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Abc90

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So I've really been trying to follow everyone's advice on here...I have a dating situation and don't know what I should do.

 

We went on a date two weeks ago, we had a lot of fun, at the end he gave me a kiss, and i left it at that. The next day he texted, I responded but it didn't really go too far. We stayed in contact a little more the next couple of days but he didn't ask me out again. So

I texted him and asked "so when do I get to see you again?" He responded, "when you become more consistent" that threw me off and he was basically saying I didn't show I was interested. So he basically made me ask him out.

 

He works overnight so we weren't able to meet up during the week. The next weekend I was out of town, so I wasn't able to see him. But everyday he texted me, good morning and we would have text conversations all day and he would always respond promptly. He would also text me at night while he was at work, asking me about my day and questions about myself. He was so attentive, I loved it.

 

So last Thursday rolls around and I notice that he isn't as responsive. I texted him good morning he didn't respond at all, I texted him again and he replied at around 6 that he could see me that nite. I said I couldn't, and asked him what he was up to. No response Till the next day at 1 when he asked me what I wanted to do that night. The next couple of hours He would take forever with his replies and made me plan the date.

 

We met up that night, it seemed to go fine. Afterwards we made out Im the parking lot just a lot of kissing, he got really handsy and I had to stop him multiple times. He asked me to go back to his place I said no (thanks ena!), me and himhad talked about this before that I wanted to wait to get to know guys better before intimacy. He seemed a lil annoyed and said I was relying on stereotypes and not giving him a chance.

 

I got home, and he texted if I got home ok. He said that he wished I could've kept him company, I said me too. He asked me to come over again that nite, I said no it was too soon. He replied with a "smh"...I asked him wat was wrong, he said it was nothing and he was calling it a night. I told him how much fun I had on the date, he didn't reply.

 

Saturday he didn't contact me at all. I texted him at 3, got a reply 3 hrs later.

I mentioned he was being inconsistent, like he had said to me. He asked me how, I told him, and asked why he was acting like that. he didn't reply until Sunday morning. He felt like I was judging him, I told him I wasn't. He said it was sad I felt like that because he had liked me. We worked it out and I tried to flirt and be cute all day Sunday but his responses were five hrs later for one text, and then 6 hrs later for the next.

 

He doesn't like me does he? The text response time wouldn't of been a big deal if he hadn't been SO attentive at first. He is acting soo uninterested now...I don't feel like I deserve that. I feel like he just wanted sex, but he had been so attentive before and had told me many times he wasn't that type of guy. What should I do????

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He's being manipulative. And he's projecting his mess onto you to own.

 

When he told you that you were being inconsistent, you needed ask him how and in concrete examples. Why was he texting you instead of calling you and talking to you? Texts are for getting out of having a protracted conversation because you can ignore them and get back to them when the time suits you, like he's doing.

 

And he's a good one to claim that you were judging him---what does calling someone "inconsistent" and getting annoyed when he knew full well that you said you weren't going to get intimate with him? He can dish it out, but he can't take it? How old is he?

 

You know what? Keep dating other guys. He's not serious. He wants some booty and then to be gone. If you never had a conversation with him that you were not looking for a roll in the hay, then he'd sort of would have a point. But he knows full well what was said... and part of trying to get what you want is not being able to get what you want when you want it, so the whole "I'm so sad because I liked you.." bs is just that: BS. It's manipulation designed to get you to do the chasing and give up the pink. So is the ignoring you. It's designed to put you off balance so that you're breaking your neck trying to accommodate him.

 

Now, if you want some booty, then have at it, but own up to what you're doing if it doesn't work the way you want it to. But you can't sex a guy into a relationship.

 

I'd tell him that on second thought, you two are looking for two different things at this time in your life and wish him well in his search.

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The question isn't whether he likes you. The question is - is this a good quality man who would be interested in a relationship with you that is healthy, fulfilling, and loving? From everything you said - I would guess no for several reasons:

 

So I texted him and asked "so when do I get to see you again?" He responded, "when you become more consistent" that threw me off and he was basically saying I didn't show I was interested. So he basically made me ask him out.

 

That's called a bait and switch. If it were me, I would have asked what is inconsistent in my behavior and then I would have explained - very nicely - that if he's interested, he knows how to get in touch with me. I would also say that I don't text - I get to know folks in person.

