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First timer. My break up story. Reconciliation stories of hope?


Hopelessromant

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I know it's long but every comment would mean so much.

 

I was a little hesitant to write my story down but I think knowing people have gone through what I have, makes me feel so not alone.

 

Anyways, I've had about 3 relationships. I'm 21 years old but I have always taken my relationships seriously.

 

I fell in love with my ex a year ago. This time it was another level of closeness that neither of us had ever felt before. We both had horrible exes and we took each other completely seriously. We knew this was it. Undortunately, he came in my life at a time I was happy being single and wanted to focus on school and all that. Because of that I was a bit careless and we fought for silly reasons. I guess after a while we had a huge fight and things went downhill but we still wanted to be together. He would never want to leave. He even begged me to meet my mom and took my siblings out. I honestly have no idea what happened. If it was because fights caused distance or because things got "boring" and the usual. He freaked out and said I love you and care for you but it hurts that were like this now. We used to be so lovey dovey blabla. I guess he had given up. A week later (after a year of being together) he officially ended it although I knew he made up his mind when he said that.

 

It's been a month and a half since that day and I left gracefully. I didn't want to run after him and confirm his decision. We have had no contact. I don't want to sound cocky but I'm the "good girl" shy, all about school and family. He is the same too. I never cared for parties or single life and neither did he.

 

Our love was so deep that it was unexplainable. I know we both never experienced that before and we were very much in love. Even on the last few days he showed signs of love. And ofcourse looking back I am filled with regret and blame myself for stuff.

 

Anyways, for whatever reason this happened and I like to think it's for a purpose. But I also want the relationship back. Have you heard of stories of love finding it's way back? Is there hope that he will realize things, especially because I was the first girl he's ever felt this way for? How long does it take usually ? Please comment anything!

 

Ps, I'm not waiting around but I would hope we get a second chance

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A second chance with him? Have you tried to speak ? If not, give it a try. Maybe he wants you back to....

 

Reconciliation stories...I don't know any unfortunately. Usually it goes like this:

 

A wants B. B don't want A and moves on. A suffers to death and finally moves on. B wants A now that he has moved on. A does not want B anymore and they walk different ways (forever in most of the cases anyway).

 

If you really want him back, go talk to him. You might be surprised who knows...But as you said, focus on moving on. Don't hold on to hope. It's a venom that consumes you from the inside out. I speak from experience.

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Hi, welcome to ENA and I am very sorry for your pain right now, it is one I and most or all of us on these boards know all to well. It sounds to me that you are still trying to find who you are. I'm wondering- before him, how much time did you spend being single between each boyfriend? I ask because you say the single life is not for you, but have you ever enjoyed being single since you started dating? Being single between relationships, especially when you were in love, is very important for personal growth and so that future relationships can be healthier. It is never fun at first, but give yourself a few months and you may find yourself love being single. Just because you don't party, that doesn't mean you need to be tied down to someone. You are 21, spend some time exploring old hobbies or finding new ones, meeting new people, focusing on school and your goals, going out for a drink with the girls, etc. A "good girl" can be single and love it! But, how would you know if you love it or not, if you don't give it a chance? The first couple of months, as in, right now, you will hate it and want to rebound into something new, but give it some time and see where you are several months down the road.

 

As far as make-up stories go, people do make up and sometimes it works out. A buddy of mine broke up with his girl back in the 70's, they went there separate ways and eventually lost contact, she went on to do what she wanted (have a son, live in NYC) and he did his thing (got into drugs and went through several years of abuse followed by finally finding help). Back in 2002, after receiving some help for his alcohol addiction, he went to the library and sat on the computer for eight hours a day pouring through records and phone books looking for her, he finally found her after about a month of searching, and she ended up agreeing to a visit. Ten years later they are happier then they have ever been.

 

I tell that story because sometimes you are young and need time to do your own thing, you have life goals and you still need to discover who you are. You need a strong foundation of self before you can build a healthy and strong relationship with someone else. But that doesn't mean you will never end up together, you could find yourself back together in a year, or in 30 years, but just because you left each other now does not mean you will always be apart.

 

But for now, spend your time on you. Discover the single life and why it is so great, meet new people, go out on dates, go to the bar occasionally and grab a drink with your friends, pick up some new hobbies. Not having to check in with anyone is very freeing, so go out and enjoy that!

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I agree with Jennifer^....

 

It's been a month and half since you've spoken? Maybe now, you can give it a try and ask him if he'd like to meet for a drink & talk?

 

BUT- for your own SAKE.. you do need to sit back sometimes and do some figuring out about yourself and your life and what you want.. feel, etc.

It is HIGHLY suggested to take breaks in between relationships, for your own mentality and your injured heart. Sometimes it takes a few months to get over one who meant so much to you.

Takes a while to go thru those emotions and get yourself back together again and 'happy'.

 

Think about it.. this is YOUR life and you're still young.

 

tc

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Thank you so much for writing all this out for me. I usually wait a very long time before I date someone new. I can not think of giving someone else a try if I still have feelings for an ex. It usually takes me a year to fully feel okay.

 

You're right. I think he and I both have a lot of growing up to do. As much as he says he was ready, I did see things that he would probably do differently at let's say age 26.

 

I love being single when there isn't someone in the back of my mind. But I guess right now the thought of it bothers me. I am trying my best to go out and have a good time though.

 

I don't regret the break up too much because I knew we needed a break. I knew that our fights caused the love to be covered up by it. I felt like not having me there any more would make him realize a lot of things.

 

It went from his exs cheating on him to me. and I don't want to seem cliche because many people say he was different but I believe we were because of the comparison I have. It felt completely special

 

But I will do my best to discover myself and have faith!

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Hey thank you! It takes me a long time to get over someone because my heart is set on them fully. I take a year or so to move on and that's if someone comes to me and I feel chemistry with them. I don't really go looking for a new guy.

 

As for messaging him, I've thought about it but I feel like if he wants to, he will. He has the upper hand after all. I feel like it would ruin the progress I have made if I do.

 

I feel like the only good thing for me now is not know what he is up to ( many people check on fb and all that) and to live my life. And see what happens as time passes. I'd like him to contact me if he feels any regret

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Hey thank you for responding! I remember I held on to hope a few years ago with another guy but it stopped me from moving on. I was waiting for a text or something. I feel like now, I'm moving forward with my life but I have hope that our paths will cross. I think the break was good for us in many ways

 

I'm too afraid to reach out to him though and I feel like I want to be that girl that knows her worth and should be fought for.

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