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Councilor has startled me


cryingalways

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My councilor has just done my head in. She has made me think about things I have never thought about from my past. My brother pushed me accidentally basically making me have a very bloody accident once and also my father kicked down the bathroom door when I was hiding from him and hit me-I have actually repressed the latter but my family told me about it-my councilor told me that as a child I might have thought these family members were trying to kill me. Woah!

 

I am a very panicky person and used to faint a lot from seeing anything to do with death and have also just come out of an emotionally abusive relationship, so she thinks that my childhood experiences have created these issues I have in my life.

 

I'm sort of blown away by that.

 

I don't know what to think I'm just a bit startled.

 

I also feel very alone and miss my ex terribly (the abusive one). I don't know if he will crawl back some day. I still live in hope he will (he dumped me). I am just feeling quite confused. I don't understand why he dumped me is all. He does not have anyone else. And he dumped me in a way where he was just saying bad things about me that I need to change. Didn't seem like he was dumping me, more like he was punishing me.

 

But it has been six weeks. I know I should just forget about him but I can't. I can't bare the thought that he's just not interested and has moved on. I suppose he wants me to feel that way though. To be as insecure as he was in the relationship (he was always scared I would leave him and was jealous of every man I was near). At least I haven't spoken to him for six weeks so he doesn't know how I'm feeling I guess. It's all such horrible mind games...but I just miss my friend. I want my friend back. I know he was a bad friend sometimes but we had so much in common, we were both scared of death a lot and had anxiety issues and I feel pointless without him

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So sorry to hear you are going through such a hard time.

 

Personally, I think that focusing on the past will not help, although I'm sure your therapist has good intention with wherenever he/she is taking you. My advice to you would be to focus on the here and now...what you do now, how you think now, the patterns you get into, will impact your future. If you want a happy hopeful future you need to focus on what you can truly do right now...

 

good luck to you...breakups are just awful...you CAN get through it.

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Thanks for your advice. I will try and focus on the now. I've just finished a job 1 and a half weeks ago so I have lots of time which is not helping me at all but I'm trying to get another job. I do want him back a lot. But I won't contact him. You are right though if I was busier I wouldn't be so fixated.

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What does OP mean? And yes I know my councilor is trying to make me deal with my childhood traumatic experiences so I can see why I was in the relationship. It was just quite scary the things she was implying. So it's prob best to not fixate on them right now seeing as I'm not in a great state anyway but to be aware of them.

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