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help, please give me any advice that you can I cant sleep, I cant eat I am exhas


behnambehnam

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After 3 years we broke up 2 weeks ago. She left the country. I am in so much pain you ant imagine. I can't sleep. I am shaking.

 

We were fighting all the time and EVERYTHING was irritating her. It was not fun anymore. I thought a change is th eonly way that MAY make things work later.

 

She doesnt talk to me anymore. It was better. We spoke on Skype until last week but suddenly she stopped! She is so mean and offensive now.

 

I don't know why. I am dieing everyday. I go out with other girls and I think about her.

 

I can't eat or sleep. I cant think about her being with someone else.

 

Please help me.

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Best advice. Don't date.

 

Hang out with friends, sign up for sports/clubs/groups/tournaments/leagues/etc.

 

It's been two weeks. It takes time to let go. Time to create your own independent routine. The relationship is over now, focus on the current situation, not the past, and no the "what-if" future.

 

Sometimes it takes months. It's never going to be a light-switch. It's going to be a gradual process.

 

I recommend trying stuff you've always wanted to do. That way you have activities to look forward to.

 

Also, I recommend cutting any contact with her. Assuming there is no obligation on your part to keep in touch. Like rent payments, bills, loans, etc. if so, then when you do talk focus squarely on the business of taken care of those bills and not on the relationship or feelings. End the conversation if she tries to pull you towards that.

 

No contact is the best way to remove her from your thoughts. That includes her facebook page and any other social media.

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Not being able to eat or sleep very much is pretty normal so soon after a breakup, unfortunately.

 

In time, your appetite will start to come back and eventually your sleeping will normalize too, but it could be a few months before this happens.

 

As CatchersRye says above, it's much better for you that you're not communicating with her anymore -- and you should also block her on Facebook and all other social media sites so you're not tempted to follow her life online or post anywhere to try and communicate with her. I also agree it's much, much too soon to be dating and it's only going to make you feel worse right now.

 

Here's a really good guide written by a member here that will help you: link removed

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I was like you too op. First 3 days i couldnt eat. I had to force myself to finish half a bread and even that makes me sick. I was dizzy, weak, and my hands were shaking. I was already afraid for myself. Thinking about losing him made me literally sick to the stomach, i vomit.

 

What you need to do is try to eat as much as you can. Keep it down. I guarantee you everyday it will be better. Im on my 6th day of no contact and my i can eat now and i can feel hunger now too. I think our bodies goes into a state of shock that's why we cant eat. But you will eventually accept it. Just pray, cry, and read some stuff here in ena. It really helped me.

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I keep in touch with her. She tells me she misses me too.

I know she loves me too, she says it.

Now shes says I am loosing control so we should stop talking.

 

my ex said the same thing to me. actions speak louder than words. just because she loves and misses you too doesn't mean she wants to be with you. it's hard to accept, i know. we look for little signs of hope. but i guarantee you will not hear the words "i want you back" or anything similar.

 

i lost control, trust me, you don't want to go there.

 

listen to her. stop talking to her. i really wish i took everyone's advice when they kept on telling me to stop contacting my ex. no joke, i lost it and i hit rock bottom. it's no fun place to be.

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I know exactly what you're going through. I'm on 6 weeks NC and I still don't eat right. The first week I could really barely eat. I've lost a stone. My ex and I used to love eating nice foods together, it was what we did. I was planning on cooking a nice meal for us when he dumped me. I don't know if this will help you but eat foods that they didn't like.

 

That helped me when I was really down. Or get into a new type of food that you didn't eat together. Sleep should settle down in a week or two. I just used to cry all the time (hence the name)I thought I was never going to stop doing that. Now I still cry pretty often but I have gone for a few days without crying and I sleep a lot better. I'm still completely obsessed with my ex and if he will ever call but I am a lot more used to dealing with this now. You adapt my friend to survive. And if they want to talk to you one day well what's worrying about it going to do to help that? Not a lot.

 

We have the easier path in some ways, being dumped. We just have to deal with it. They, on the other hand have the options running through their mind of whether they made the right choice. That's probably the best way to look at it!

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You can do it. You seem like a nice guy. Just give each other space for now. And in the meantime, work on yourself.

Forceyourself to be okay. Tell yourself you can do it. You were whole before her, you will be whole again.

Fix yourself so you can fix your relationship. She wont take you back if your an emotional wreck.

Just focus on yourself first, work out, eat right, go out. I know it's hard. Ive been there too. It's been 8days of NC for me. I was dumped too. And everyday, im getting better.

I just think, why would i want to be with someone who doesnt like me. Give it time, our dumper might come around after a couple of weeks. If not, you'll be fine by then. They might take long for hem to realize what their missing. But they wont miss us if we dont make outselves scarce. And they wont like us agqin if we're a wreck.

Dont give up hope. They'll miss us.

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You have to cut contact with her. Staying in touch and losing her affected your work, I believe.

 

You have to set short term goals that do not include her or relate to getting her back.

 

You have to focus on your own needs. Like finding a job. Focus on that, review your resume, have someone review it for you, practice your elevator speech describing what you know, what you can do, and what you want to do.

 

In order to find a job, you need to be able to promote yourself. No one else will. Staying in contact with her will weaken your efforts.

 

I also recommend removing or hiding anything of hers or that reminds you have her. You can do THIS!

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  • 2 weeks later...

Talking to her calms me down. She misses me and she is miserable. Having a plan to get her back gives me peace and I eat and sleep!

