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Hearing suicidal voices

drummer4life

By drummer4life
in Suicide & Self-Harm

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drummer4life Newbie

drummer4life

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Hi there,

 

I have been suffering from severe depression and PTSD for most of my life and have now recently been diagnosed with Psychotic Depression. I have been hearing voices and seeing delusions since May 2013. I was a inpatient in Aug 2013 for 3 weeks. I have now had another relapse where i have made 2 suicidal attempts recently. I have lost the will to live. All my dreams for my future have disappeared inside this dark tunnel. My local crisis team wont help me and think this is all to do with "attention seeking". My local crisis team have witnessed my episodes but they're choosing to ignore them. I have now been sectioned twice but was released soon as i got to the hospital. I really dont know what to do anymore. Everyone thinks i need to be admitted but the local crisis team wont listen and i dont know what to do anymore. I really have lost the will to live and i feel like i have no option but to listen to the voices who are telling me to commit suicide.

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JJ2980 Newbie

JJ2980

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My deepest condolences for your pain. I have a mother who has suffered from depression her whole life. She was diagnosed as manic depressive at one stage and then the diagnosis was changed to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It is a continuing struggle and she'll never be fully healed but I am glad to say she has more good days than bad. She's been institutionalised 3 times but that was years ago now when she was going through a rough patch for a 10 year period. She copes much better these days and has moments when she is very happy but her depression is always lurking in the background and she never knows when it might rear its head. She, by the way, had suicidal thoughts many times. I honestly believe the only reason she didn't do it is because of my sisters and I. Her incentive to live was her kids.

 

What helps you when you're feeling very low? Do you have things you love to do? Are there things that bring you joy? Aside from a healthy diet and exercise there are other things you can do to make your hard-fought battle an easier one. Are you on any prescribed medication? Do you see a therapist?

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SooSad33 Grand Master

SooSad33

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Hi Drummer,

 

I'm sorry to hear of your Depression/PTSD hitting so hard. I know it's not easy at times. I suffer with it as well.

I do not hear those voices, but I have done 'cutting' when a teen. Then was put away for almost 2 mos.

I know how hard it can be.. frustrating.. negative..challenging etc.

 

Like JJ asked.. I'm sure you're on some med's for it?

I'm not sure what it is, they've put you on, but sometimes, it could even be the med's they're giving you, which can lead you to this state.

I am on Cipralex for my anxiety and Elavil for depression and to help with sleep. Both seem to be doing okay.

Maybe you should look into this. Look up the name of the stuff they've got you on and see if it lists any risks like this.

 

Like I said, I understand how you feel. I've had a VERY rough year. I hit rock bottom again. Been put on med's again to try and get it under control and am back in counselling. Even had some group therapy.

 

I know it's a never ending battle.. it can get rough, but you have to keep going.. keep fighting it.

 

You're not alone.. okay.

Wish you the best

 

tc

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drummer4life Newbie

drummer4life

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Yes im on quetiapine 300mg. And i have been diagnosed with psychotic depression. To be honest everything i do seems like a chore at the moment. Even if it was things i once loved. I really dont know what to do. I am also homeless and trying to get housing sorted has put on extra stress. My mum is currently behind me 24/7 in my bnb but she triggers my voices but there is no one else who can look after me. My crisis team are really . I have now been taken off the crisis team as they think they cant help me. I know they can help me but they're choosing not to help me. I dont know what to do and my mum keeps guilt trapping me - telling me i dont care about her. Also since monday, the voices have been telling me that no one wants me alive. Everyone wants me dead.

 

Each day i believe the voices more and more. I feel like i have no option but to listen to them. I feel like the only way im going to stop hurting people is by not being here anymore.

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drummer4life Newbie

drummer4life

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I know that the voices are right because the other day he told me that the crisis team are not coming to see me and he was right. Bob is always right! The other voices tell me that I'm a failure. I know I'm a failure. Besides... it would be soo much better if I wasn't here. Just think, my mum wouldn't have to be behind me 24/7 and look after me. Everyone wouldn't have to feel ashamed that I'm mentally unwell. Life would be Soo much better. The world would be Soo much better. No more stress for my mum about me. My brother won't feel embarrassed. And my dad....well I don't give a about him so dont matter.... his the reason I'm in this mess. I'm Soo glad that I left home when I was 14.

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drummer4life Newbie

drummer4life

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Yep everyone is very aware. Even I went to private psychiatrist and he wrote a letter to my psychiatrist saying that I need to be admitted but she want listen. And everyone has been telling her. But the funny thing is... just over a month ago I was sectioned. My psychiatrist told me there was no beds. I got discharged the next day but I refused to leave until I got the help I needed. I bumped into this girl who has same diagnosis as me and she told me she was on the wards. She was feeling exactly the same as me - suicidal. She was admitted on the day I was discharged. Now I was thinking in my head I thought yesterday there were no beds so how comes she was admitted. So it just shows that they're choosing who to help and who to not help. Anyway that day they threatened me to call the police because I wouldn't leave so in the end I had to sleep in the AnE just to keep myself safe. I'm waiting in AnE now also.

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chitown9 Experienced

chitown9

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Oh...ok. I am in the USA and it sounds like the equvilent of an emergercy room in the USA. I am so sorry you are going through all this. It does not seem necessary that you are being forced to jump through all these hoops to get the care that you need. Please know that Bob is just a figment of your imagination. Stop listening to Bob, sweetheart. chi

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drummer4life Newbie

drummer4life

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Just got back from my appointment and went very well. Seeing her again next wed. In few weeks I'm hoping to meet the early interventions team and talk to them with my care coordinator. Today she said to me maybe their service is not right for me as its not full blown psychosis. But still going to make appointment and talk with them and then make a decision on whether to stay with the complex care team or the early interventions team.

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chitown9 Experienced

chitown9

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Just got back from my appointment and went very well. Seeing her again next wed. In few weeks I'm hoping to meet the early interventions team and talk to them with my care coordinator. Today she said to me maybe their service is not right for me as its not full blown psychosis. But still going to make appointment and talk with them and then make a decision on whether to stay with the complex care team or the early interventions team.

 

This is wonderful news!! Thank you so much for the update...will be checking in with you often chi

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