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Going from friends to more


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Help! This time I'm really trying to make this work out.


So, my story is about a colleague of mine, whom I've known for some time, but we were never really close. This past month, we've been bonding quite a bit and I've set my sights on him, so to speak.

I'm not looking to jump in head first and I want to take it slow. The problem is I don't know how or even if I stand a chance. And, another issue with him is that a few months back, one of my friends used to like him. I haven't talked to her about this yet.


We've been teasing each other, but we also help one another out if needed. We're set to go on a "business trip" this weekend and he'll be going too (along with other colleagues).


How should I proceed?

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How you should proceed or IF you should proceed??

This is a coleague. You're working together, no? WHY would you want to get involved with a co worker is what i'd like to know.

So many ppl who do this.. within time, when it falls apart they're so messed up and really breaks them with the fact that they still have to goto work with them there.

ALWAYS thing again about this fact. Are you able to hide away if/when you two have your fallout?

Do YOU plan on 'moving on' from there at some point?


Caution, is all I have to say here.

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First, make sure nothing happened between your friend and him. Second, think about this. You work together and apparently are involved in the same project/tasks.


If you make a play for him or vice versa and it doesn't work out. How will you manage your work life?


It is a very tricky situation. If you worked at separate divisions and only see each other for lunch or some kind of social situation, then I'd say go for it. But dating someone that you actively see and deal with is very thin ice.


What is your company's policy for relationships? Is it only if either of you were a boss or supervisor or is it a strictly "no employee dating"?


I am thinking a bit logistically here. But I think these are important things to weigh.

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Ok, so it's not that big of a problem that we are colleagues. It's ok regarding the company. If it doesn't work out, it's not mandatory that we talk. I don't know how else to put it.

But I'm not even sure he likes me as more than a friend.


Also, there was nothing between that girl and him. She made a move on him, he didn't quite react and last summer he tried to get with her, but she'd already moved on.

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OP I would not pursue this guy at all. Sounds like chaos from every angle.


Some basic questions: Are you going for a hook-up or a serious relationship? Are you willing to risk your friendship with him? With her? Do you appreciate how rumors and back-channel conversations can change your job prospects?


Basic answers: If its just a hook-up, and the job is a casual, non-career position, then I guess you could opt for short-term gratification, but you WILL be creating some short-term chaos as well. With your friend, with the distractions at work, with people talking, with the guy. If its a long term thing and you want to BUILD on the friendship, then I would proceed VERY slowly.


I would have a soft conversation with him: Hey, did you ever think about... ? That way you can back away without making your friendship uncomfortable.


When you take heat for this afterwards, be prepared to take responsibility for what you did. Lots of people will have an opinion about whether you should have gone off to the bar just the two of you, whether either one of you made it back to your own rooms, whether your friend knows. They will talk even if nothing happened, because that is what people do.


I would stay away, but that is not your question. You don't sxxt where you eat. Just sayin.

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