Jump to content

Would you be ok with this?


Flower2013

Recommended Posts

Having devoted myself to the same person since I was 18, I recently found out that he was meeting up with his ex behind my back for a couple of months bout a year into our relationship. He maintains nothing physical ever happened, but there was alot of flirting / texting / calling / meeting up. Apparently, he was only doing it for the attention and nothing was ever going to happen on his end, and he admits he was an idiot. To be honest, I feel heartbroken.

 

We met at college, and our homes are about 200 miles away so I suppose that's how he was able to get away with it. I feel like it is such a betrayal. Granted he told me about it now, I kind of feel like I'm expected just to forgive and forget because it was such a long time ago. I don't know what to do, I need help

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks again for the replies - this is what bothers me...I think he purposely kept it to himself for such a long time so as to minimise what he did - i had queried his relationship with her when we were together around a year or two, and he dismissed it - even though that would have been the point that they were meeting up. He had her name down as a 'John' in his phone in case I noticed what was going on...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I would be more concerned as to a) why he's telling you now (if it really is "guilt" why did he not tell you 8 years ago? Why wait 10?) and also, b) why it's taken 10 years for him to propose. Does he feel like this is the "next step" in your relationship (as opposed to: "This is the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with and I want to seal the deal.") Why hasn't he proposed sooner?

 

I am of the belief that when someone knows you're the one, it doesn't take 10 years to propose. I can understand waiting 5 years when you meet young (before 22)....but after that...what's the hesitation?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think I could trust him again - he didn't have to tell me it happened, and while it was hard to hear, I did appreciate his honesty. The problem is though, he wasn't honest about it until now & that feels a bit cynical to me. Like I said, I have a feeling he felt it was ok to tell me now because we've been together for so long, so to him, he probably thinks it's not a big enough reason to break up...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well, until I read your last post, I had a different response formulated, and was going to give the dude the benefit of the doubt. We all like attention, after all.

 

The name change in the phone trick signifies a deliberate attempt to mislead and conceal. Which is a big, huge, gigantic red flag for me, personally.

 

Definitely a conversation needs to be had; and boundaries established. What you do from there... well, I think time will tell.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It really depends on the nature of your relationship today and how compatible and well suited you feel you are for each other. Has he ever betrayed you before? Did you trust him before you found this out? It’s healthy and normal to feel upset and feel the trust in the relationship has been broken. It will take time to get over this and heal. However, if he is a good solid man and a good fit for you, you may want to forgive and consider giving him another chance making sure the lines of communication are always open and you begin to built trust again and develop a healthy relationship.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...