbers, coffee, etc. How much? However much it takes. It takes a reasonable amount of balls to do this and you need to be able to take rejection. A lot. And it's going to require you to open your mouth. If you can't do that, this is not womankind's fault, it's yours.

 

Stop blaming women, this attitude is NOT going to help!

[Moontiger]

Do you people have some difficulty understanding that I don't go round speaking expressing these views 'real life' and that someone can be completely different in how they portray themselves in a different environment? I think I'm a nice guy because in 'real life' I'm polite (over polite actually), quietly spoken, passive, humble and retiring and if that isn't good enough for women they can go **** themselves or their alpha male lackys. It's not me that's got the problem it's this unfair thing we call life which is the problem.

 

 

Ok, fine. If that's the case why are you posting for advice? If you have made the choice to give up that is, once again, on you.

 

To show you the point me and many woman here are trying to make (and you are resisting) I'll give you the cliff notes version of the relationship that brought me to ENA.

 

I was in college and involved in a bunch of different organization on campus. As part on this I was helping with new student orientation. I was places with a new group of students and another person in my year was helping with the same group. J and I hit it off right away, he had a good sense of humor and was a gentleman. He asked if he could walk me back to my dorm every night so I wouldn't have to be out alone after dark. He wasn't really my type physically. Before him I had a strong preference for thin men: think Jonny Depp or Tom Hiddleston. J was a little bulky for my taste. But one things led to another and we started dating. Now, remember I had NEVER met J before we worked together. A few weeks into dating he told me he had had a crush on me for a year.

 

He never spoke to me. So according to you, I should have just seen him one day and said, "Well HE is clearly a great guy" walked up to him and demanded that he date me.

 

You see, once again, if you don't talk to women they are not going to notice you.

[BigKK]

Do you people have some difficulty understanding that I don't go round speaking expressing these views 'real life' and that someone can be completely different in how they portray themselves in a different environment? I think I'm a nice guy because in 'real life' I'm polite (over polite actually), quietly spoken, passive, humble and retiring and if that isn't good enough for women they can go **** themselves or their alpha male lackys. It's not me that's got the problem it's this unfair thing we call life which is the problem.

Your generalizations and woe is me attitude towards the opposite sex is repugnant. Stop labeling things like "women" and making blanket statements. Stop saying things like "alpha males." Someone that can speak confidently to another person instantly puts them in your "alpha male" category?

 

I think you're delusional by calling yourself a "nice guy." Let's try something like a bitter self-loathing but I'll blame others kind of guy. You make these generalizations on your own experience, my advice would be you should work on yourself not pout about "women." Obviously you're the problem, not them.

 

 

Women don't ignore nice and quiet guys. Women (read: the ladies you seek attention from) are probably ignoring you because your viewpoints on male-to-female inter-relations are so off that it probably comes through in your demeanor, body language, and your voice.

 

Check your crap attitude, and maybe you won't get ignored quiet "nice" guy

[allcity]

They will have an opportunity that is denied to quieter guys like myself who can't approach women

 

Well, if you can't approach women, then what's stopping you from trying to get better at approaching women?

 

It's a tired cliche that I've used before, but if you didn't have the necessary skills for your dream job, would you just complain that they wouldn't hire you or would you go ahead and learn the necessary skills?

[Moontiger]

I consider myself nice but I'm single too. Nice on its own is not really enough. If your greatest attribute is that you don't punch women, that's not really great.

 

So true. The article I recommended (6 Harsh Truths That Will Make You a Better Person) talks about that. If the best thing you can say about yourself is what you are not, then you have some work to do.

[nicequietguy]

Ok, fine. If that's the case why are you posting for advice?

 

I'm posting this to raise awareness about women shunning the quiet guys like myself which I don't think is done enough and I consider it to be an injustice and injustice is something which should always be spoken out against.

[Blue Spiral]

The difference is that most single and unhappy women will have ample chance of having a relationship (especially the better looking ones) because men are always competing for women so they will have an opportunity that is denied to quieter guys like myself who can't approach women. There is an obvious disparity between men and women here which most people don't acknowledge. Women for the most part can pick and choose the men they want out of what is offered to them if they remain single it will probably be out of choice more than anything else the same can't be said for men though. Never underestimate how desperate the average man is who will eventually settle for anything.

 

I wish I could enshrine this post in gold and make it big enough to see from space...

[Moontiger]

Well, if you can't approach women, then what's stopping you from trying to get better at approaching women?

 

It's a tired cliche that I've used before, but if you didn't have the necessary skills for your dream job, would you just complain that they wouldn't hire you or would you go ahead and learn the necessary skills?

 

The problem is the OP feels so entitled that he feels he should not have to develop any skills. Woman should just fall for him upon seeing him. Its like if someone said they wanted to be a doctor but refuses to go to medical school.

[allcity]

I'm posting this to raise awareness about women shunning the quiet guys like myself which I don't think is done enough and I consider it to be an injustice and injustice is something which should always be spoken out against.

 

Again, what makes you think that you deserve attention and/or women to want to date you? What are your traits that you feel would make you a good partner?

 

And if it's that you're nice, what is it about you that makes you a nice person? You missed or ignored me the last time that I asked.

