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very confused


hinderka

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Ok, so I met this guy about couple of months ago and we hooked up. It was supposed to be a one night stand thing but we talked for a while so I started liking him. We have been chatting very often ever since, hung out a lot with friends ( he is one of my closest friends circle at the moment) and we have also spent a lot of time just the two of us. We have slept together few times after the first time but we haven't now for about 3 weeks or so. Every time he invites me over to his flat to hang out we just end up talking or playing games but nothing really happens. I am confused about what is going on. We have gone out for a meal, on "dates" and it seems like he likes me but he is not very sure about what he wants. Another thing is that I know he's been chatting a lot to his ex, who is another country. I am worried he might still have feelings for her. So, since this has been going on for 2 months now and I don't know where we stand I was wondering should I ask him next time I see him alone how he feels about me or keep waiting and not pressure him. He is coming over with another friend during winter to where I live for a ski holiday, but since it's with somebody else as well I don't want things to be awkward. Truth is, I am also really worried that if I do ask him he will blow me off. So...any advice would be much appreciated. Thanks

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If you think it would be pressuring him to ask him what his intentions are then I think you have your answer. If you were comfortable enough to have intercourse with him then shouldn't you be comfortable enough to ask him what his intentions are? My sense is that since you gave him the impression that you were ok with casual sex he still has that impression. I also think he's probably dating other people and doesn't want to have sex with more than one person at a time because of the STD risk among other things.

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You are worried that if you ask him what is going on --- whatever "it" is will stop?

Then it is basically NOT a relationship. It is FWB --- with out a lot of benefits.

Going out to get something to eat --- is eating, not a date.

 

Anything that starts as FWB rarely moves up the ladder. You started as a hook up --- and now, not so much. And it even sounds like you are long distance?

 

Move on. It will go nowhere.

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Women often get this mentality that if they are honest with a guy about their feelings and ask where they stand, the guy will run away. I guess this does happen sometimes, so I get where that's coming from, but the ones that get "scared" or blow you off after that, really aren't the ones you want to be with anyway...

 

Be honest with him. say " hey, I like you... I'm interested in dating you...but I'm not sure where you at. I'm wondering if we can have a conversation about this. " Depending if you still wanna be friends with him you might " if you aren't in the same place as me, i won't be offended...we can still be friends...but i just want to clear this up so that i don't get hurt in the process because i am starting to like you in that way "...

 

Sometimes honesty is hard...but if he likes you, you will be so happy you got this conversation out of the way. It sounds like he may be hesitant for some reason with you...perhaps there is something going on with the ex or he's not in the right head space...who knows...don't take it personally if he doesn't wanna date you either because it could be timing or any number of things. Good luck!

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I think you should definitely talk to him about this. If you would be happy with just a friendship then make that clear to him as well so it's not a total loss. If a guy "runs away" and acts standoffish after you being honest about your feelings then it's probably best you just let it go and move on. You don't need that in your life anyway.

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