Jump to content

Recommended Posts

I was in a 2.5-year relationship with a girl from USA.

We were college sweethearts and were each other’s first loves and first sexual partners.

I am from Dubai and she was from Oregon. We did a Year and 4 months of long distance.

We went through a lot of ups and downs during the long distance where she wanted to end it coz I was neglecting her etc. But we still loved each other blindly. She was always less busy than I was and hence felt more neglect. And the time difference was a huge factor in keeping in touch too. Never the less. We saw each other for 3-4 weeks every 3 months. She even visited my home and my family in Dubai and cried when she had to leave my home. She even messaged my mother on mother’s day thanking her for being there for her. Regardless of the ups and downs what we had was amazing and full of fun and other than neglect, we barely fought about anything, coz we were always on the same wavelength. I understood her more than she did herself. It was crazy.

But This summer we got extremely distant. Our attraction was almost nil and coupled with the fact that sex sometimes felt like a chore we were really on the brink. For three months we barely spoke. It was tough. I felt our love had gone to sleep. It hadn’t gone away, it was just dormant. Often in Long Distance its tough to keep the flame alive.

Then suddenly she moved to NYC. Where she was alone, so I asked my friends to help her out. They willingly obliged and helped her find a place and took her out etc. Now during this time, she kept telling me to come and said NYC would only be complete once I got there. But then at the same time claimed she wanted to explore and date other people. She was just in some state of deep confusion. The neglect she felt from my end was tough. We spoke when she had just moved to NYC and had some chilled conversations. Then suddenly she asked my if I was coming to USA for grad school next year. This was tough coz I hadn’t planned it yet and hence I said “no”. As soon as I said this, she said, “we're done. We are over” its like she flipped a switch. I then heard she had been chilling with some Middle Eastern fellow like me who was meant to be quite similar to me in personality and even in name, lets just call him “Jack”! She went out with this guy a lot and I feel she emotionally connected with him. I didn’t think much of it. But I was hurt she could flip switch with such ease especially since she was dying for me to visit her just a week ago.

I said that we deserve a face-to-face talk because we have been through so much and were such big part of each other’s lives. She said she didn’t want me to come and wanted to just break up cold turkey. But after a lot of convincing she agreed. I needed this; I really felt after 2 years its only fair to end face to face and not so abruptly. I think any long term relationship deserves a last face to face mature talk.

She allowed me to come. So I booked my tickets, she knew this. 4 days before I was meant to arrive she sleeps with Jack!! She calls me that night and says she had done this. I had never expected it especially since she knew I was coming. She said she felt no guilt for what she did coz “she had emotionally checked out and was already over me this summer” I was stunned. And like a I instantly forgave her and begged her to not see him again. She claimed she was blackout drunk. Also, This guy’s friend tells me she kept saying my name while she was sexing him and they had to stop mid way coz he was so turned off by that.

Anyways, she says she doesn’t want me to come anymore. But I had already booked my tickets and paid. I had no option. I went anyways. We spent the first three days together. At first she was unhappy to see me and there was a lot of tension in the air. But then she started falling back in love. She kept asking if breaking up was the right thing. I said it was. I could tell she still loved me. But we still broke up, coz I saw she had been dirty texting him while I was in NYC and she even messaged him “Bf is out of the picture you can come over anytime” . Horribly ty and shocking, especially since she was such a tender caring loving girlfriend. I couldn’t believe it.

She had to drop something off at my friends on Sunday the 14th of sept. So I met her, I had a hunch she had slept with this guy more than once, so I asked her, she said she slept with him in a bar bathroom two days after she slept with him the first time, even though she knew I was coming. I lost it. I told her im cutting her off and I never want to see her ever again and that she was disgusting and walked away without looking back.

The next day she said she needed to talk. I obliged. She wanted to hold my hand and wanted to hug me, but I didn’t let.. she broke down sobbing like I had never seen before. She Said she loved me and wanted to gain my trust back and kept asking for a second chance. I asked her to just not stab me again. We chilled all week, had sex, got a hotel room together! We even got a Tattoo of us on each other!!! It was crazy! Then we decide to not see each other for a week and that out of respect she would not contact Jack. She agreed to this.

