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Slowly healing but need help


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Hi been looking at this forum for last month since my BU 1 month ago. Just want to write my story and receive advice from those who have been through similar. Its a long story but a lot has gone on. In january my girlfriend got abusive and on two occasions headbutted me. It turned out this was down to a bereavement in the family (father) at that time of year. We had been renting for 1 month at this point. I never considered leaving the relationship as i felt i was the one who would stand by her and be there with her through the recovery as her family didnt seem to be. Took her to doctors and diagnosed depression she opened up to me and let me know her past, told me things she hadnt anybody else. Come april she has a breakdown and tries to kill herself she was like a totally different person durig this episode. Once again i stood by her and along with her family we paid for councilling sessions. These appeared to work short term. We got a mortgage together and booked a holiday. During all this she was on the sick from work. On holiday we got friendly with a local couple who knew people in the hotel. Numbers exchanged. 1 week after we return my gf leaves me and books a holiday back to where we went saying she needs to sort her head out. This 2 half months after taking out mortgage. Even on holiday prior to meeting this couple she discussed marriage and everything. I find she has met and is dating a friend of the couple we met who can barely speak english and she knew for only 3 days on holiday. Im not going to lie i was no saint once we got mortgage as pressure was on me to make a living and provide as she couldnt face working with depression. When we got mortgage she made out she was better than she was and had went back to work left as soon as mortgage sorted. Debts built up and i was so completely naive! How can she move on so quickly when im here grasping at straws not being able to think of anything else. Now she wants to sell the house as she cant face me being in the house myself with other girls. In stressed and have taken to tablets to help me through. Sorry for the essay but im desperate for advice any will be helpful. I never done anything like this before. Thankyou

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First of all it takes two to make or break a relationship so do not blame yourself entirely for your breakup. Secondly, your ex didn't have the courage to tell you things weren't going the way she wanted them to in your relationship and instead of trying to work things out with you she took up with another man. Instead of overanalyzing what went wrong and where you think you failed, concentrate on moving past this and accepting that this relationship is over.

If you feel you could have handled some things differently in your past relationship, improve on those things for any future relationships you will have.

We must use past breakups to our advantage. We must use them as learning tools to better ourselves for our future relationships and for the future in general. They way we learn is through trial and error. We don't know right from wrong until it is proven not to have worked or to have worked very well.

Yes, breakups are hard but most of us live through it. And, believe it or not, most of us come out of terrible breakups a much better and definitely smarter, happier person.

If you feel you cannot handle the mortgage on your own, I would definitely consider selling or downsizing. Do whatever it is you have to do to make things easier for you both financially and emotionally.

Don't beat yourself up for being 'snappy' when she was unemployed. That is a lot of pressure for one person to be under, especially when taking on a new mortgage and adding a cheating partner to the mix.

Give yourself time and you will come to accept this breakup as one of the best things that could have happened to you.

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Just go straight no contact and start healing. I think your alot stronger than you know. Your gonna have your good days and your gonna have your bad days but just know you'll get closer to living without her everyday Then one morning your gonna wake up not interested in her anymore and happy I PROMISE!! STart healing and screw her! If it needs to be said she just might kick herself cuz it sounds like you were there for her alot. People work thru problems regardless how much of a d*ck a guy can be an how much of a b*tch a girl can be. So don't blame yourself. Jus take it day by day an you'll be good trust! Good luck! ((Hugs))

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Thank you for your replies i stated no contact once i realized she left the country. But need to sort out mortgage atm im a bit in a stand still situation as neither me nor wr family have any permanent address for hwr. So im left paying bills for us both. To make matters worse her friends who we met on holiday are getting involve as i didnt pay her mobile phone bill and now she has no way to contact them. Honestly cant get over the cheek! Thanks for your advice think im gonna sort it through solicitors.

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