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Online dating - what guys have you met ? Is it possible to find sb decent?


quiddy

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I have been using online dating site pof since about June I think

 

Guy number 1 - 32 yo , Internet engineer

We messaged back and forth on pof for about 3 weeks , talking about loads of things, I liked his pic, was certainly my type. Gave me his number, his Facebook , wanted to meet up. We scheduled for Tuesday and on Monday texted he had to see his friend on Tuesday and asked abt Wednesday. I said ok. On Tuesday evening texted he messed up days and that was Wednesday he was to see his friend. I didn't text back. A month later text saying he had a dream we were hanging out. I had no idea who texted so I asked and he replied with his name. He said, sorry I did not text you but you are free only Tuesday / Wednesday and I usually have plans for these days...I didn't text back. He started messaging me on pof again and wanted to meet up. I said to myself, one last chance! He flaked again. So after like 3,5 months of contact from time to time I never met him. I see him on pof all the time.

 

Guy number 2 - 32 yo, office job

I liked his pictures. We messaged on pof few times. He wanted to meet up, sent me his number. We scheduled one day, he couldn't come, so we scheduled on Saturday afternoon at local bar as he lived not far away. Two days earlier i got a text, who is coming with me cos his 3 friends will come with him. I was like, what the hell is he thinking? Did not want to sit with him and his friends so had to ask my flatmate to go with me. He was there with one friend, another came later. It turned out he was totally not my type, he was bald. All his pics were in baseball cap or different hats and I had no idea. These guys were so boring that we only planned how to escape. Left after 1,5 hour. He texted twice later and wanted to meet up again but I said no. We got our own drinks.

 

Guy number 3 - 35 yo, office job

Same, I liked his pictures, his profile was decent. We messaged on pof but not too much. He wanted to meet up and we did after about a week I think. At least he had initiative and thought about a nice place to go to for an afternoon tea. Then we went to a bar for one drink. He was a really nice person, talked a lot but I felt no attraction whatsoever as he was about 15 kg heavier than his pictures. The date lasted abt 2 hours altogether. I texted later saying it was nice to meet him cos he really was a nice person and I felt bad. I have never seen him again. He paid for afternoon tea, I paid for drinks cos I wanted to.

 

Guy number 4 - 34 yo, some graphic design stuff

Started good, I liked his pictures, interesting profile. Apparently we had lots in common. We talked for a bit on pof then he texted few times asking abt my day. We met up and he wanted to go to a certain bar. Prices were ridiculous in there. Three times as high as at different bars. We talked a lot but for the whole time I couldn't relax, he asked questions and I felt I was at interview. He was really annoying. Really handsome guy though although wearing old jeans and old t-shirt, when you meet sb for the first time would be good to look decent. Then I said I wanted to go, about 2 hrs later I think. The bill came and he was out to the toilet. I grabbed the bill and paid cos I really wanted to escape. We walked towards the station and he said, if I knew you were paying I would have another cocktail. I was speechless !!! Ignored his text after the date.

 

Guy number 5 - 33 yo , self employed

Some may know the story from this forum as it was recent.

Liked his pic, liked his profile. He didnt want to message on pof at all. Gave me his number and wanted to meet up. We met up maybe like 6 days later. Really liked him, had great time, went to two bars in the evening, date lasted like 7 hrs. He wanted me to come over and I said no. Saw him few days later. And then he texted he was out of town for weekend going to the wedding. After that I found out he owned a house with his ex and apparently had a kid. Did not want to see him, but then changed my mind as I'm rarely attracted to anyone. We were hanging out for abt 1,5 month but as he only contacted me maybe twice a week to schedule next "date" and confirm and I never knew when I would see him again, plus he was giving me tons of excuses why we will not have much time to see each other for next two months I let him go. So stopped contact 2 weeks ago on Wednesday and his last text was on Sunday 1,5 week ago. He lied in his profile saying he was 32 and was 33, he only finished high school and said it was university, lied abt a kid too.

 

Is it possible to meet people who are decent, don't lie, are looking for a relationship ? Cos it seems to me that most of them just want a hook up and you can't really tell what they are about until later.

 

Share your guys stories please

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It really is a numbers game. There are men on there who aren't ready. There are men on there who are looking for sex.

 

Ex #1 from last year. Great guy, treated me great. SOOO was not my type. He has long salt and pepper hair, only wears Harley shirts, and visible tattoos on his arms (I have tats but they are hidden). Our first date was coffee which lasted 4 hours. For our second date he surprised me, only told me how to dress, then picked me up on a Saturday and told me to pick one of the amusement parks in our area. I saw past his type to the great guy he was, and became more attracted to him over time. But I wasn't ready, and pushed him away.