Sunday, the 21st 2 days after our pact. I went to her house to pick up my and he was over there!! I couldn’t believe it! She says in front of him, “Im not doing anything wrong, we’ve been over for months.” When in reality we had broken up only a week ago!! So she broke our pact and lied about being over.

I just walked out of there. She went crazy that week, coz I was to leave for Dubai the next week for good. She sent me texts constantly and called my incessantly. She said she realized, I was all she wanted. She kept iteratating she needed me and can’t imagine life without me. She sent me 300 texts and called me 40 times. I didn’t respond to anything. She messaged me saying she was going to leave for the airport to say goodbye one last time coz she knew what flight I was on. I messaged her saying I was leaving another day. She went nuts, She started getting suicidal and saying she needs me bad. She asked if she were to end it would I even care. I didn’t respond to anything. She sent me emails, saying she was sorry and that I am the love of her life. And she’s willing to cut him out as long as id just talk to her. She said she wont be able to love again for months and that she can’t imagine loving anyone how she loved me. She was telling me how I am the most amazing person she knows etc. As much as I would have loved to get back with her I was scared to be stabbed again so I didn’t even respond. I took an immense toll coz I was dying to say bye to her, coz I don’t know when id see her again.

All I did before I left was send her a small email saying, I need time and that ill never forget the disrespect she has shown. She couldn’t bel. I left without even seeing her.

When I got back home, she didn’t contact me for a week. Then she started sending me snapchats. Then started liking facebook posts, instagram pics, and tagging me in old pics. She was doing all this to get my attention. After a month, she sends me an email, somewhat blaming me for making her cheat. Saying if I was there for her she wouldn’t have done this. And that I should have just let go of her so then she wouldn’t be a cheat. But she also keeps saying how she wants us to one day be best friends again and that she really cherishes our relationship etc and that she’s waiting for me to talk to her again.

Then she messaged me saying, she can’t stop thinking of me and still hasn’t moved on. She is still in this guy by the way. She messaged me asking if we can please talk.

After a week I g-chatted with her coz I felt week for some reason. We spoke and I showed care and showed I was affected. She wanted me to apologize for not letting her go and being neglectful in the past. But she doesn’t realize I came to USA to show I was sorry. I really lost my upper hand with that G chat conv.

 

After that conv. She liked some pics on facebook. Likes some instagram . Sent me some stuff on facebook thinking I would like. She messaged me twice saying “hii” and then after a few days saying, “hii” and that she was wafting to send me an email but wasn’t ready yet. And asked if I was ok. And now she hasn’t contacted me in two weeks or so. I don’t know what to do.

Funny enough to give you’ll some more context, her father cheats on her mother and she feels the pain and wants her mother to divorce him. But the same girl goes and cheats? Im shocked. I really don’t understand how she can sleep at night.

As for this guy, his ex- girlfriend of 7 years did the exact same thing to him, as my ex did to me. Where she suddenly just dropped him and cheated on him. But even though he has felt the pain of this first hand, he can be somewhat responsible for the same storm he went through? Also, he is just starting to talk to his ex again and misses her. But cant trust her to get back with her. This guy also knows most details about how she fully connived and cheated, but doesn’t seem to want to stop this madness.

As for me, I don’t know what to do anymore. I want her to squirm and feel sorry for what she did and stop ing this fella. Coz honestly, I cant ever be friends with her if she is ing him. I don’t know if I should email her telling her I Regret everything we had and I will be removing our tattoo and that she is dead to me. Or if I should jus tell her I love her and cherish our moments but I cant look at you the same way and its best for me that I never talk to you again. Also tell her she should remember her dad every time she s him and every time she looks at her tattoo that she should remember the pain she caused me coz that’s the same pain her dad caused her mom.

Or If I should just not say anything and just delete her off of everything. Cold turkey kind of.

