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I'm crazy & it's all my fault?


Tihi

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...this is what my boyfriend says to me, every single time we argue or I'm upset, angered or disappointed by something he has done.

We've been together for 8 months. I briefly broke up with him last month, due to him talking to an ex of his he promised he would no longer speak to, but struggled so much we rekindled, although things are bumpy.

I have severe trust issues, worsened by the fact my boyfriend will frequently break promises he has made; his logic is that it's ok to break menial promises, and it's not like he would ever break "something that was actually important". I have explained that I feel if he can break Promise X, what's to make him stop breaking Promise Y? Last month, after our break-up, he said he would no longer promise things he could no longer guarantee to keep. Then last night, he promised me he wasn't going to buy something, then this afternoon tells me he had. I feel gutted that he's gone straight back to breaking promises already. He isn't interested; he says he isn't interested in me pulling him down with my "s**t" and that he just wants to enjoy his afternoon. I try to explain that I feel I can't trust him on things, and he just isn't interested.

 

Every time we argue, he says that I'm crazy, I'm messed up in the head, I'm the one with the problem. He says he doesn't want to hear from me when I'm unhappy, he's sick of me making him miserable and that he doesn't want to deal with my issues. He says it's my own fault I get upset, and that he thinks he is never at fault- "If people get upset by what I say, that's their problem, not mine." He doesn't accept that his words or actions are ever hurtful.

 

After we broke up, we both agreed things needed to change, and I have tried a huge amount. He said he wanted more space, so I no longer text or call him unless he messages me first. I don't say anything about him ever going out at weekends, even though we get very little time together. I don't make a fuss about him talking to any of his exes. I try most of the time to fake happiness because he doesn't like dealing with me being upset. I am aware I have trust and jealousy issues, but I try to work on that only for him to crush that into the ground.

 

He has only gotten worse. He belittles me and constantly accuses me of being "f****d up" in the head. He says it's all my fault. He gets angry at me for being unhappy.

 

I just feel like he is constantly punishing me for being who I am. For someone who says that people should accept and deal with how someone is, he's completely unaccepting of me and refuses to 'deal' with me. However, my self confidence is bottom, and an hour or two into any resolve I have where I'm not going to speak to him just crumbled.

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So just to recap:

 

-He takes no responsibility for how his words/actions affect others

-He belittles your point of view by dismissing it as "mentally unstable"

-He has requested that you not seek emotional support from him

-He says that you are at fault for all conflicts

 

Why do you want to be with a person who treats you like this? This isn't a relationship. This isn't what loving partners do. You will find more happiness alone than you ever will with him. Consider counseling as well. It is possible to have a happy and satisfying life as a single person. Then when you are feeling better about yourself and your life perhaps you will be better able to find a partner who treats you well.

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So just to recap:

 

-He takes no responsibility for how his words/actions affect others

-He belittles your point of view by dismissing it as "mentally unstable"

-He has requested that you not seek emotional support from him

-He says that you are at fault for all conflicts

 

Why do you want to be with a person who treats you like this? This isn't a relationship. This isn't what loving partners do. You will find more happiness alone than you ever will with him. Consider counseling as well. It is possible to have a happy and satisfying life as a single person. Then when you are feeling better about yourself and your life perhaps you will be better able to find a partner who treats you well.

 

That's about what I was thinking.

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Please please please don't take this further. I was you last year. And I got pregnant and had his baby. And it could have stayed bad, but it didn't and he changed. But even if this guy ever stops treating you like .... believe me you'll never be able to forgive him. And eventually you'll resent him. And you don't wanna be stuck with that I can't seem to get out of this mess, but you can. Please don't sell yourself short. You do deserve better. And you love him, sure, but you've got to love yourself more right now.

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He IS totally selfish & disrespectful towards you...

With this in mind.. I hope you find much more strength to really walk away and Mean It.

 

With this ex I have severe trust issues, worsened by the fact my boyfriend will frequently break promises he has made; his logic is that it's ok to break menial promises, and it's not like he would ever break "something that was actually important".

 

1) YOU now have trust issues. And this 'promise' crap needs to stop. I REFUSED, to ever say this, to anyone throughout my life. It's NOT meaningful or needed and no one can ever throw that bk at you.

 

This shows his selfishness and how HE is taking control over the relationship

>>"I don't say anything about him ever going out at weekends, even though we get very little time together. I don't make a fuss about him talking to any of his exes. I try most of the time to fake happiness because he doesn't like dealing with me being upset. I am aware I have trust and jealousy issues, but I try to work on that only for him to crush that into the ground."

 

Again.. HE is showing his rudeness & dis respect to you:

>> "I just feel like he is constantly punishing me for being who I am. For someone who says that people should accept and deal with how someone is, he's completely unaccepting of me and refuses to 'deal' with me."

 

 

Time for YOU to React and Get OUT of this hellhole. NO one needs this kind of treatment.

Get up- walk out.

 

Work on getting yourself repaired from this damage he's caused. Work on self esteem again..BEFORE you try and

move on again.

It's been much abuse done to you!

 

Good luck~

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I have severe trust issues, worsened by the fact my boyfriend will frequently break promises he has made.

 

However, my self confidence is bottom, and an hour or two into any resolve I have where I'm not going to speak to him just crumbled.

 

Given those two facts, you really shouldn't be in a relationship at all, and you definitely shouldn't be in one with this particular person.

 

I see both sides of this- I have been with people who were irrational, often, but I knew that once it came down to me calling that person crazy or getting tired of constantly hearing how he was unhappy, it was time to leave.

 

You need to come to terms with your issues, and he needs to be a nicer person. I don't see those things happening while you are both in this relationship.

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