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If she asks for space, what does that mean?


apollo justice

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Hello,

 

My GF and I were fighting a lot for the past year, maybe once a week for a year or a year and a half. Some of it were my fault and some of it were her fault. I guess the last fight was the last straw for her as she went cold and ignored me for more than a week. when i asked her on what to do about this, she told me its up to me if i want to break up or continue or whatever, basically telling me to do what i want. I dug deeper then she says that she needs me, but just wants some space. i gave her space and its been a week since we last talked and there has been no attempt from my side or her side to text, email or just a fb message.

 

its been driving me crazy to not try to message her, cause i miss what we had. how long should i hold on before trying to contact her again? i don't want to appear needy but shes doesn't seem to miss me at all.

 

do you think by asking space from me, she basically is telling me its over, but she just doesn't want to say it directly to my face?

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if i recall correctly, the last fight that we has is about crushes. she was pissed at me one time so she said something about her crush in a status ( that he was so good looking and cool, etc), who is in the same line of work as her but not a facebook friend not sure if she was getting me to react to that but it sure worked, i felt disrespected since i believe that people in a relationship should be making that kind of post. so in order to get back at her, when we last went out, i joked that i liked one of her best friends and thinks she is cute and all. she got pissed and was cold to me for 3 days, and i confronted her about it. i told her i was joking (which is true) but she didn't believe it.

 

then hit the fan and old issues were brought up, like in the first 4 months of our relationship, she was drinking with a guy friend behind my back (just drinks according to her), and he met with guy who not a close friend but keeps bugging her to have sex ( according to her, nothing happened, he is not her type, but still) at a fast food to hand him her resume cause she was unemployed that time, and also when her ex arrived from abroad, she didn't have closure with her, so she met up with him without telling me just to talk. i found her fb messages to the guy and keeps asking him if they are still together keeps telling him she misses him. she never told me anything about this cause she didn;t want me to get mad. she claims that she never had any physical contact with these guys and its just talking, but only she knows what really happened, not me.

 

i tried to forgive and forget but it just made me verbally abusive to her. i also got kinda paranoid that if shes not texting, maybe she is flirting with some other dude. whenever we fight i really say something that i regret later on and keep bring up these old issues. it may seem that i lost the trust and respect for her, but i still love her thats why i didn't wanna break up

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It sounds like...this isn't a very healthy relationship and that it's based primarily on drama.

 

I would take this week of her not contacting you as some kind of test to see how much you care. To be honest...it will be hard...but I think you need to walk away from this. If you've been fighting off and on for a year...it's not going to get any easier. Do you really want to marry and have kids with someone who you have this kind of turbulent relationship with? How long do you want to keep doing this for?

 

I know it's hard to imagine being without her. That there isn't anyone else....and I'm in the same boat. I walked away from a drama filled 2 1/2 year relationship last month...I'm sad...I'm scared that I'll never meet anyone else...but seriously...sometimes..it's better to be alone than in a crappy relationship.

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Space is usually code for breaking up. I hate to say this but I don't think this would be the worst outcome here. You're not really happy in this are you? You say you miss what you had but a lot of what you had was senseless arguing. You're not going to change and neither is she (and neither of you should, unless you decide for yourself that there are positive changes you want to make). Each of you are who you are and it's causing fights in the relationship. I think it's time to take a long hard look at what you had with her and figure out if this isn't really for the best.

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i guess you have a point there. im used to flirting / meeting new ladies before i met her, but 3 years later, i've forgotten how to do it, and if ever we separate, i start out with nothing again. im not as outgoing as i used to so i guess im a bit afraid that i might not meet anyone else after her

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Space is usually code for breaking up. I hate to say this but I don't think this would be the worst outcome here. You're not really happy in this are you? You say you miss what you had but a lot of what you had was senseless arguing. You're not going to change and neither is she (and neither of you should, unless you decide for yourself that there are positive changes you want to make). Each of you are who you are and it's causing fights in the relationship. I think it's time to take a long hard look at what you had with her and figure out if this isn't really for the best.

 

im happy when im with her, when we go out on dates. sex is usually great too. its just my mind keeps racing when im not with her, especially if i didn't get a text for a whole afternoon. she has this thing of keeping things to herself which he did before because she didnt want me to get mad, so i dunno what she is doing

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