 

But everyday he texted me, good morning and we would have text conversations all day and he would always respond promptly. He would also text me at night while he was at work, asking me about my day and questions about myself. He was so attentive, I loved it.

 

Stop doing this. Texting is lazy and gives you a false sense of closeness with the other person. Want to get to know a man? Do it over the phone an in person and do it over a long period of time. He could be texting others while with you, so you don't really know his motivations or intentions.

 

So last Thursday rolls around and I notice that he isn't as responsive.

 

Also, when you don't text, you don't spend a bunch of time analyzing his text patterns looking for meaning.

 

Afterwards we made out Im the parking lot just a lot of kissing, he got really handsy and I had to stop him multiple times. He asked me to go back to his place I said no (thanks ena!), me and himhad talked about this before that I wanted to wait to get to know guys better before intimacy. He seemed a lil annoyed and said I was relying on stereotypes and not giving him a chance.

 

I would have been done with him after this. Seriously. Who cares if he's not responsive? He has shown you that he is more interested in your body than respecting your wishes and desires.

 

So again, is this a good quality man who would be interested in a relationship with you that is healthy, fulfilling, and loving? Nope. Then, Next!

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I feel like he just wanted sex, but he had been so attentive before and had told me many times he wasn't that type of guy. What should I do????

 

You feel like he just wants sex because he just wants sex. Who cares if he told you many times he wasn't "that type of guy"? If his words are inconsistent with his actions, judge by his actions. His actions (and, actually, his words as well) say he's a manipulative punk.

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Yep, he's very manipulative and only interested in your body. This is nothing to do with you, it's about him and the way he is.

 

Someone who wasn't 'that type of guy' wouldn't keep pressuring you to sleep with him, and would respect your desire to get to know him better before getting intimate. In fact, he might well want that for himself.

 

This guy isn't relationship material; he's using various subtle and not-so-subtle means to control you, and that means getting you into bed. If you have any doubts as to whether it would have been OK if only you'd slept with him, let yourself know that someone who loses interest because you won't have sex, would also have lost interest if you had.

 

Rather than worrying about his feelings for you, concentrate on your feelings for him. What qualities do you look for in a partner or friend? Do 'manipulative' 'pushy' and 'disrespectful' feature among them?

 

If not, just leave him be. If he wants to see you he won't sit there passively waiting for you to do all the organising. If you were the last one to send a text, do not send another one unless in reply to one of his. If he takes two days to get back to you, take a similar length of time to get back to him - don't be over-eager and falling over yourself to be with him, or this will just be letting him know it's OK to treat you like that.

 

Carry on dating, and hopefully you'll meet someone who's REALLY into you. Good luck!

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He's 26 and I'm 27....now that I can really think about it it's true that he never called me. It's so interesting because he was the first guy who gave me continuous " attention" and asked so many questions about me and my life, but he was the first guy who has never called me.

 

I think you guys were right about him being immature/manipulative. I thought for sure someone was going to say I should not have called him out for his lack of attention etc. and that it was too early for me to say anything because we were just dating and he owes me nothing. So thank you guys for that. I'm trying to learn to not be so dramatic early on, but I felt ok doing it because he had called me out for not giving him attention first. It's funny because I was, every time he texted me I responded promptly so I have no idea what he's talking about. I didn't chase him, I learned not to do that (thanks ENA!) but I made sure he knew I was interested and receptive. farther he called me out I made more of an effort to initiate more and that's when he stopped being consistent.

 

All the guys I've dated so far have always wanted to go further in the first/second dates. That's why I now refuse to go home with them/make out extensively. I've learned the hard way. This is the first time I've adopted this approach and I guess it's true that it weeds them out. Just sucks cuz I had really liked him and had hoped he had liked me too.

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I'm glad you are improving your filter(s). It takes practice, but with time you will be able to pre-screen and not have to deal with this type of behaviour as often. You will wisely nip it in the bud much earlier. Got get that crap detector in full working order.

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He texted me today and told me that he wanted to start over. He said that he was sorry for his actions towards me and that he would work make sure that he communicated with me better.

 

This all happened after I majorly backed off and wouldn't reply to the texts he sent me 8-9 hrs later.

 

So.....I don't know....???

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