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the unreal routine


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Holiday loneliness has got to be the worst feeling.

Feels like it's become a routine now.

They always end it the same way, around the same time each year.

"I'm not ready for so much love!" "I'm not ready yet." "We best be friends."

And when do I ever get a say? Never.

The key thing is, they all know I'm real!

that I'll love them for the sake of loving them and making sure they're treated right and happy.

 

Tis the season to be heartbroken.

I loved her. I still do. I know time heals. I know I'll get over you.

But denial - the most brutal of them all.

We would've been perfect (not perfect but it would've worked)

But she wasn't ready to accept this love. Not ready with herself. Confused. The AMBIGUITY.

Life is the unknown though. Who is really ever sure of themselves or of life itself.

 

Wow. the pain. nauseousness. the tears.

I'm considered one who doesn't cry and who is always strong for ppl.

But these unfinished tears, drop like a broken faucet.

Only for this ONE. Such genuine love - now gone.

Then I get a random text that night of the breakup that she'd never stop thinking of me.

Oh, how much it hurts to know, we could've but aren't anymore.

We could've been happy, but ...

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I've gotten the "I'll always love you" text... it really feels pretty patronizing when it's coming from someone who's with another.

 

Lol! God knows how many times I've heard that one. -- the only thing is, when it's a fresh wound, you actually believe it for the first few months.

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