 

Ex #2 (the one that brought me to ena) from this year is another great guy, who unfortunately is only separated and not over his wife. He also has huge self esteem issues which caused us problems (his teenage sons walk all over him and he constantly misunderstood things I said jokingly). However, he is a great guy. Once he's over his wife, and IF he ever works on his confidence, he'll be awesome. Our first 2.5 months together were amazing. Six weeks in he took me to NYC to see Phantom of the Opera. At 10 weeks in is when we started having problems. He also took me to DC for 3 nights. We broke up once temporarily, and broke up again permanently in September.

 

Current guy I've been seeing for a month. No kids, wants kids (I want kids), most recent relationship is 2+ years ago so he's not pining away for an ex like my most recent ex is, has a good job, treats me well. Drives here (lives 45 minutes away) and always pays for our dates. Calls me daily.

 

All three good guys, all three from POF.

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Ugh... I have done the on line thing and I agree. It's a numbers game and there are a lot of guys just looking for either sex or just want to string women along for whatever reason. I am sure it's the same for the nice guys, too. I had two relationships from on line. One was POF. He was a super person, just really messed up emotionally. At 40, he had never had a real relationship. He just wasn't comfortable being in a relationship. The other was from match. We dated for a year and a half. It just didn't work out.

 

The last guy I was with I got with at a party. I must say, it's better to just meet naturally in life. But as I am older, it's harder. So I put my profile back out there but I can honestly say, of all the profiles, none look interesting. I am at the end of my rope.

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I have reluctantly tried the whole online thing. All the guys I met were totally normal and decent, yet they seem to "fade away". Here's the rundown of the guys I met:

 

Guy #1: 26, engineer. We started talking online, and quickly began texting and chatting on Facebook. The texting was constant - morning, noon and night for about two weeks since we lived about an hour away and I was tied up the next few weekends. We finally arranged a time to meet, and our first date ended up being a sleepover at his house since we apparently liked each other SO much. He picked me up, we went to his place, drank wine and made out on the couch for hours. We woke up, went for breakfast, and he wanted to continue hanging out. He seemed soo into me, we had a really nice time watching movies on the couch and cuddling. Once this date finished, he continued to text me constantly and expressed how much he wanted to see me again so we made a plan for the next weekend. Than out of the blue, he bails!!!! He apologized, we continued to talk and flirt via text...than he faded out. Never heard from him again. I was disappointed.

 

Guy #2: Engineer, 28. Started chatting online, and we met up the next day. We had a two hour lunch, a few glasses of wine, and had a great time. We kissed after the date. He immediately made a plan to see me again, so our next date was a few days later and he took me to the beach. We again had a great time hanging out, had a nice lunch, and we kissed on the beach all day. He was apparently very attracted to me from what he said. We drove back to his place and we had dinner and went in the hot tub. He kissed me on the whole drive home. Third date, we watched a movie, drank wine and had sex. Fourth date, we went for lunch and he seemed disengaged. Don't know what the hell happened. We just stopped speaking, I was yet again disappointed.

 

Guy #3: 26, works in the financial industry. We talked for about a week than we met up for drinks. He is VERY attractive, almost model material. We had great conversation over drinks, and we ended up kissing in the restaurant for like half an hour, we couldn't get our hands off each other. We met up again two days later and had dinner at a nice restaurant, than we went to see a movie. Again, had a great time. A few days later we went up to his vacation home for the weekend and he cooked me a very nice dinner. We talked all night, kissed, had sex, etc. This is still "in progress" so I guess I'll see what happens here...crossing fingers he doesn't fade out like the last two.

 

All in all...all three guys I met were totally normal, attractive guys and we all seem to have a connection but it never goes anywhere. I'm feeling frustrated.

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I looked on on line dating sites over a 5 year period, about 10 years ago now. I met over 100 men in person. Most were very nice/pleasant and a few were jerks. I emailed with hundreds and encountered many flaky types and liars (typically about age/marital status/education). I usually did one or two emails, one or two phone calls and then we met so it wasn't as huge a time commitment as compared to chatting/typing a lot before meeting. I never had a long term relationship through it but have two lasting platonic friendships -great people - and many of my friends met their spouses/long term partners through on line sites. It requires great screening skills ,a thick skin and a willingness to have a part time job situation at times. Good luck!

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