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How do I get rid of a toxic/clingy/needy friend?


bumblebee

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Hello, the title might sound inconsiderate or mean, but I am in desperate need of advice.

I have a friend with borderline personality disorder. We've been good friends for two years, but lately, this friendship has been completely draining me.

 

I am a very busy person with a very successful career, while my friend stays at home most of the days. He has no real occupation and he is jealous that I have worked hard to get a career, and depressed that he doesn't have a sense of purpose. I suggested him to try to do things that he likes, but he has no real intention to do so, and furthermore, he puts me down and tells me that I'm always going to be unhappy for being career oriented. He's also angry with me when I encourage him or when I try to cheer him up.

 

Furthermore, he is so needy/clingy, that he messages me all the time and is upset when I don't answer (even though I am actually busy out of my mind), and lately he's been aggressive towards me out of no reason at all, threatening to kill himself. Moreover, he likes me in a romantic sense, while I don't, and I made it clear to him. If a few days go by without talking to him, he thinks I'm going to leave, and just suffocates me.

 

I don't think I can take this friendship anymore, he's a great guy, but I feel utterly suffocated by his behavior, and even if I tried to explain this to him, he wouldn't listen, and he'd just blame me instead. (it's happened before) I get panic attacks every time he messages me because I'm scared that he will try to argue out of no reason, and lately I've been really mentally damaged because of a recent break up, so this is making me feel very, very uncomfortable.

 

Therefore, how should I let him go without being inconsiderate? Is it bad that I'm thinking this way?

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You just tell him -- you are done. That he is an energy vampire and you don't have time for his needs anymore.

And that you will not be returning his calls, or texting him.

 

The guy is not your problem. Your boundaries are your problem. Shut him off. He won't like it, but you need to worry about you, not him.

Panic attacks/stress over this guy --- nope. End it cleanly and clearly.

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Agree with mhowe. You are not responsible for this person in any way, shape or form. Just be honest with him and simply declare to him that you two cannot be friends and he needs to leave you alone.

 

He can get angry all he wants. If he lashes out at you, that is a threatening action and there is the option of getting an order of protection to have him cease his harassing contact and to leave you alone or he will answer to the court. In light of his abrasiveness, you do NOT need to tip toe around him. Be respectful, but stern.

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OMG! I was right where you are with a friend from high school a few years ago. I made two post about it "Friend's Wedding Fiasco" and "Friend's Wedding Fiasco Update" check them out if you are interested.

 

I am someone who hates confronting other people so I short of let the situation explode when I should have handled it better. Anyway, here is what you do, write him an email calmly explaining that you can no longer be a part of his life because XYZ. Then you block his email, phone number, and his FB. Anyway he has to contact you, you block.

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It's time for you to end the friendship.

 

He's a jealous creep and he's trying to breath your inner peace because of his own shortcomings.

 

He is INDEED a toxic friend.

 

 

It's time for you to end the friendship.

 

He's a jealous creep and he's trying to BREAK your inner peace because of his own shortcomings.

 

He is INDEED a toxic friend.

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