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i need help to communicate with het


ineedhelp4mu

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Dear All

I need your advice I am all stuck in my life. To understand how and where I am stuck you need read below my story. I am seeking your advice because I believe you are more experienced in such matters so please a humble request to you all kindly read my story from heart and advise me what is best according to you.

The story begins this way my office and home is about 2hrs journey by bus and I travel by the same bus on all working days.

Since I travel by the same bus hence most of the regular faces are known to me some are even friends. One fine day this July (Wednesday) I saw a cute face dressed in a simple fashion. On first sight of her I was spell bound never seen such a beauty wrapped in simplicity. Her eyes just penetrated my heart... Never felt such a strong connection with anyone in my life... The whole day she was always in my thoughts.

Next morning she wasn't in the bus I was quite relaxed. But the day after she was again in the bus and I lost my Control and started staring at her .. I know I was going wrong but couldn't control ... After the weekend was over I was back to office by the same bus and she wasn't there in the bus I was sad I wanted to see her cute face.. I reached office I couldn't concentrate on work ..she was ruling my head. So I decided to give a pause to work and keep an eye through window .. Yes I seat near window and the road is clearly visible through the dark glasses of window so is the Volvo bus. I was impatiently waiting for the next Volvo which is supposed to cross my office by next 20 minutes . I wanted to see her face at least once. Yes I had my luck I could see her that day through the windows.. I felt energetic and started my work but she was ruling by head at all time. While returning from office I thought and thought about her and alas decided to be strong and would never miss the bus so as to avoid her. I knew she wasn't regular in my bus so I can avoid her easily .

From the very next day I started by day a little early so as to make sure I don't miss the first bus even I started to hire cab to reach bus stop even though bus stop was at 20 minutes walking distance I tried every possibilities to avoid her..

I was successful in doing so for a fortnight but after that one Monday the cab I hired got flat and I was late in reaching bus stop .. I missed the first bus!!!! I was keeping my finger crossed so that she don't board the bus but she did and I lost control I started staring at her .. The whole day I thought about her and alas decided now onwards I would take the second bus and would face my feeling instead of suppressing it.. And I did so and I found her again in the bus.. This continued for the whole week .. Each day I was feeling better I just became addicted to her and I was by this time sure she noticed me... Next week I decided to talk to her and in the mid of the week I made an attempt I just got up from my seat a stop before where i get down and stood next to her.. As I went near her she turned her face other side and became stiff .. I didn't talk to her that as I felt she wasn't comfortable. Luckily that day another colleague of mine was in bus he is a good from friend of mine so after getting down of the bus he asked why I got up from seat a stop before I told him the truth and asked if he could read whether she was angry of my act . he said not angry but she was a lot tensed .. Next few days I was quietly observing her and a number of times I had straight eye contact with her....

Next I again made an attempt to talk to her and this time I was successful but I too was tensed this time my brain wasn't working that time I asked her a stupid question "whether every day you travel to office or are you a student" she gave a pause little stiff and replied I am working.. After that she was normal but I was all tensed I do not know why I mouth was dry.. I never felt like that even not during my first job interview so much tensed... So I took a step back and Didn't even ask her name not even introduced myself... But while getting down I said her bye and she responded through her eyes .....

Next day she was not in the bus I felt sad but my luck was there and my bus could catch the first bus which starts 20 ahead of it.. And I felt excited my sixth sense said she was in the first bus I got of my seat and asked the bus driver if he can help me in catching the first bus he smiled and said he will try and in one traffic signal I caught the first bus. While I was boarding the bus I could she her through the window.. She too saw me and took her eyes off me.. I got into the bus and found a seat vacant right beside and opposite to her.. The bus has four seats two facing each other . she noticed I sat beside but choose to ignore me I was in a mood to talk to her I was normal today.. As yesterday I had my first interaction with her but her body language indicated she wasn't interested for a chat... I didn't want to disturb her.. So without a word I got down at my stop... Again after few days I made an attempt to chat with her this time not in the bus .. I decided to get down at her stop and talk to her there but as she observed that I didn't got down at my stop I could she was little tensed .. She gets down a stop next to mine.. I was determined today to talk to her and get introduced and soon as I got down together with her... I shouted "excuse me" twice she gave a pause but as soon as I saw her red face I said sorry and she walked away...

I understood she got irritated with my act.. I decided that I would now travel by first bus and would avoid her .. Did so for few days but couldn't control and hence started traveling by second bus...

Suddenly she disappeared for a week long I went mad I was burning inside out I do not even know her name how do I find her ... I just went mad... But almighty was there I discovered a connection with her .. I got to know her name I got to know which company she work for... Her emailid I got to know .... I was relaxed now ...

