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Dumper just broke NC!!


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Ex of 4.5 years broke with me a month ago because he wasn't sure I was the one anymore and isn't sure what he wants in life etc. We haven't had proper no contact until the last week so 7 days total including today of NC. I was feeling good! He called me tonight to say he misses me and wanted to see how I was going. He sounded really flat. I Asked if he was happy and was doing things with friends (he is on uni holidays) and he said yes but still doesn't sound like he is telling the truth.

 

Should I read into any if this? I kind of feel bad for the guy. He says he still feels like he is doing the right thing by being single which made me feel a bit sad and said lots of mates have tried to set up dates for him and we're checking out girls while they were out last weekend (why are you telling me?) which made me feel sad too but what can a girl do. He asked me if any guys had hit on me yet and I said it shouldn't be any concern to him because I don't want to know that about him although he just told me.

 

It kind of made me realise I don't miss him. What the heck! A few weeks ago I was distraught! I hope this isn't just a temporary high.

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No. Don't read into it and don't respond to anymore messages other than "I made a mistake and want to get back together."

 

He's just making sure you're still there for him as a safety net in case he ever changes his mind.

 

Here's a guide that will help you: link removed

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Just go back to NC. You've now learned that he doesn't want you back, but is trying to get you to boost his ego a bit so he feels better about dumping you. And never, ever let them put you into the same category of talking about girls the way they would with their drinking buddies. Also stop feeling bad for the guy, he dumped you remember? My guess is all those women he thought would be lining up to date him haven't materialized, so now he's sort of trying to slink back in the hopes you'll pump his spirits up. But breakups don't work like that and it's actually not your job to be his emotional bandaid.

 

Good on you for telling him it's none of his business when he wanted to know about any competition BTW, so not okay for him to ask you that.

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So should i ignore any other phone calls/messages unless it's about getting back together?

 

Yes. It's not up to you to make him feel better. He wanted to break up....feeling sad is his issue. That's a consequence. He lost that privilege when he broke up with you. If you talk to him you are in essence helping HIM through the breakup.nlet him call his buddies if he wants to feel better.

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So should i ignore any other phone calls/messages unless it's about getting back together?

 

Yep. You could state that too, "Don't call me unless you want to discuss getting back together, then we'll talk about it. Otherwise I really need to get on with my life and you do too. Best of luck." Then just maintain NC and heal and move on.

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So should i ignore any other phone calls/messages unless it's about getting back together?

 

This is HIS choice remember so there is no need to feel bad for him. He shouldn't really get to choose to dump you but still have you in his life how and when he wants. Especially when it is to tell you things you don't wish to hear.

 

If you want to heal then I would ignore him.

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Ok it sounds like he is still confused and having a hard time too letting you go 100%. I highly doubt its for an ego boost. But at any rate, still, with him being confused doesn’t HELP YOU. If I were you I wouldn’t answer none of his messages or calls unless he texts you with “I’m sorry I love you, can we talk?” type of response. It seems like he IS contacting you for selfish reasons…hes confused and every time he talks to you its like a “there there” pat on his back to ease the pain til one day he just quits calling you altogether. You don’t want that. You sticking to NC will help heal you quicker to where you wont even wanna answer any of calls regardless what the reason it is he is calling you. Also, that will give him a feel of actually losing you entirely which could possibly make him catch some snap if he was leaning to a “what if I made a mistake” type of mindset. Anyways, stick with NC and don’t settle for selfish calls/texts. Good luck! J

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Should I read into any if this? I kind of feel bad for the guy. He says he still feels like he is doing the right thing by being single which made me feel a bit sad

 

Don't. Never go back to someone because of pity, whether it's friendship or relationship. There's a reason you two broke up, there's a reason he can't find another girl, and there's a reason why he called you and is in desperation for a relationship. But that's not your problem, keep reminding yourself of that. Doesn't mean you have to be hostile either, just distant.

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Ugh, how annoying. I had an ex like that once. He started getting cold, and I ended up breaking it off as I could see he was losing interest. I cut him off totally, and somehow that made him really enthusiastic. He kept texting and e-mailing, and asking if I was seeing anybody. I told him it was none of his business and cut him back off again. Seriously!

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