Deja vu

[Crunknasty]

She broke up with me this time last year.

 

We got back together back in September....she came to me.

 

2 weeks ago asks for a little space, says we are moving too fast. Tells me that she wants to be where I'm at in the relationship, she just needs a few days to go home and cool down.

 

I agree, we said we would communicate more and if anything came up we would listen and respect each other...

 

Last week I wake up to multiple phone calls and texts from friends asking if she went in a vacation. I have no idea and am told to check Facebook.

 

I see pics of her with some dude she saw after we broke up last year. Keep in mind this dude is apparently an , she's told me, her sister, her friends, he always has multiple girls around and refers to them as es....oh and he also lives 2000 miles away...

 

She comes back.

 

I confront her. No apology, no remorse, as if nothing she had done was wrong.

 

I say I gave her the space she asked for and used my time to reflect and she used it to bang some a-hole.

 

She tells me that she doesn't love me but cares about me. I call BS and say that she stoped caring for me when she got the idea to get on that plane.

 

Now...3 weeks ago she knew I was moving for a job in a few months and she said she wanted to go with me.

 

2 days ago I get a phone call from a mutual friend saying that she is moving out there to be with him.

 

I confront her again, and she plays it off like its nothing. I remind her that she said we were moving too fast and needed to slow things down. Moving 2000 miles away all of a sudden do live with someone she hooked up with a few times isn't moving fast? She says it's none of my business. I tell her not to go. She's making a mistake. That whatever problems or issues she is going through won't just disappear by doing somthing drastic like this.

 

Haven't spoken to her since.

 

I never got any answers. No closure. Nothing. I had told her that after everything we have been through she wants to throw it all away? Nothing.

 

Mind. Blown.

 

But I'm not surprised. I'm not depressed. I'm sad, but sad for her. Someone agree with me that karma will come back hard on this. No one deserves to be treated like I was.

 

Also keep in mind that she was with someone for 3 months when she came to me wanting to be with me, we got back together, had a great time, and now she's with someone else....all in 7 weeks. I think she's lost, sad, confused.

 

I was her best friend, even after we broke up, I was still there for her from time to time.

I still love her and care about her. But that is some f'd up sh*t!

 

I believe in karma. I am a good honest person. I even fought for her this time and told her she was making a huge mistake. Even told her that we could use this to make us stronger. And I got shot down. But I tried.......

 

Crazy thing is. She just moved 2000 miles away. When I move, I will be 3 hours from where they live. I have this feeling that when things turn bad for her, she will try to come back again...and I won't be there...

 

Discuss...

[mhowe]

Nothing to discuss. Get off the merry-go-round.

Move and live your life. When she calls...not if...ignore or you will be the poster boy for "safety net" and she will hook up with you while she auditions the next guy.

[Mesemene]

Agree with this.

 

You're not a security blanket for her to run to when she needs an ego boost between adventures, and it sounds like that's how she's treating you.

 

You need to be someone's adventure, someone's focus - not just a sanctuary to run to for bruises and owies, so she can fling herself at another rebound. She's going to ping pong from guy to guy with breaks in between to recover. Don't be her break guy. Someone else will see you as their MAIN guy if you see yourself that way. And you're worth more than being a human band-aid.

[Crunknasty]

I agree completely with what y'all have said. I just feel dirty, used, and betrayed. Does anyone have any experience with something like this? I get the whole ping pong thing, but why is it me that she has to hurt? Granted I am actually doing pretty well. Talk about an eye opening experience. I've already forgiven her, she might not know it, but it makes it easier to sleep at night. But I would like the dagger to return to the source if you know what I mean.

[Mesemene]

As a general rule - I'd say most people I've seen that bounce around like this are never really happy. They're always looking for something they can't find and it drives them to never really be able to form a strong and healthy attachment. So in your private thoughts, you can pity her - while you're ready to have a real relationship when the right girl comes your way - odds are she'll throw away a lot of guys in her search for herself, and miss out on a lot of chances to love and be loved as a result.

 

Also keep in mind that she was with someone for 3 months when she came to me wanting to be with me, we got back together, had a great time, and now she's with someone else....all in 7 weeks.

 

Since she's unlikely to be with guy #3 for long either, that'll make all of you she's left in her wake. While it isn't necessarily a comforting thought, all of you may well be great guys - and you're not suffering alone.

[mhowe]

Don't worry @ the dagger returning to the source. Just put her in the rear view mirror and don't look back.

[Crunknasty]

I'm not looking back, but would still like the dagger to return. Honestly guys, she just move in with someone she barley knows....I'd like to think that's a horrible idea. Wouldn't y'all consider that to be rushing into things? Set up failure from the start? I know I need to just drop the hate and move on. And I am moving on just fine. I'm about to move to a new city with a great job and my future is looking great! What type of person just drops you and moves in with an old hook up and actually thinks that is going to work?

[mhowe]

I would consider that continuing to even think about her is a waste of time and energy.

 

You are not moving on. You are still thinking way too much about her life and how it is going to play out.

[Crunknasty]

I agree. But does anyone one have any experience with going rapidly from one relationship to the next? Or say moving in with someone all of a sudden?

[mhowe]

Again...you can call it a rebound, you can call it a hasty decision, you can call it a mistake.

What you should do...stop thinking about it. Because even if it is a mistake...and she comes looking for you...how could you ever trust her again?

[Crunknasty]

Again...you can call it a rebound, you can call it a hasty decision, you can call it a mistake.

What you should do...stop thinking about it. Because even if it is a mistake...and she comes looking for you...how could you ever trust her again?

 

I couldn't. I just have this empty feeling in me that won't go away. It's not as bad as last year, but I'm just sick of feeling this way. After all the sh*t I've put up with already. And I hate how I feel like it's my fault even though I know it's not.

[mhowe]

You are hurt...that is normal. And she is skating through it by already being with someone else.

She will have to pay the piper one day...and your slate will be.clean.

To us on your upcoming new life and opportunities... not on your past.

[Crunknasty]

I just hate that I'm in this position again. When she first came to me we agreed that we would communicate more and if there was a problem, no hard feelings. We knew this would take work.

Then 2 weeks ago after a concert she starts telling me all this stuff about how I'm too intense and that we need to slow down. I agreed. She told me I was too easy and that when I'm quiet it's unattractive and how she knew I chased her for almost a year and put up with all her and she just flat out said that I was complacent.

Honestly I don't see it. I didn't get lazy at all. And keep in mind that she was living 2 hours away so we only saw each other in the weekends. (Keep in mind, little do I know she is already planning to go out to California)

She put all the blame on me. All of it! I'm the one that changed while we were broken up. I got in shape, was more confident. She gained weight, drinks more, smokes now. She even told me a few months before we got back together that she was a mess!

The night I confronted her she told me she hated herself. I asked her why she thought that and she backtracked and said she didn't mean to say it.

Clearly she has a lot of internal issues and I've always known this but deep down I love her so much. She asked me why I wanted to be with her, I told her that it's because I know her, love her, despite all of her faults. I told her that I'm not perfect and there are things I can work on and that we should be able to work together as a team. I told her that at the first sign of a problem she shouldn't run, that we should push through together.

She had nothing to say...

I knew what I was getting into letting her back. Everyone was against me, friends, family...but I didn't listen. I guess you can say I've learned my lesson.

 

The s**tty thing is, I still care about her so much. I know she is going through a lot in her head from things she has told me. I just wish she wouldn't have run away...