Ex Gf Reaches Out When Her Dad Gets Cancer

[boo700gs]

Am I stupid for wanting to gift her a $400 blender?

 

I have an ex-gf I am head over heels for who treated me very ****ty after a breakup but was reaching out to me for help/shoulder to cry on after I went NC with her for 2 months. The last time she contacted me on her own she was angry at me for not "being there for her." I thought it was a big ploy but it turns out her dad has cancer and is starting chemo.

 

I found this out after asking her to meet up in person. She wanted to do so immediately. Things felt different for sure, I was not as love-crazy but am still definitely in love with this girl. I enticed her to come back to my apt and we slept together, and she was horny as hell for me. She says her friends chewed her out for calling me because it sent me mixed messages and I told her the message is clear, you are confused and you need me right now. She seemed to nod to this. It made me feel like maybe there was no reason for me to be insecure/jealous about some of her actions in the past because maybe there is no other man in the picture otherwise surely she would be talking to him right?

 

Since then I have texted her a message or two every 3-4 days to check in with her and show her I care, because I do.

 

I want to know if I'm doing something really retarded and how I can hedge my stupidity and vulnerability. I texted her today that I got her something and to text me when she can come by to pick it up. She is curious to say the least. I bought her an expensive $400 blender because I believe in the power of drinking green smoothies and veggies and she has been very unhealthy and I think her dad's health can only be helped if he tries getting on a green smooothie program. This is something that she knows I'm passionate about and is a gift from the heart.

 

However, I question my own intentions. I love this girl but she is like a rock emotionally, and I don't know how much she really respects me. I am kind of hoping this will be a chance for us to get closer.

 

I've changed a lot since we broke up, gotten a high-paying job out of my master's program whereas my life was kind of in shambles durin the time we dated. I have my swag back am dating other women, got back into my hobbies etc etc. and I just want to keep my relationship options open with her. What do you guys think?

[Hopelessromant]

If I were you I would try to see it as a positive thing. I've heard stories of people coming back together when situations like this occur. It makes people realize how much they want and need that person. I would be careful though and ask her straight up what she wants out of this. It's sweet what you did and even if she doesn't want a relationship, I feel in the future she would regret it. Not any guy goes out of his way like that. You sound great and you deserve returned love.

[sharky988]

Wow..... I couldn't disagree more with the above post. I mean, just..... NO.

 

No to the Vitamix. No to the setting yourself up as her Plan B Emotional Safety Net Fallback guy while she looks for her next boyfriend....

 

No for meeting up and BEING THERE FOR HER while she gets to be "confused" and "undefined" in her feelings toward you....

 

No to giving her FWB sex -- IF you are, not sure from your post....

 

NO TO EVERYTHING!!!!!!

 

Dude, you are getting the CLASSIC Ambivalent Dumper treatment. It's CLASSIC: see almost every thread on this site written by members who DON'T stick to No Contact for more details!

 

She's playing you. She's using you. She's going to ride this pony and take every ounce of attention, affection, kindness, love, generosity, selflessness you've got to give..... UP UNTIL THE DAY SHE TELLS YOU SHE'S SEEING SOMEONE ELSE. Then you'll see just how much your *special friendship* means to her.

 

Listen, I'm all for green smoothies. And her dad's cancer is bad news -- no one deserves that. But SHE'LL BE JUST FINE without your shoulder to cry on.

 

You're doing everything wrong -- everything!!!

 

Her friends are right -- they KNOW she's not into you anymore! They're telling her to STOP leading you on and using you for her own selfish reasons!! But Miss Charming's doing it anyway and you're letting her.

 

You're NOT healing, you're NOT getting over this breakup.... and meanwhile you're only helping her to NOT miss you while she uses you to get over you! It's a lose/lose.

 

Stop being her doormat. Stop being her emotional tampon. Man up and RESPECT YOURSELF enough to walk away from this mess!!!

 

IF she ever changes her mind and wants you back.... guess what? She'll TELL YOU. That's what people do when they want to get back together. What she's doing to you now is USING YOU.... and soon she'll be using your blender as well.

 

Here's a guide to help you get a clue: link removed

 

Good luck!

[iam42]

how old are you both?

[boo700gs]

Can't help but see the truth in the post supporting and the post against this. Especially w/r to the friends chewing her out because they know she is using me...why else would they chew her out?

 

I'm 25 she's 26.

 

I never got answers from

Her about from our Last breakup and while I do want them I also don't want to bring back the well of bad emotions...really confused.

It's almost like I want to give the gift while at the same time

Expressing all the concerns raised above to her and see how she responds.

[QWit]

DO NOT GIVE HER THAT GIFT...She is using you.. You are putting yourself in a position of being a doormat.. she hurt you and now you want to give her a $400 dollar blender? ummm, no.. Keep that blender for yourself or take it back to the store.. If she wants you back, she will be putting in the work.. So, stop texting her majority of the time. Stop asking her to meet.. Stop being FWB with her.. and stop letting her run all over you.. She had no right to be angry at you because you went NC.. She dumped you so that's what she gets.. She is now coming with sob stories just to pull at your heartstrings because she knows you are still pinning for her.. Back away from her cause she is only intending on using you. If her friends see she is using you, then you more than likely need to listen..

[sharky988]

It's almost like I want to give the gift while at the same time

Expressing all the concerns raised above to her and see how she responds.

 

You offer up no-strings love and support to someone.... along with a $400 Vitamix..... and you WONDER HOW SHE'LL RESPOND?

 

She'd have to be a complete moron to tell you, "no, I'm just using you -- better take back this blender and don't take my calls anymore."

 

Seriously -- how likely do you think it is you're going to get an honest answer from her?

[iam42]

hmm - not sure that dealing with a parent's cancer is coming up with a sob story, as life experiences go. still, OP, your ex doesnt seem to be ready/wanting to rekindle. it doesn't seem wise to go into a full romantic pursuit under the guise of friendship. if you canand want be her friend, then do so. but leave it there, and know the potential risks to you.

[Twidom]

Sharky hit the spot so hard here. Unfortunately all he/she said it's true. Get out now She'll do fine on her own...