I'm a crappy friend

[Katiebaby]

Hi guys!

 

Feeling pretty down in the dumps about my oldest friend's baby shower coming up. Have been close mates since we were little kids, we're both 29 now. She has been trying for a baby for years, done 4 lots of IVF and gotten pregnant so it's a big deal to her.

She's announced her baby shower and it's being held a week before Christmas!!

Freaking out already as I hate her friends (pack of beauty queens, snooty es that I find incredibly intimidating) so as if that wasn't enough I've been off work unpaid for 6 weeks with an injury so am living off a credit card. Not having Christmas this year at home, just buying for family that we absolutely have to as we simply can't afford it!

I don't know what to do, I can't stomach her friends as they just about give me an anxiety attack (I'm no beauty queen!) so If I went I don't think I could stay long anyway. Should I catch up with her another time maybe prior to the baby shower or go but make a dash for it early?

I'm sure I could buy her something cheap but it would have to go on the credit card, but don't know how work would take me asking for a day off that close to Chrissy when it's taken me three months to get a contract...

Freaking out as I would really, really rather not go and can't afford it either but feel I am obligated to be there and I am being a horrible selfish person if I don't go. Can't fathom why the week before Christmas would be a good time to throw a baby shower when everyone is struggling to afford Christmas presents and now we have to cough up for baby stuff too

[pippy longstocking]

I have to be honest with you , this baby shower malarky is a bag of crap ..we have never had this in the uk and now its starting to happen here ..

 

I cannot think of anything worse than sat with a load of women gaggling and cackling on about babies and the expectation of presents ....and opening them all and oooing and arrrring ...

 

 

aarrghhhhhhhhhhhh

 

don't go if it makes you feel like that .

 

 

ps ...I think this makes me a crappier friend than you

[Katiebaby]

Totally agree with you, not a fan of babies as it is, and find baby showers to be painful! I had to MC at one this year as the two girls that were helping me conveniently dropped out on the day. I am going to have to go and make an appearance but REAAAALLLY am not impressed with the idea! That and financially I'm up the river without a paddle at the moment!

[alli]

You could send her a congratulatory card as well as some self-made certificates for a couple "free nights of babysitting". Say something like you are so happy for her and regret that you can't attend. And that you know she probably won't want to leave that baby's side anytime in the next 10 years but the tickets don't expire!

 

While they won't be "redeemed" anytime soon, it won't cost you anything unless you have to take off work when you actually watch the baby and you don't have to charge anything on your credit card.

[itsallgrand]

I think you should go if it is a dear friend to you, and it means something to her.

 

I'm not one for baby showers either. Usually. Special circumstances though; like a dear friend, you won't regret going. It's not a big thing, but it can mean a lot.

 

Don't worry about the money!! Make a special gift for the baby. One nice present I saw which touched my friend a lot was a homemade book for the baby. One person had made a memory book; it was really nice and she has it on display. Her mom does not have much money - she made the baby a bookcase with her name out of wood.

 

She will get all kinds of clothes, diapers, and even big things like cribs. But it will be fewer and far between the "special" gifts which she and the baby will have for a long time. Personal. And it doesn't have to cost a lot of money.

 

The point is to acknowledge her and the baby and that she is/has had a child. Of course you can do this without going to a baby shower; but I encourage you to make a point of doing it.

[Batya33]

Here is what I would do - show up on time, stay for an hour and for that hour offer to help serve, prepare, whatever so that you're busy and can ignore the Beauty Queens. As your gift, can you offer to either baby sit and/or clean her house after the baby arrives? Explain your budget issues to her.

 

Just saw that Alli wrote something similar.

[pippy longstocking]

I like the idea of all the iou's for when the baby comes along ...that's a nice way to do this

[Katiebaby]

So many great ideas, thank you so much guys! Only problem is that I live 2 hours away on a farm and can't babysit as I know nothing about babies (and I'm terrified of them!)

I will definitely have to go like it or not though. Mum suggested putting a little hamper together of a few baby bits and pieces that shouldn't cost too much. Maybe I could offer to come early to help them set up and prepare food?

Really don't want to go but I think I definitely should given the fact that it's been such a long road of trying for baby etc

[savignon]

Go early and be thoughtful by helping to set up as you said and then explain that you have to leave early and leave the gift your mom suggested. For a dear friend, it's worth the hassle!

[Jennifer89]

If you really don't want to go, then don't. Send her a card and some free services. You could offer to do laundry once a week for the first month after baby comes home, for example. Every new mom I have ever known has wanted that more then any gift you buy.

[SooSad33]

Fake it.

Agree to attend, then send text day b4 or day of saying you are NOT well and dont want to share w/e you may have.. and so sorry.

(If you see her regularly, just say ' oh i must have reacted to something I ate? ..)

 

Bring card and little something another time.

[catfeeder]

I understand how you feel, but old friend, big deal equals show up, give best gift possible that you can be proud of, and stay the course--and look happy about it.

 

I've pulled the "don't wanna" snivels on myself countless times over the years, and I've learned that it only makes it more difficult on myself. I decided long ago that weddings, funerals and babies are buck-up times, so I don't think about them, I just DO them.

 

Sorry if it's not what you'd care to hear, but when you put your big girl panties on, it makes everything much simpler.

[KarenC]

My Sister was once upon a time hurt by her childhood friend for not showing up at her Baby Shower so I would say that you should go but go very early and drop your gift off and leave.

 

You can always find really cute things for babies at discount prices so I don't think that the cost should be an issue...Just as long as it's nicely gift wrapped!!!

 

It'll possibly hurt her for a lifetime if you don't go.

 

Do it for her because my Sister cried like a baby when her BF didn't show up (even though it was 40 other people there) and the excuse that her BF gave was because she didn't have the money and have sad and bad that she felt afterwards, (which me Sister understood), however; my Sister just wanted the mental and spiritual support of her BF.

 

BTW, who cares what her other friends look like...Do you!!!