The problem is, I have so much to say to her, coz I left without saying anything. So her mindset is still the same as when I left. I feel she hasn’t seen a huge dimension of this situation.

 

Also, do you think it’ll last with her and jack? Considering how it started?

I would love to reconnect with her one day coz she was a great girlfriend besides this situation. What’s the best way to make her repent and see what she’s lost?

 

Also, was it unfair for me to ask her for a face-to-face conversation even though she wanted to end it?

 

Thanks,

Chairs

Link to comment
Share on other sites

She wanted to end things, ended things. You refused to accept that, dragged things out, insisted on coming over (you really did not need a face to face given the distance). In a way, the day she told you it was over, she was free of you. Your refusal to accept it was a problem that lead to this mess. The practical reality is that she has moved on, gotten involved with another guy, yet you keep sticking around. It is confusing for you both, because really, when it's over, it's best to go cold turkey and quit talking, keeping in touch. Carrying on just prolongs the pain and causes confusion, but in the end, the result is the same. What you had ended.

 

My advice is go cold turkey. Block, delete, stop all forms of contact and simply move on with your life.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Simple - you don't reconnect. She broke up with you before she had sex with that other guy - its not cheating, though I understand how you emotionally feel it is.

A girl that loves you wont call you after she has sex with other men, that's just sick. If you take her back after that - she will always do stuff behind your back.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

there will always be somebody in a relationship that is mentally out of it first. Its up to that person to respect the other and then handle the situation with care and tenderness rather than just Jump around flaunting how over it they are and be so cold. It needs to transition out respectfully especially after sh eknew i was coming. Technically we wern't broken up until a week after i got there, regardless of in her mind she was over or not.

I find it infinitely disrespectful and callous

Link to comment
Share on other sites

She broke up with you. You wouldn't accept it and insisted on a face to face meeting. Doesn't mean she hadn't already given you notice, so this part of the "cheating" is a non issue.

 

 

 

Why shocking? She had already broken up with you. She asked you not to come. You had already booked and tickets were use or lose. Did she SAY she was "falling back in love" or are you presuming that from her compliance?

 

 

 

So you went from telling her how much she disgusted you to sleeping with her and getting a tattoo of her.

 

Overall - this is a mess. Sounds like you have more willpower than she does, so when you're pushy, she can't put up the resistance to stay away from you, and she's not completely ready to let go. At the same time? She has tried to tell you in words and actions that she's ready to move on from this relationship several times. You haven't listened. Then she weakens, gives in to you.

 

You didn't respect her initial wishes, or several of them along the way. She didn't stick by her guns and tell you over means over.

 

You both share some blame in the creation of this tangle. Cut your ties and your losses, and stop beating the dead horse of this relationship.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

to quote from emails she sent me after i got to america.

 

"Hi, I just want to let you know that I know we may never be able to have anything at this point, but it doesn't mean that I don't still want it. You are the love of my life. I know I say that I love you, but I'm not in love with you. I lie so much to you because I think if I say these things to you they'll become some sort of truth. I try to make myself believe that i have no feelings left for you, but I can't.

I love you more than I love anything in this world. I think about you more than I say I in my own head. I think that scared me. That someone could have such power of me and I felt so weak this summer.... "

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This above in bold is the only relevant part and the real message she is trying to get accross to you. She loves you like a brother, a cherished sibling, but she no longer sees you as a romantic partner. Everything else is confusing fluff and very much unfair to you because you are reading into it what you want to hear. Sadly, a lot of people out there believe that all this fluff is somehow better and letting someone down easy, when in reality it makes it that much harder and creates such a miserable mess for both.

 

I honestly think that you need to accept this for what it is and move on. No more contact, no more e-mails. The sooner you do that, the sooner you'll heal and be open to a woman who truly loves you and wants the same things in life as you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

“We're done. We are over” and “Bf is out of the picture you can come over anytime” should be enough for you to move on.

no matter what happened after - she broke up with you, and she had been seeing other men. don't ask her back and don't take her back. go no contact and move on.

good luck!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
×
×
  • Create New...