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Boyfriend left out of nowhere ..... Please help!


Roxxy

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I'm new to this site 26 year old female and I was wondering if there's anyone out there that can make sense of my story... So my ex and I had been living together for a year. The best year of my life at that. I was dating a perfect gentleman one that opens doors,very active in the community,a big family guy. He has been very busy with school this semester 17 credit hours and working 4 days and I just landed a full time job working nights. Needless to say the past couple of months have been really hard on us but we made it work by sneaking in lunch dates movies etc.. anyways... 4 days ago we had a very small argument about him leaving to hang out with his brother when it was suppose to be our time together and i figured he could go when I left for work that night seeing as we don't get much time together. He was a bit upset and some things were said he then left. I sent him texts of course apologizing etc. He ended up staying at his moms the next night saying he needed time to think now this is out of nowhere. I am clueless as to what he needed to think about and why it took 2 days at his moms. So the texts continued from me but he didn't reply for 2 days. He then texts on my lunch saying we needed to talk so i left work. I found him on my porch as I walked up he gives me the biggest hug and kiss which is normal but i could tell something was wrong. I continued inside to find all of his things gone and then i knew what was happening... He was breaking up with me. We sat on the bed and talked well mostly i cried i pleaded with him not to do this. He told me that he just couldn't do this anymore that he looked around my room and it wasn't him ( he had moved into my apt. To which I have roommates. He was living at home with his mom. He's not a loser just school came first and that's where his money went to) he said a million times he loves me that this was the deepest most serious relationship hes ever had and he even cried.It was very sad. I had only seen him cry once before.he said that I had said something hurtful the other day (i had said i didnt feel important at the time) and he just couldn't do it anymore. It wasn't working out that he has been trying hard and in return he feels like a failure. Now I'm going to pause my story to fill you in on the failure part. I worked full time paid the bills and he helped with what bills he could but he just wasn't working enough to pay for half now he's not a freeloader. I'd come home to awesome surprises like the bathroom clean or recently he bought me a get well kit because I was sick. He was always doing things for me and i appreciated it. I told him all the time what he meant to me and how proud i was making it through school working and everything else. Our communication was excellent as well we always talked about everything.. Soo i was shocked that here he is on my bed in tears telling me he has to leave me that our communication hadn't been so good this past week. Once i pulled myself together i got up to see what he had left and he just kept telling me he had to go. I replied with i know him and I knew he'd forget stuff that i didn't want. He left anyways just like that out the door... Our relationship had just ended and here it is a day later and I can't eat. I loooovee food and i just don't want it and I can't sleep. When i do i dreamt of him of us. I don't understand which is why I'm asking you guys for help. Help me make sense of what just happened. I'm not blaming myself im a very reasonable person it's just i don't get why he was in tears telling me he loves me and leaving???

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Forgot to mention just a week ago he was sending his mom pictures of us together. I was close with his family. I'd go have coffee with him and his mom. Him his brother, sister and I would go out for drinks every month. His niece and I kept in contact through Facebook. I attended all of there family days Mother's Day birthdays etc.... So pleaseee tell me someone what is going on and why exactly did he leave

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Guilt of hurting someone can make a dumper cry.

 

Exactly why he left I am not sure.

He may feel not good enough to keep you so to speak.

The argument may have made him feel it was the beginning of the end and chose to end it first to avoid being the one who gets dumped.

 

Society puts great pressure on people depending on the expectation of a gender.

Just because a partner lives at home with their parent, it doe not automatically make them a loser, this is a product of societies ideals.

 

I believe he has personal issues which he needs to get over which a you and a relationship can not fix but possibly exacerbate by being in a relationship and potentially losing it.

 

What I have posted is just my guess at the situation from the information given.

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It wouldn't have been the small argument that 'hurt' him enough to break up over. That would have been his excuse to get out because for some other reason he has not been happy in the relationship, despite caring for you and 'loving' you in a way (but no longer in THE way). His tears could have meant that he was sad to break up with you despite thinking it was best for him. It could also have been partly to get sympathy from you instead of anger at the breakup, like 'don't be mad at me, see how upset I am'! He would feel bad for doing it to you.

