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Is this cheating?


pinkbunni3xz

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My bf and I have been going out for almost 7 months now. I've never gone through his stuff before but he left his phone behind today and I got curious. I honestly wasn't expecting anything, maybe just a couple messges from his girl-friends.

 

What I found was that he had an account on "Tinder". I've never used it before but I did see there were four messages. One said "Hey cutie, how are you?" the other 3 just said "Hello". I'm not 100% sure if he sent them because there was no reply. So I'm unsure if that was sent to him or he sent it. I'm pretty certain it was him though. "Hey cutie" message was from Aug..but the other 3 were all within the last week.

 

I'm debating whether or not I should even bring it up. I know at the certain point in a relationship, guys start to get bored and then starts messaging girls or looks at girls for whatever reason. I'm just wondering what's his intention with messaging those girls. "Harmless flirting", I don't even like that term. Is it too much to ask that a guy remain faithful and just be so into his woman that he doesn't seek attention from others?

Another reason I don't want to bring it up is because if I do, I'm pretty sure my relationship is on the line since there is an exchange of distrust. Me going through his phone and him messaging other chicks for whatever reason.

 

It would be nice to hear point of view from other men.

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Wow, so many things:

 

1. You snooped -- broke his trust. Wrong.

2. Guys to not "get bored and start messaging girls" at some point in a relationship. Unless they are 14.

3. Your relationship is on the line --- you have to confess the snooping, which means you don't trust him.

4. Men/women --- all the same advice....

 

He didn't cheat. Yet.

You don't trust him or you wouldn't have looked.

He won't trust you when you tell him you looked.

If you don't tell him and have to keep wondering what is going on --- trust is gone.

 

Basically, it's kind of over.

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Wow, so many things:

 

1. You snooped -- broke his trust. Wrong.

2. Guys to not "get bored and start messaging girls" at some point in a relationship. Unless they are 14.

3. Your relationship is on the line --- you have to confess the snooping, which means you don't trust him.

4. Men/women --- all the same advice....

 

He didn't cheat. Yet.

You don't trust him or you wouldn't have looked.

He won't trust you when you tell him you looked.

If you don't tell him and have to keep wondering what is going on --- trust is gone.

 

Basically, it's kind of over.

 

From a man's perspective, I agree with all of this.

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Wow, so many things:

 

1. You snooped -- broke his trust. Wrong.

2. Guys to not "get bored and start messaging girls" at some point in a relationship. Unless they are 14.

3. Your relationship is on the line --- you have to confess the snooping, which means you don't trust him.

4. Men/women --- all the same advice....

 

He didn't cheat. Yet.

You don't trust him or you wouldn't have looked.

He won't trust you when you tell him you looked.

If you don't tell him and have to keep wondering what is going on --- trust is gone.

 

Basically, it's kind of over.

 

Yup.

 

Let's put aside the snooping for a moment and pretend you found this account in some innocent way, the most important factor would be 1) When he created the account and 2) The last time he logged in. Since you found this right away and did not have to dig for it that tells me he has been using the account very recently. So, while he may not have cheated yet, he is probably looking to cheat.

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The only thing I'd say about this is that there is a chance nothing inappropriate is going on. A long time ago I signed up for a bunch of dating sites and I'm not sure I ever deleted all those accounts. It's possible people are sending me messages there but because they were for unpaid sites and it was just too much effort to track down a bunch of half-done profiles. Also, randomly the other day I was surfing the web and accidentally clicked on something and it took me to a hookup site of some kind. So if someone saw my history they might think I went there on purpose which I definitely did not. Could it be something like that that is going on here or is this something he has to actively participate in? I've never used Tinder.

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The only thing I'd say about this is that there is a chance nothing inappropriate is going on. A long time ago I signed up for a bunch of dating sites and I'm not sure I ever deleted all those accounts. It's possible people are sending me messages there but because they were for unpaid sites and it was just too much effort to track down a bunch of half-done profiles. Also, randomly the other day I was surfing the web and accidentally clicked on something and it took me to a hookup site of some kind. So if someone saw my history they might think I went there on purpose which I definitely did not. Could it be something like that that is going on here or is this something he has to actively participate in? I've never used Tinder.

 

Hello, It's pretty active because it was one of his running apps that he didn't exit on his phone. Plus he messaged 3 girls in the last week even if it was just "hello".

I'm not sure what his intention is but either way he's looking for some kind of attention. I also know for a fact that no one can message unless both parties have clicked "yes" on each other's profile.

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Sounds to me like he is bored in the relationship or isn't feeling desired and wants to feel desired. all in all, you haven't been together long and you have already had one bing hiccup in the relationship. You snooping was not good and you purely don't trust him. Stop living in a relationship where there is no foundation. Either you confront him about it a deal with a toxic relationship or move on. If he is looking for others, does that make you feel good? Is that respecting you? I doubt it and no, he isn't...nor are you respecting him by going into his phone. Your relationship sounds suffocating...and unhealthy.

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i just read some other posts about your relationship. This is not a healthy relationship and you both need to move on. it does not surprise me he is on other sites, as you guys fight a lot and he most likely does not see a future. Nor do I think you really see a future either and just like to be in this drama. If you want drama and toxicity and stay in it...but if you don't...then get out. Quite frankly from this post and your other ones, I think you will get the same advice...move on. With that being said, what additional validation do you need.

 

And if someone calls you names...why do you want to be around them... do you respect yourself at all?

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If there are other issues on top of this then I think it should be a wrap. I had a friend who was dating a guy who was a real jerk but she refused to acknowledge it until she caught him looking for other women online (I don't know the details of how she caught him). Maybe your guy isn't a jerk but if there are other issues then I think this should be your last straw.

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i just read some other posts about your relationship. This is not a healthy relationship and you both need to move on. it does not surprise me he is on other sites, as you guys fight a lot and he most likely does not see a future. Nor do I think you really see a future either and just like to be in this drama. If you want drama and toxicity and stay in it...but if you don't...then get out. Quite frankly from this post and your other ones, I think you will get the same advice...move on. With that being said, what additional validation do you need.

 

And if someone calls you names...why do you want to be around them... do you respect yourself at all?

Ugh, I didn't know the guy was a douche nozzle for OTHER reasons besides his sneaky little Tinder application.

 

Whether you snooped or not, that doesn't CHANGE the fact that he's looking to meet other females and you found proof of it. And who cares if you broke his 'trust' by snooping? He broke YOUR trust a long time ago, so who cares if this sneak can't trust you?

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