After a week break she was back in bus the first day I saw her after her break for holiday ..she was in black T-shirt and was looking awesome I just went mad that day... I was very happy to see her.. And she was at her best that day... I still can visualize how she looked that day...

I continued to travel by the second bus and got to see her in the bus and always lost control and stared at her like an insane...

She noticed my insanity and always avoided eye contact but by grace of almighty we had a lot of time eye contact...

One thing I would like to mention here she never looked at me directly but always was aware that I was present in the bus because she would never look at my seat ... Yes I sat in the same seat every day...

This continued for several days and on October 13 (sunday)I wished her through email.. October 13 is an auspicious day in our community I also sent e-greetings to her all emails as I do not know which email she checks regularly...

She didn't check open my e-greeting's as I never got notifications.. But my sixth sense as well as some how I got a hint she read my email...

Now I decided to make another attempt to get introduced to her ... So I got down again at her stop this time she wasn't tensed I felt that and after getting down she slowed a little bit her walking pace.. I observed that.. But I didn't talk to her as I didn't want to hurt her.. I went a step towards her and then stopped thinking let her be at peace....and let me burn why should I be so selfish repeatedly disturbing her... But that very day I got the notification from e-greetings card that she saw it...Was it coincidence or is it a indication from her side that I can talk to her... Strange thing she was not surprised to see a e-greetings from a stranger ..as she saw my greetings she has definitely seen my email too as I have sent email to all her emails .... I must tell you apart from greetings I sent a lot of mail expressing my feeling to her...never got a reply....

 

I now again decided to talk to her and I made the attempt this time I called her by name at her stop .. I called twice she didn't respond to first but to the second one she turned and said "stop following me".. I just didn't know what to do after hearing her words... I was in pain... My pain was visible through my face even the security in charge inquired whether I was unwell ...

I thought a lot about her I called her by name in middle of road I am a stranger to her but she was not shocked that now i know her name and email... I thought and thought and felt may be she has some problem or constraint which restricts her from being friendly with me... I wrote a mail to her saying I would never disturb her again I asked sorry as I felt I had hurt her.. I felt like I was selfish only thought me and my feelings never thought that she might have her own problem.... So honestly asked a sorry and I decided I would now never take second bus...and I did so but to my astonishment after a few days 4-5 days she started taking the first bus...but she never saw at my seat always concentrated on reading books ...never head up...this made me to feel she was aware I was in the bus... But one Monday I took bus from other stop not the usual stop I board it.. I got the second bus.. She was there she too missed the first bus today... But she was unwell today she caught cold I felt bad.... I wrote mail to her asking her to take care of her health... And I decided to go by second bus because I felt if she is taking first bus just to stay connected with me then I should stop her as to catch first bus you have to come out of home by 7 am and its winter she caught cold...

From last two working days she is again in second bus ... I do not know what will happen from tomorrow(Monday) will she take first bus or second bus ...

 

After reading my story please suggest what is her mind and how do I communicate with her.. She haven't replied to any of my email... My first priority is not to hurt her.... Please help me I just do not know what to do ... I must tell you this month (November) or next month (December) will be last month for her as she is working as intern and no internship is done longer than 6 months and she joined on July when I first saw her....

. kindly help me

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It sounds like she isn't open to communication with you. I don't think trying different tactics at contact will work. I think you need to let this go, maybe even get help through a counselor/therapist if necessary. It sounds like you're obsessing over her and she isn't interested. I'm sure it's painful and difficult for you and I'm sorry about that but my best suggestion is no more emails, no more trying to talk to her and avoid the bus she takes. If you happen to be on same bus, don't sit by her or talk to her, it makes her uncomfortable.

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You need to be careful here in that she doesn't look at you like a stalker. following her.. emails (wonder HOW you got it?)

I suggest you send NO more emails.. and leave her alone.

 

Also re: busses? Aim at taking a different one from now on. Give her piece of mind.

IF she does ever want to contact you- she knows how.

 

Best for you? Leave all alone, move along.

See what you've got for her as like a fantasy. Sometimes unreal & unhealthy, now leave it be.

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You are stalking her. STOP.

 

Also, you are ignoring her cues and her feelings.

 

If you had said on the bus "Hi, my name is ___. I notice you take my same bus. i just wanted to introduce myself" and she was not receptive, then you leave her alone. But you stalked her instead.

 

When someone tenses up and its clear they don't want to talk to you - respect that. If they ever change their mind, they will come up to you.

 

 

How does it work in your country? Is it better for a female friend to make introductions? It is too late now.

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