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She says wants to be with me ..........pull me in, push me away!!!


essex boy

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Been seeing my girl for nine months now. We have a relationship where we live 50 miles apart and think the world of each other. Up til a few months ago we only saw each other 1 or 2 nights a week and every other weekend when i didnt have my 12 year old daughter, although i did introduce my daughter to her but with her shifts at weekends the chance for the 2 of them to get together is rare.

5 weeks ago she said we dont see each other enough and its tearing her apart, I desperately wanted to see more of her (before she said this)and tried a few times but decided not to push as she is not one to be pushed, with this news of her wantting more i was elated to say the least. So we upped the anti, she took weekends off so she could be with me and my daughter when she is around, bliss for three weeks we all got on really well and i couldnt be happier. I thought she couldnt be happier either. Then out the blue...I cant see you this week, im meeting my 18 yr old daughter (her dughters are 18 and 20)on tuesday when she finishes work, I knew this wouldnt happen as her daughter finishes at 9 when the stores close. then she couldnt make thursday but wanted me to blow out my daughter to come to a party on friday (i normally have my daughter every friday) but wouldnt be about the rest of the weekend as she is having a halloween tea with her daughters at 6pm on sunday night??!! which me and my daughter werent invited to. (fair enough it might be something her and her girls usually do.....but i wanted to be let in her life) so it turns out she working lates the following monday tuesday wednesday and couldnt see me til the following thursday....

So I blew my daughter out on the friday night, she was right it isnt a lot to ask to give up one friday night so i went to the party,(with crippling sciatica at the time). I told her when she told me all this that i werent happy it seems like she pulls me in then pushes me away. she siad its just circumstance and will happen from time to time, we havent seen a lot of each other, tuesdays are now out the window, she doesnt want to pick her up from a late shift and stay as its not worth it....we have had last saturday night and sunday together.

Then she was gonna come and stay this sunday, our 9 month anniversary which she is big on, and stay til tuesday night.....i knew this would change, not sure how i could just feel it! when i turned up thursday she sat me down i didnt wanna say this in text...i thought here we go....she said i been thinking it would be better if i dont stay sunday til tuesday as youll be at work, ive got the week off so why dont i stay from thursday til sunday, while the latter is nice....what about monday or tuesday or wednesday, even for just for a visit, nope she doing housework monday, shopping with her mum on tuesday and shopping with her daughter wednesday... there is still the evenings especially as i work 20 mins down the road. Although as i say the latter is nice why push me away all that time? That hurts a lot!! am i over reacting?? I did have a pop at her telling her i knew she would oush me away again to which she got angry saying we need time apart ti think. I apologised for my anger, i didnt react violently and i wouldnt just told her how i felt and that although next weekend sounds great why do we have another bleeding week apart? she said it works better that way and i thought i was doing right thing and then unleashed on me saying i cant always see her?? ive never once let her down and ive invited her at every opportunity to come to me, as she dont drive i drive all the way to get her.

 

Am i reading this wrong? she says she loves me undoubtedly and i shouldnt ever doubt her??

 

Am i over reacting? I told her it hurts and that we feel what we feel we cant change tht

 

i love her to bits we get on great in every department, we bothreally enjoy each others company so much (or so i thought) Ive never met anyone as honest as her and she makes me feel loved so much when we are together....., was gonna surprise her by meeting her from work, yep id drive 50 miles just to give her a hug and a lift and drive back again...

 

she is out of a bad 23 year relationship, that was four years ago and i know it takes time to get over i wonder if she sis scared to give herself completely for fear of getting hurt but i can only take so much push and pull

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It may be that your relationship needs and needs for personal space are not very compatible. You need little personal space and a lot of together time, she needs the opposite. A lot of personal space and only some together time. Neither one of you is right or wrong, just different. The question is, can you both compromise a little without blowing up at each other? Find a sweet spot where you both feel comfortable?

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she syas she misses me lots and really feels it when we are not together. Mybe its something ro do with coming off her tablets for panic attacks

 

she also says she hates being without me. she wants constant text messages.....i need more than a text relationship. she says she wants to settle down, doesnt wanna go out with her mates drinking much...she always says prove your love for me, something tells me its about she proved her love for me. Ive driven there and back during the night just to leave folwers on her doorstep to show her, ive always there when she nneds me, she is the one who pushed it to more...then backed off??

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I can relate to your GF, so I'd give her a break. Sometimes when busy people try to carve out more time with the best of intentions, all the stuff we've walled off for a while comes flooding back with a vengeance.

 

You're both working parents with conflicting shifts and daughters who need to be prioritized. I'd flow with it as you were doing before you started to take it personally.

 

She's wonderful to you and for you in all other ways--I'd back off the complaints and see where things go.

 

Fingers crossed for you both!

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I can relate to your GF, so I'd give her a break. Sometimes when busy people try to carve out more time with the best of intentions, all the stuff we've walled off for a while comes flooding back with a vengeance.

 

You're both working parents with conflicting shifts and daughters who need to be prioritized. I'd flow with it as you were doing before you started to take it personally.

 

She's wonderful to you and for you in all other ways--I'd back off the complaints and see where things go.

 

Fingers crossed for you both!

 

I thank you so much for your reply. She is wonderful to me, she is amazing thats why I yearn to be with her, but patience will pay off. I must say i was a little miffed today, i had to go right past her door......for an interview for new job, she knew i was in the shops just 2 mins down the road while she at home doing housework....she could have invited me in for a cuppa!! that struck me as odd, but decided not to push it and ask.(maybe the past few days have been tough on her, from her daughter disrespecting her badly too, so im guessing space is whats needed as you can guess im having a two way argument with myself lol) she is amazing and i do appreciate her......ive worked through loads of insecurities from childhood and i worry they come back sometimes, so being told no is taken as a knock. on the other hnd i know if i wait she will be oh so worth it. we are amazing together and i dont wanna spoil it!!

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