 

 

We chat now. She tells me:

 

====================================

"she is so unhappy, much to let go of, it's a hard, it's getting worse, your time was th best because I was naive and had hope, I just have to accept, but that process is really painful and disappointing.

 

I love you and miss you and am angry and upset w u at the same time,

 

What a mess. Crying and can't stop. I want things to get better,,,they keep getting worse.

====================================

 

I miss her so much too. I want her back but she also tells me she wasnt happy with me at the end. What is going on? What are the chances of her meeting anyone like this?

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Talking to her calms me down. She misses me and she is miserable. Having a plan to get her back gives me peace and I eat and sleep!

 

 

We chat now. She tells me:

 

====================================

"she is so unhappy, much to let go of, it's a hard, it's getting worse, your time was th best because I was naive and had hope, I just have to accept, but that process is really painful and disappointing.

 

I love you and miss you and am angry and upset w u at the same time,

 

What a mess. Crying and can't stop. I want things to get better,,,they keep getting worse.

====================================

 

I miss her so much too. I want her back but she also tells me she wasnt happy with me at the end. What is going on? What are the chances of her meeting anyone like this?

 

People on this forum advocate for no contact for a reason! Staying in contact and keeping her in your thoughts will drown you.

 

The only reason she is in contact with you is so she can use you as a support crutch. It's like a smoker using nicotine to slowly weed off the cravings.

 

She told you she wasn't happy near the end of the relationship. That means she's not likely to want that back.

 

Would you want to be in a relationship that you weren't happy in?

 

You have to focus on other things! If you don't, then you are fooling yourself by talking to her. You are stuck in a loop of grief. If anything, I'd say you are in denial of there being a chance of reconciliation.

 

What have you done to find a new job?

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People on this forum advocate for no contact for a reason! Staying in contact and keeping her in your thoughts will drown you.

 

The only reason she is in contact with you is so she can use you as a support crutch. It's like a smoker using nicotine to slowly weed off the cravings.

 

She told you she wasn't happy near the end of the relationship. That means she's not likely to want that back.

 

Would you want to be in a relationship that you weren't happy in?

 

You have to focus on other things! If you don't, then you are fooling yourself by talking to her. You are stuck in a loop of grief. If anything, I'd say you are in denial of there being a chance of reconciliation.

 

What have you done to find a new job?

I have been going for interviews. I have money saved for next 15 months even if I dont do anything, not that I am planning on sitting home and not doing anything. I am a bit relaxed about that. But working is GOOD for me and I know it. I am a teacher, may not be good for me to teach

 

You said "The only reason she is in contact with you is so she can use you as a support crutch. It's like a smoker using nicotine to slowly weed off the cravings."

 

How do you know the only reason is that?????Do you know her??? Is every relationship the same as the other one? Also maybe I am doing the same thing? Slowly slowly letting go? I wasnt happy either.

 

O life!!!!

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You are fighting all the time and everything annoys her. She tells you she misses you but doesnt want to be with you.

 

I think she doesnt love you that much. That's why she is always irritated. If she really loves you she will want to be with you. She will want to fix your relationship. She misses you now because you are familiar to her. She will of miss having you around. But she doesnt really love you that much.

 

She is trying to wean herself off you. That's why she is sending you breadcrumbs, cause she wants you around until she has completely adjusted to being single.

 

What you can do is to stop contacting her. That will give her an idea of what it is being without you. I know it's hard but the key to healing is wanting to be healed. I was like you before. Couldnt eat, sleep, move. But i was in so much pain that i desperately wanted to be healed right away. I talked to myself that i can do it. I forced him out of my mind. When that doeosnt work, i write all the reasons why i dont like him, why the relationship wouldnt work.

 

They left us! How dare them! We deserve someone who will stay with us and fight for us. In the future, they might leave us again. They have no loyalty.

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I lost my job today.

I am so ed up.

I cant breath.

Help me.

 

Listen bro. First thing if u wanna cry. Cry till u r tired. If u don't wanna eat try as much as u can eat then forget it. If u ever wanted to loose weight probably eating less will give u a chance to naturally reduce ur diet.

Apart from these two things, don't do anything to affect u negatively at all. Like don't go into a phase where u don't give a damn about job, friends, relatives, or your life. Cause then u will blame ur break up for ur failure which will further shatter u. U have to try and be calm inside, if not now, probably jus mentally decide that u will be calm from the inside some point of time cause u will.

 

going out with friends, new hobbies are the common things one does but I guess that doesn't help u much.

 

Don't spend everyday as if u r jus surviving. I know the pain will make u feel that way.

Ur mind has to take control of ur heart as soon as possible. It will help u emotionally and also probably other problems in life might get sorted and not screwed.

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You said "The only reason she is in contact with you is so she can use you as a support crutch. It's like a smoker using nicotine to slowly weed off the cravings."

 

How do you know the only reason is that?????Do you know her??? Is every relationship the same as the other one? Also maybe I am doing the same thing? Slowly slowly letting go? I wasnt happy either.

 

O life!!!!

 

It's a common action either gender takes to transition to their new status. I don't know that, but it's usually an unconscious choice.

 

No relationship is the same. Similar traits and behaviors. But not the same.

 

It just doesn't sound like you are using her as a crutch, it very much sounds like you are unable to move past it.

 

I didn't realize you were the one that broke up. So why do you feel so terrible? Why did you make that choice?

 

It's common for even the dumper to experience pain and grief. Both partners have to learn to accept the absence of the other. It's hard, but it's possible.

 

So what have you done recently that you wanted to do? Have you set any type of short-term goals?

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