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How im getting over the dumper...fast


communicationk

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Hi,

 

This may not work for all, but its working for me faster than I thought and I'm sure it will for some.

 

So I did all the advice from all the threads around (NC, going out/talking with friends/family, doing things you enjoy, keeping busy etc.) and although they work when your busy doing those things, when I get home or alone I start thinking of the dumper again.

 

So I took myself to a really nice park around my town brought water, pen, paper (bring what ever else you consume for 1-3 hours).

Rather than making a dot point list of the things that went wrong with what you and the dumper, I wrote down my thoughts as they come to my head in sentence format. These thoughts include how I feel about the dumper, how I feel about the relationship, what the dumper did wrong during the relationship, what I did wrong, how I feel about the future (without the dumper), how the breakup went, what was said to each other than signaled we were falling apart.

 

You need to be truthful with yourself, find the negatives... they are there. Positive things wont help you out much.

 

I also wrote things like "I need to move on now...", "I'm worth more...", "The dumber will realize one day what they gave up...", "I need to follow my dreams/passions in life...".

 

I ended up writing over 6 pages and read what I wrote about 3 times.

 

At some point you will have nothing else to write, give it a few minutes then start thinking again and write.

 

After I was done I took the pages before I left the park, ripped and scrunched them up and threw them in the nearest bin.

 

This has worked wonders, my mind is no longer thinking the same thoughts again and again. I've done this twice now and feel so much better! I plan on doing this again tomorrow.

 

The first time I wrote was totally different than the second time and I believe the third will be different again.

 

My dumper had more negatives than I thought in the relationship. Even if you did something majorly wrong in the relationship (cheating, fights) I think you will realize soon that the relationship was not going well and although it could have been repaired its too late.

 

Try it, you have nothing to lose.

 

Good luck!

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Good advice. I have paaaaaages of notes. The more positive ones, I have set as reminders on my phone to pop up throughout the day, which really helps. I also started another page just to write down what I can learn from this.

I will take your advice and throw out the sad pages soon...but I will be keeping the positive ones to read when I need to.

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This is great advice. I have literally been keeping a break-up diary, where I keep all of my thoughts on my ex, the relationship, how it ended, what went wrong, what I would say to him...literally everything that springs to my mind goes into that diary. It keeps me from talking to him and lets me clear my head and progress forwards.

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I have a small book here with me and I began writing thoughts of what i'd like to say to him.. i'd write and write each day with all of these 'thoughts'. This was back 5 months ago or more. The book is now pretty much full.

It did me some good to 'getit out'. Trying to free the mind of some jumbled up crap going on and on.

Affecting my sleep as well.

 

Lately, I've layed off the book, not writing as much.. only bits & pieces now. I have also taken picture quotes off FB, printed them off - many sayings- and put all of them in a binder (about relationships etc).

And that is MINE. Shows many emotions & i'm glad i did that- for me.

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