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He has been very busy with school this semester 17 credit hours and working 4 days and I just landed a full time job working nights.

 

Sounds like all of this on top of trying to balance you and time with his family was just too much pressure in his cooker--he popped.

 

He was likely exhausted, and that last argument about how he spends his time was just too much for him.

 

If he moves back home he can come and go as he pleases and doesn't need to explain himself to anyone, and he may just need that for a while.

 

I'd avoid calling or texting or trying to get him back. Let him decompress and start to miss you.

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I was like that after we broke up. Couldnt eat, couldnt sleep, my hands were shaking. I was like that for 3 days.

Today is my 5th day of NC (after begging)and i am better. I can eat now, im sleeping better and although he's always in my mind, i just push it away and pray. If you feel like texting him, begging, do it once, but never again. You will just feed his ego and that will push him further away from you.

 

I does get better. Right now you're still in shock.

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You need to take care of yourself now. I got dumped 6 weeks ago today and the beginning was horrific. Vomiting all the time, feeling faint and dizzy, unable to eat when normally I adore food. Unable to sleep. Waking up bolt upright. Take care of yourself. Your stomach needs soft foods. I live in China, so blandish noodles, and also soups. Soft, easy to digest foods. I would advise you to stay away from alcohol, even if it is tempting. It is a mood-altered and you will feel more depressed the next day even if you only have a few drinks the night before. My friend advised me to put a drop of lavender oil on my temples before sleep, to help me sleep. It didn't work much but I found the scent soothing.

 

You have to go outside too. The days I could barely drag myself accross my living room...but getting out, if only to the local shop, somehow does really work.

 

And tell people. I am a teacher and I honestly thought I would faint in class. I told my colleagues and just their silent support helped. If nothing else, I needed to warn them I might pass out!

 

And every day, think about what nice things you are going to do for yourself. I bought a huge bucket to be able to make myself foot soaks. Cook yourself something lovely, and what you can't eat, freeze. Open your windows. Change your bed sheets. Paint your nails. If money allows, but yourself something decadent...for me, imported tea (I live abroad). Do something nice for your friends. Spreading your love will cheer you up. Cook for people. Buy them flowers. Remember their problems and ask them how they are.

 

These things are continuing to help me and my nightmares and anxiety have already gone. They went after about three weeks. My appetite is back to an extent. The vommitting has mostly gone. My sleep continues to improve. Just take care of yourself.

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I had a breakup like this, an ldr. ex said that missing me was unbearable; he couldn't concentrate for a day after we spoke; he felt like he was failing at his new job and failing me; too hard not having his heart with him, etc. and I was so angry for so long. now my heart just goes out to him.

 

I think your bf couldn't manage the responsibilities of his life and your relationship. he KNEW that you were getting less than what a gf should, and yet he needs to do what he needs to do for himself. if I were you, I would try to accept it. he believes that he is doing the best thing for both of you and is not likely to be dissuaded by your or his own pain.

 

my heart goes out to you, OP.

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Well I've sent him messages. I know i shouldn't. Even me writing things down didn't stop me from pouring my heart out to him several times to which he replied with something sweet but also trying to get me to give him space so i did all week not a word but i went out this weekend and ran into his brother. His brother likes my best friend and has been trying to date her. His best friends were at the place we were all at as well needless to say everywhere i go I'm constantly reminded of him or people ask me where he is etc.. He knows everyone in this town... It's been very ruff and well.. I contacted him to get his things which he was suppose to today but didn't. Now I'm mad that he gets to go on in life feeling fine every day has family friends that love him. While I'm losing weight and sleep over him. I'm miserable and I'm not sure there's not one guy in this city that doesn't know him not to mention i don't have family and my best friend is now hanging out with his brother.. Sigh.... I don't know what to do and i really don't want to move away

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