[nicequietguy]

Yeah that's because I make a point of going round expressing these views to every women I see. Of course it's the only way you can justify yourselves by thinking that I go round saying this in real life which as I've already predictably pointed out several times I don't. Women do ignore nice quiet guys no matter how much you might want to say otherwise confidence is the only attribute which gains men recognition when it comes to women and it doesn't matter how that confidence is used even if it is at the expense of nice quiet guys like me which has been.

[nicequietguy]

Again, what makes you think that you deserve attention and/or women to want to date you? What are your traits that you feel would make you a good partner?

 

And if it's that you're nice, what is it about you that makes you a nice person? You missed or ignored me the last time that I asked.

 

Are you taking the piss? I've already outlined what I think makes me a nice person. Stop asking the same question.

[Moontiger]

Again, what makes you think that you deserve attention and/or women to want to date you? Seriously? What are your traits that would make you a good partner?

 

And if it's that you're nice, why do you think that you're a nice person?

 

Oh, Allcity, don't you see??? By the OP's logic women should just know he is a great guy by seeing him OP, if you could tell me where to go to get thes psycic powers it would be very helpful to me and all the women here). They should use all their energy and do all the work to find out who this guy who never talks to them and is stand-offish. But, you know, the OP should NOT have to put forth any energy or effort. That would just be silly.

[allcity]

Are you taking the piss? I've already outlined what I think makes me a nice person. Stop asking the same question.

 

Wow! Just wow. I'm out of here. But hey, at least you just proved what a nice guy you are. WOW!

[Moontiger]

Are you taking the piss? I've already outlined what I think makes me a nice person. Stop asking the same question.

 

You are nice. Because you are polite. Ya, very unique.

 

EDIT: Being polite is kind of like the English 101 of dating. Its pretty much standard.

[nicequietguy]

The problem is the OP feels so entitled that he feels he should not have to develop any skills. Woman should just fall for him upon seeing him. Its like if someone said they wanted to be a doctor but refuses to go to medical school.

 

No not by just seeing me don't oversimplify. I would say by seeing what a polite, well mannered and passive person I am should be enough even if I'm not directly speaking to them. And don't say it doesn't work like that I've seen plenty of women be instantly attracted to the cocky and loudmouth moron in social situations so why not the quiet, humble and passive guy like me?

[Seraphim]

Should we consider us women " schooled" and emotionally biatch slapped now?

[Moontiger]

No not by just seeing me don't oversimplify. I would say by seeing what a polite, well mannered and passive person I am should be enough even if I'm not directly speaking to them. And don't say it doesn't work like that I've seen plenty of women be instantly attracted to the cocky and loudmouth moron in social situations so why not the quiet, humble and passive guy like me?

 

To you the guys is loud/rude/whatever. To SOME women that guys is outgoing, fun, has a sense of humor. The bottom line is this: What do you WANT? Once you define that you can get on a path to get what you want. If what you are doing right now isn't working, here is a crazy idea, change what you are doing. Let me guess, you shouldn't have to change to please woman? Yet you are asking women to change to please you. This street goes both ways.

[nicequietguy]

No not by just seeing me don't oversimplify. I would say by seeing what a polite, well mannered and passive person I am should be enough even if I'm not directly speaking to them. And don't say it doesn't work like that I've seen plenty of women be instantly attracted to the cocky and loudmouth moron in social situations so why not the quiet, humble and passive guy like me?

 

This is from a previous post.

 

I think I'm a nice guy because in 'real life' I'm polite (over polite actually), quietly spoken, passive, humble and retiring

 

On top of that I could mention other things I've done in my life which I think qualifies me as a nice person such as treating people with respect even those who couldn't afford me the same courtesy. There are other things as well. It doesn't matter women only notice confident men you could be a saint and women wouldn't be attracted to you unless you were confident and self assured and knew how to carry a conversation and all that worthless s*** women insist men should be like.

[agent1607307371]

you could be a saint and women wouldn't be attracted to you unless you were confident and self assured and knew how to carry a conversation and all that worthless women insist men should be like.

 

If knowing how to have a basic conversation is something that a) is necessary to get a gf and b) something you think is worthless... you do the math.

 

I don't think expecting a bit of personality is a huge ask in a partner.

[faraday]

I couldn't even get halfway through the OP...my thoughts? Be a man....

 

but what you want to hear?

 

"OH! You're a NICE guy!!! Here, eat this sammich while I give you a blow job." Right?

 

*eye roll*

[annie24]

"Nice" is not enough. Compatibility? Are you religious? What are your hobbies? Do you speak others languages? Do you love animals? What are your goals and values?

[nicequietguy]

If knowing how to have a basic conversation is something that a) is necessary to get a gf and b) something you think is worthless... you do the math.

 

I don't think expecting a bit of personality is a huge ask in a partner.

 

It's never just a basic conversation though it's 'casual banter' that women expect from men and constantly cracking jokes showing how confident and at ease with themselves they are. If it was just a polite exchange of pleasantries that was required I might have had some or any success.

[Moontiger]

Should we consider us women " schooled" and emotionally biatch slapped now?

 

Oh Victoria! I love your posts. I really think this comes down to results. The OP is having trouble finding a relationship. A common problem for both genders. He refuses to do anything to get what he wants (which is a weird way to interacting with the world, IMO). I still think this is like a person who wants to be a doctor but refuses to get to medical school...and then blames medical facilities for not hiring them.